Extended AIM Profile

(AlexanderDaGreat and I both got dance from the same stripper. This is the conversation that ensues on the ride home)

AlexanderDaGreat: Man, that was a good lap dance. Only bad thing was her fake boobs.

T_Piddy: How'd you know they were fake?

AlexanderDaGreat: I could feel the scar under her boobs man. How'd you miss it?

T_Piddy: I was more concerned with keeping my hands on her nipples.

AleaxanderDaGreat: (holding back laughter) And why was that?

T_Piddy: Well a) I like nipples and b) if I keep my hands on them, they don't magically wind up in my mouth

AlexanderDaGreat: (hysterically laughing) Good points, I guess

T_Piddy: Fake boobs or not, my only problem with her was all the talking she was doing. I paid her to dance, not to talk. I know plenty of girls who'll do the latter for free. (Editor's Note: Okay, the fact that he said that wasn't much of a surprise. The fact that he had the gall to type it for the world to see when the majority of his readers are female - well, that took some testicular fortitude). During the dance she kept asking where I was from and such. Then when she was done she had me back there for 20 mins talking about dance clubs, hip-hop culture, and how one night she had to hit some girl upside the head with her "stripper shoe."

AlexanderDaGreat: Hey, at least you got an interesting story. She kept asking me about politics and shit. Oh yeah, nothing gets me harder than asking me who I'm voting for, Kerry or Bush.

T_Piddy: (in all seriousness) Well at least she's intelligent. Who's she voting for?

AlexanderDaGreat: I dunno man. She didn't say, but I noticed she was shaved, so I'll say Kerry.

I damn near drove off the road after that line.

Moral of the Story: Forget CNN. Strippers have the best political information.

"To all you Republicans that help me to win, I'd sincerely like to thank you, cause now I got the world swinging from my nuts…damn it feels good to be a gansta." - Ghetto Boys

Speaking of politics, I'm not going to sit here and say that everyone should go out and vote. If you want to, great. If not, so be it. I don't care and I'm really concerned as to why everyone else cares so much about everyone voting. 20 Million Loud in 2004, Vote or DIE, SmackDown! Your Vote - give me a break. I truthfully don't think these media outlets could care less if you actually do vote or not, I think they're doing it just for the good PR. It looks good for a corporation to do things like that. In all fairness, if you're a person who's happy with things the way they are and really feel that the decisions made aren't going to trickle down and effect you, then don't vote. I think you should only vote on/for things that are important to you. In the race for Sumter County Coroner, do you really think I care who wins? Nope, not really. If you feel that way about electing a President, that's cool too. But just like how I won't care/complain about how the coroner does business, you should do the same if the President does things like raise taxes or send out troops to fight in places they have no business being.

Skipping into the music scene for a moment…

Favorite New Band of the Moment - "The Killers." If you only knew how many times I've listened to their new single "Somebody Told Me" you'd probably think it was the second coming of Avril Lavigne's "Complicated" (to everyone that had to live through that, I'm still sorry). They've got a show at the 40 Watt (GREAT venue) in Athens the night before the South Carolina game and I'm seriously tempted to skip out on all the Clemson pre-game festivities to go check that out. I mean come on, $12 for a show AND a night in Athens. I get giddy just thinking about it.

I don't watch a lot of television, but I will occasionally throw on some vh1 or MTV just for the new stuff. Vh1's Inside Track and MTV's Buzzworthy put me onto stuff I'd miss otherwise (Interpol's "Slow Hands" comes to mind) that's actually worth listening to. Then there's stuff I watch just so I'm in touch with what's the "new hotness" on the musical airwaves, like the Usher/Alicia Keyes duet (more on that later…). But most of the time when watching these two channels, MTV especially, I have to tread through buckets of shit just to get to either of the aforementioned categories. Britney Spears did a remake of Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative." Great. It wasn't a great song when I was 6, and it sure as hell isn't any better off now. I love Britney, but I prefer her own ORIGINAL campy tunes over anything she decides to cover. And the new Eminem single, "Just Lose It"…I wish they would. Pure. Garbage. And the video isn't funny either. Let's put it this way, D12's "My Band" is a fucking opus compared to this bullshit. And the thing is, I promise you it's gonna sell a million copies. I'm gonna side with Cecil on this one and just hate all white people for a while.

"WHITE AMERICA!! Erica loves my shit, I go to TRL - look how many hugs I get." - Eminem

And I'm not hating on Eminem. Actually, I really like his music. I just loathe whatever song he decides to release as a first single ("My Name Is," "The Real Slim Shady," "Without Me"). But in his credit, it works beautifully. Release the garbage to appease the TRL crowd, who then buy your entire album, which in turn allows you to express your entire message to more people than normal. Pure brillance. And considering the rest of his albums usually have material that a) tell a good story or b) makes you think, I'll allow the cookie cutter pop songs from him. Not like he cares about having my permission or anything.

More Eminem soapboxing…this is what happens when I take forever to post an EAP Michael Jackson asks Eminem to pull the "Just Lose It" video because it's mocking him. Eminem refuses. My, how he's forgotten what it was like when the shoe was on the other foot. It was just last year Eminem was asking Weird Al not to air the "Couch Potato" video because it was parodying the 8-mile based "Lose Yourself" video. Weird Al agreed to not air the video. Hypocritical on Em's part? Very muchso.

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