Extended AIM Profile

Tales From The Strip Club: Def Leppard's - "Pour Some Sugar On Me" is easily the song of this part of the column. It's almost become a staple. Maybe because I'm hot sticky sweet. From my head to my feet. Just a few quick conversational awards this time tho. No big stories here. Yeah, I know its been 2 months - you figure something would have happened. Not this time.

"Dumbest Thing Ever Said In The Strip Club" Award

Dr. RKO: I love Froot Loops.

T_Piddy: Yeah, they are pretty good.

Big Game James: Easily one of the best cereals ever.

Dr. RKO: Yeah, it's like having an orgasm in your mouth.

T_Piddy: *petrifiedlook*

Big Game James: Rhett, I don't even wanna know how you know what its like to have an orgasm in your mouth.

"Strippers Obviously Don't Read the EAP Anthology" Award

Scene: Greenville Platinum Plus (yeah, I changed locales)

Alicia (yes, I remembered her name): (seductively) Hey… (heavy breathing)

T_Piddy: (thinking) Uh-oh (speaking) Hey, how you doin'? (thinking) damn she fine.

Alicia: (seductively) I'm doing fine. Are you ready for some hot adult fun?

T_Piddy: (thinking) This has interesting written all over it. Easy column material. (speaking) Yeah, I'm down. How much?

Alicia: (seductively) 2 for $30 and you can touch me anywhere you want. I won't tell my mom, I promise.

T_Piddy: (thinking) Damn…she's good. (speaking) Alright, I'm down.

(Alicia walks Piddy to the back - Lapdance ensues. In case you're wondering, yes her boobs were fake. Anyways, in between songs apparently its "Spin the Wheel, Make a Deal" time)

Alicia: (seductively) If you want, for $100 I can suck your cock and make you cum all over…

T_Piddy: That's nice hun, I just want a beer.

Alicia: *puzzledlook* Huh?

T_Piddy: No thanks. (full blown grin - yeah, I laugh at my own inside jokes)

I really wish I could have captured the look on her face. She totally wasn't expecting this answer.

"The I Didn't Come Up With All of These But They Were Passed On By An Anonymous Friend for Use In My Next EAP" Award

The Strip Club Commandments

1) Don't buy your first dance from the first stripper you meet.
2) Only spend the money that you physically brought to the strip club with you. (Stay away from the ATM)
3) Make sure you bring to bring one dollar bills. If no ones are available, buy a drink to make change.
3b) If you get $2 bills at a strip club for change, do not spend them in a strip club.
4) Don't eat at a strip club.
5) Never bring a girl to a strip club with you.
6) Never go a strip club when the sun is out.
7) Never leave a strip club when the sun is out.
8) Don't ever kiss a stripper. Anywhere.
9) Don't believe the lies. Lap dances are better when the stripper is crying.
10) Don't get dances from Asians unless you're in California.

Terence: *shakeshead* No comment. No matter what I do in the RAW columns, no one remembers what I talk about, but I know I'm gonna hear about this again.

Super Quick Shoutouts - written by Piddy or Terence

Cecil: Welcome to the REAL Michael Vick Experience…throw Charlie Murphy in there - Comedy gold.

Denny: Good to see you again. Betcha your liver wasn't glad to see me though. You'd definitely lose a "First Vomit" match.

Michele: Congrats on your job at Yale you smartie. I'm proud of you and glad for you. Just stay away from here because you probably could beat me in a Last Man Standing match. You came close one time before.

Kelli: Thanks for going out with us. Now I don't have to rip off your balls.

Jen: Your nipples can cut through glass. That's a good mental picture. Can't wait to see the pictures on your website.

Rhett: "You're good people" - I'm not sure how many times Dr. RKO said that, but damn if that wasn't funny.

Tyrell: I don't smell like gizzards. That fat girl was just hallucinating. Placebo affect all the way.

Mandy: GREAT seeing you in TD's that night. I miss your energy sometimes.

Libby: Who'da thought that the two of us would need to go to optimism workshops. Damn the real world and its depressingness. Yes, I just made up that word.

Chad: Since a 10 on the stripper scale is equivalent to an 8 on the normal scale, how does the 1-5 scale fit in all this?

Eric: For the love of God, teach your roommates how to make Kool-Aid like normal people.

Cassie: I miss ya, you're gonna have to call me one day.

Colette: I love the fact you have an alter-ego. Makes me seem normal. Long as Piddy and KiKi don't meet up we'll be alright. Considering Piddy is rather fond of you (as we found out that night he got kicked out of Overtime) that might be a catastrophic event.

Arianna: Yes, I succumbed to the facebook. Tis a sad day. On the bright side, I can see all your hot latina friends. ;-)

Sarah: Between the stuff I hear out of your mouth and Jen's mouth, I'm led to believe that nursing majors are some kinky people. Now if I could find a Hispanic nurse with good boobs, I'd be set.

Quin: When do you work? I wanna have AIM at work too. *sadface*

If I forgot anyone, I'm sorry. It's not on purpose. I gave myself a 3 minute time limit so I could actually get this done, posted, and go to sleep before work. Holla at me on my facebook wall.