Question of the Week Archives
6/24/98 - 7/1/98:
DO YOU PREFER BBC1, BBC2, OR BBC3?
Riverboy: What the hell do you mean? Is it an "inside" thing?
BonniePG: Anything BBC is groovy with me, Baby!
Kandy Kane: Doctor Who BBC
Sir Real: Thank you for not anthropomorphizing me.
Liz: What about BBC5, 6, or 7?
7/2/98 - 7/8/98:
WHERE YOU THINK YOU'LL BE TEN YEARS FROM NOW?
Riverboy: Living in the park under a bench, dropping my pants for food, and randomly setting houses aflame out of boredom
BonniePG: Well, I just don't like to think about that because I'll be FORTY!!!!!! Hell, Cliff will be FORTY-EIGHT!!!!
The Black Dahlia: Ten years from now I'll be in my early twenties, and I imagine, finishing up an english lit degree, or something along those lines. Then I want to move to London and become a theater critic.
7/9/98 - 7/15/98:
HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU SET YOURSELF ON FIRE IN THE PAST 24 HOURS?
BonniePG: oops....darn I dropped the matches on my dress again!!!!
Riverboy: Just me, or my pets, my family, my house, my car, my possessions, the annoying dog next door, the forest in back of my house, the trees...?
Kitaya: I don't know ... should I have remembered that accident?
The Historian: ...Rhett asked Scarlett, as they left Atlanta
Maru: Do you count all the times that were assisted?
7/16/98 - 7/22/98:
CAN YOU RECOMMEND A CURE FOR THE VOICES INSIDE MY HEAD?
Riverboy: I have voices in my head, too...I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring!
the Historian: Take off your headphones.
Kitaya: Well mine stopped when I had that terrible accident (what accident you say? Lets not go ther) as a kid
BonniePG: A little bit of Naked Eyes?
S.M.C.: Well...there was that medicine stuff you could take for that advertised on "Cartoon Sushi." It burns your brain away to a small lump in your head, thereby removing basically everything from your mind. Even "those pesky voices."
the Historian [again]: Extra Strength Excedrin for psychotics?
7/23/98 - 7/29/98:
WHAT SONG WOULD YOU LIKE PLAYED AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Sir Real: "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles.
Riverboy: "Kyle's Mom is a Bitch" in C-minor.
S.M.C.: "Loser" by Beck
BonniePG: Hmmm.....This is a hard one......either AFRICA by TOTO cause
it's my fave song......OR...."Saint Agnes and the Burning Train" by Sting
Kitaya: umm... I havent thought about it
7/30/98 - 8/15/98: (don't ask)
AT WHAT POINT IN YOUR LIFE DID YOU BECOME POSSESSED BY EVIL?
S.M.C.: That's a tough one...on the 4th of July, we
went to see a fireworks display on the Ohio River. Songs from GREASE, STAR WARS, SUPERMAN, and TITANIC came on--and everyone sang or hummed along. I became possessed by an evil spirit to go on a rampage, coldly murdering all who got (ON MY NERVES) in my way. I managed to supress this evil spirit, but have never been quite the same since...
liz: wh whatever do you mean? I'm just sweet and
innocent :)
Riverboy: I never did, but my ass is a different
story. Have pity on our souls.
BonniePG: This morning at....oh, I'd say 8:22am....Really, I cultivated my evil by growing it in my laboratory and mixing it with my spagetti sauce over a period of many years. Naturally,
this process has to be done carefully if it is to be done
thoroughly.
S.M.C.: My first answer was wrong. I became
possessed by evil yesterday. An evil voice telling me to kill--but who?
the Historian: Actually, what is evil? What is good? Who knows? Who cares?
Sir Real (blurred boy): I think I remember becoming possessed by evil one time when I was around 9. Then I think that I found a stick sitting on the ground and it was named bob one time. Oh yeah one time I think I ran into a goat.
Melissa (chic): Just now
Tim J. Poe: I became possessed by evil when I first met
David A. Johnson.
8/16/98 - 8/22/98
IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THERE WERE ANY NEW QUESTIONS. CONSIDERING THAT THIS IS A BIG PART OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT REVENGE DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?
Sir Real: Hmm. Let me think. Bloody mutilation,
infliction of hellish agony, castration with a turkey baster,
skinning and dipping in lemon juice, and possible exposure to reruns of "Who's The Boss", "The Facts of Life", and "Blossom".
BonniePG: smash him into teeny tiny bits!!!!! And
force him to confess his crimes publically on TV like a certain
President we all know.....
Tim J. Poe (The Raven): With the slightest of sarcasm, I would like to describe my revenge. I would like to tie you to a wall and peel your skin off, strip by strip and layer by layer. The I would tear yours limbs off one by one before I let you bleed to death and put your head in my freezer to remind you of the joy I had while killing you.
8/23/98 - 8/28/98
I SAW WHAT YOU DID! WHAT'RE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT, JACK?
the Historian: You must be getting desperate in thinking up questions.
BonniePG: I'm gonna jump on the kitchen table and dance like a chicken!!!!!! And YOU CAN"T STOP ME!!!!!!
DR. BELCH: i'm gonna catch the dirty stool pigeon what squealed on me--AND THEN I'M GONNA HAVE SQUAB FOR SUPPER TONIGHT!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
DR. BELCH: [as Robert Deniro] you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? Wel, they're no one else here, so you must be talkin' to me.
8/29/98 - 9/12/98
WOULD YOU ENJOY SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CLONE?
Riverboy: Maybe, but if you found it annoying, would you kill your clone, or yourself?
DR. BELCH: Only in a working relationship as voiceover artists in a big-time cartoon studio. Double the pleasure, double the voices....
S.M.C.: Definitely not. I get on my own nerves as it is.
BonniePG: NO WAY......I just can't keep my mouth shut when I watch tv. Comment, comment, comment. All the time. Would be too irritating. (HA HA)
9/13/98 - 10/4/98
WHICH SINGER'S VOCAL CHORDS WOULD YOU LOVE TO RIP OUT?
DR. BELCH: Offhand--Michael Bolton, Sineaid o'Connor, all three Hansons, and John Tesh. I'll spare the Spice Girls because I have a thing for chicks with accents and I've always wanted to get a blow job from one.
S.M.C.: Hard one...but...I think I'll go with...Celine Dion...if I even spelled her name right...
Riverboy: Puff Daddy...wait, he doesn't sing...or make his own music...hmmm...
the Historian: Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey
BonniePG: Whitney Houston. YEEEEUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I hear her I get pretty EMOTIONAL too baby, yuck......And whats with the jaw thingy? ANd waiiiiiii ooooooo aaaiiiiihhhhhhh WIlll always LUV youuuuuoooooooo aaaahhhhhiiiiiieeeeee, etc.
Kitaya: Brandy- she cant sing and I dont know why anyone thinks she could in the first place, at the emmy's Whitney Houston should have been singing the Cinderella theme song she would have made it much better, by the way whoever told Brandy she could sing was way out of their league.
10/5/98 - 10/11/98
WHAT REVENGE WOULD YOU LIKE TO INFLICT UPON TEACHERS FROM YOUR PAST?
DR. BELCH: Hmmmm...well I HAVE liked most of my teachers, but there HAVE been a few exceptions. Basically, I believe success is the best revenge. So to the art teacher who said I was untalented and the English teacher who said my writing was horrible, I'l lbe sure to keep that in mind when the wife/mistress and I are making our second or third million on my comic book empire, and you're saving up to buy a box of super-absorbent adult diapers....
BonniePG: Um...I don't know.....um......I can't think of anything......I'll try again later.....THINK THINK.....
Sir Real: Two words: polyester withdrawal.
the Historian: Lock them up and force them to listen to Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" 24 hours a day for the rest of their lives!
10/12/98 - 10/25/98
HAVE YOU EVER VISITED AN ASYLUM?
DR. BELCH: I wish! I've been looking for someplace new and exciting to spend my Christmas vacation! Narf!!
S.M.C.: How long is a visit...a few...months? Well, then, yes, I guess you could say I've visited one.
the Historian: I'm from New York City. Does that count?
Liz: of course. They do have laws to keep me from skipping school, you know
Tim Poe: Yes, actually, my last residency was a nice room in a wonderful asylum. It had padded walls and I had a nice white jacket. It was a little tight but nice. How bout you?
10/26/98 - 11/15/98
HOW WOULD YOU REACT IF I TOLD YOU I WAS IN A STATE OF MENTAL AGONY?
S.M.C.: I'd sympathize all too well.
DR. BELCH: Laugh.
BonniePG: What if I told you I was in a euphoric (is that spelled right?) stupor riding on the top of a fur trimmed ceiling fan eating Doritos? Not the Cool Ranch kind.
unknown: death is mental agony I see life at an end the death dead all around murder kill murder murrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrdddddddddddddderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr whhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! blood guts eyes and crushed jaws and genitals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Flipdog: I would jump you and steal your cool cool clothes!
Liz: I'd probably continue reading about how to get slimmer thighs in thirty minutes. My friends try that line on me every few days so I'm fairly used to it. Or I'd bake you a welcoming cake........
the Historian: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
11/16/98 - 11/29/98
I SEE THAT YOU'RE ALONE. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DATE?
S.M.C.: Um, would you excuse me? I cut my foot before, and now my shoe is filling up with blood. *limps away*
DR. BELCH: She stepped out into the woods to take a piss, and the bears ate her.
the Historian: What date?
Riverboy: I have a date? Hot damn!
Tim J. Poe: She ran when she saw you spying on us from the bushes... so, what's your problem?...HUH?!?...HUH?!?!?!?...What den Fool?!?!?
Kitaya: Oh we were together LAST night!
11/30/98 - 12/20/98
WHAT SORT OF MAN/WOMAN VISITS TORGO'S SHACK?
DR. BELCH: [cultured-sounding violin music plays in background as a narrator who sounds much like Ben Stein speaks] It takes a very special breed of man/woman to come to Torgo's shack...one interested in stimulting conversation with interesting people concerning current events, intellectual debates, and personal issues. In addition, only the truly refined can appreciate the plethera of cerebral conversation available for-- [harsh sound of a needle scritching on a record, followed by a voice speaking in a heavy Brooklyn accent] Eh, we's was drunk and' desperate, and ain't had no place else to go, all right? Stop wit' da thoid-degree over here, man! [loud belch]
S.M.C.: "A MADMAN, Your Honor! A desperate FOOL at the end of his PITIFUL rope!" Oh, wait, sorry, that's just to much LIAR LIAR in my system acting up lately. I really can't answer the question...
Riverboy: Not just any man, only a real man's man visits the shack.
the Historian: What sort of man visits Torgo's Shack? The man who refuses to get a job and sponges off his parents. The man who spends all his time at the computer because he can't get a date. The man who doesn't have his own place and whose room looks like Baghdad after an air raid. The man whose idea of haute cuisine is a Stouffer's frozen dinner. (Hey, Torgo, I see you read Playboy. How do you get it?) [Who's asking the questions here, pal?]
Jessica: Someone that has been in a mental asylum before ... oops did I just spill my secret???? uh-oh shucks .../ or the kind that has those voices inside their heads telling them to go to the zoo and free all the kangaroos .. what??? Doesn't anyone else here them *stop it, not right now, they will be fine until tomorrow at the zoo* (speaks to the voices inside her head)
12/21/98 - God knows when:
I'M SURE WE ALL REMEMBER THE TOOTSIE ROLL COMMERCIALS THAT FEATURED A HAPLESS YOUNG BOY ASKING VARIOUS ANIMALS THE QUESTION OF THE AGES. MORE INTRIGUING, HOWEVER, WERE THE FASCINATING SUPPORTING CHARACTERS IN THE AD. SO, DO YOU PREFER THE BLATANTLY COCKY YET SUBTLY TORTURED "YIN" OF THE OWL, OR THE "YANG" PROVIDED BY THE TIRED-AND-TRUE, NOT TO MENTION SOMEWHAT UNNECESSARY TURTLE, A VIBRANT CREATURE POSSESSING ALMOST SHAKESPERIAN QUALITIES?
S.M.C.: Oooh...tough call...hmm...I'd say...the turtle. Yes. Definitely the turtle. *English accent* TUR'EL POWER! Or...something...nevermind...shoot me...please...
Jessica: HAHA... what are you talking about, too many big words for me, I might have to tackle this one later.
Jessica: Now I got it... took me a moment to think. The owl is cool cuz he alwayz eats the lollipop for the young boy. MWHAHAHAHA... am I evil or just torturing myself, a subject to ponder... hmmm....?
BonniePG: Ah....Being a lover of Shakespearian Lore, I must confess to a liking of the above mentioned turtle.
Liz: I think that they should all have their eyes ripped from their sockets and have the entrails strewn all over the baseball field.. Just like I plan oon doing to AJ :)
the History: What are you smoking, Torgo? I want some of it, too.
Falafel_D: Me like to hurt things.
flipdog_: i want to steal ur cool cool clothes
Liz: didn't I already answer this? I think it's time for a new question, man. And, ps, the turtle cause turtles eat broccholi!
2/2/99 - 2/10/99:
DO YOU NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM?
S.M.C.: Actually, right as this page was loading up, I was thinking I needed to get off my ass in front of this computer and do SOMETHING. Your suggestion is as good as any.
the Historian: Why, are we going somewhere?
Liz: I will if you don't stop poking me
Jessica: Yeah baby.
11/16/98 - 11/29/98
I SEE THAT YOU'RE ALONE. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR DATE?
S.M.C.: Um, would you excuse me? I cut my foot before, and now my shoe is filling up with blood. *limps away*
DR. BELCH: She stepped out into the woods to take a piss, and the bears ate her.
the Historian: What date?
Riverboy: I have a date? Hot damn!
Tim J. Poe: She ran when she saw you spying on us from the bushes... so, what's your problem?...HUH?!?...HUH?!?!?!?...What den Fool?!?!?
Kitaya: Oh we were together LAST night!
Deep philosophicial hiatus question 1999:
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A SITUATION WHERE YOU WERE TRULY FRIGHTENED?
Riverboy: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! A QUESTON!!!!!!!!!!!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Liz: yes, but i didn't shit my pants :)
flipdo double g: yes when i was ganking your cool, cool clothes
Ydnia: Yes, this morning while reading Torgo's Shack. And to think!,....I'm somehow related to this person.
The_Oddity: Yes. Right now. Or maybe last week. I can't remember. HAVE YOU?
Mnmerlp aelkrg: Only when I saw the little man
[back to Wheeler's Shack]