| Lost Chances - by kyrdwyn |
| Rated: G Spoilers: None Synopsis: Grissom's life gets a little more complicated when Angel appears again |
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| CSI, Gil Grissom and company, and places and etc are all property of Anthony Zuiker, Alliance Atlantis, CBS, and other companies. They did not condone this fic, and I am not getting paid for it. I write because I want to. All other characters not appearing on CSI in any way, shape, or form that appear in this story are my property. If you have any comments - good or bad, feel free to e-mail me at: toxicrev@yahoo.com |
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| Gil Grissom walked into the hallway of his house and stopped, hearing movement in the kitchen. He frowned. Gillian was over at Catherine's having a slumber party with Lindsey, and wasn't due home yet. Even if she were home, Catherine's car would have been outside - she wouldn't have left Gillian here alone. Gil smiled at the thought of Catherine having two rambunctious youngsters in her house on her night off - he didn't envy her. He was glad that Gillian and Lindsey had become friends, though he didn't look forward to having to keep both girls on his next night off. The sound of his oven being opened brought his mind back into his house. There was someone in his kitchen who wasn't supposed to be. He reached into his pocket for his cell phone, thinking he ought to leave and call 911. "Are you just going to stand in the hallway, or are you going to come in?" The cell phone slipped out of his fingers and back into his pocket at the sound of that voice. He slowly walked forward into the living room and saw her standing behind the kitchen counter, looking as good as ever, even with a smudge of flour on her cheek. "Angel." She smiled. "Hi. I hope you don't mind that I let myself in. You did give me a key," she said with a shrug. "No. I don't mind at all. How are you?" he asked with a smile as he came forward into the kitchen, leaning down to brush his lips against her cheek. She looked surprised at his gesture, like she had expected something more. But he wasn't sure of himself; it had been so long since he had seen her, and things had changed. He had changed. "I'm doing all right. Getting by with my new job, missing you, but otherwise all right. How about you?" Gil stood back and smiled, "I've been doing okay. The last six months have been a little rough, but…" He shrugged, then sniffed the air and turned to her with a questioning look, "Apple bread?" "I couldn't resist." Gil reached out to wipe the smudge of flour off her cheek with his thumb. "I'm glad you didn't." He stood there, awkwardly, not sure of what else to say. As usual, though, Angel took matters in her own hands, reaching up to pull his head down to her and kissing him. He kissed her back with all the desire he'd felt for her since the last time he had seen her. She broke the kiss first, staring into his eyes, "God, how I've missed you." "I've missed you too. How long are you here?" She shrugged. "As long as I feel like it. I do a lot of telecommuting, so all I really need is my lap top and a phone line." She looked at him with a wicked gleam in her eyes. "You still have a spare bedroom?" Gil automatically started to say yes, and then stopped, remembering his spare bedroom was now Gillian's bedroom - and Angel didn't know about Gillian. Angel had left Las Vegas before Gillian came to live with Gil. He'd never told Angel about Elizabeth, either. Angel cocked her head to the side, "Did I say something wrong?" "No, you didn't. It's just that some things have happened in my life since you left." Her eyes became clouded, "There's someone else. Another woman." He heard the pain she tried to hide and quickly shook his head, "No. Well, not what you mean by someone else…" He broke off in frustration and moved away from her. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out how to tell Angel about Gillian. "Hey, it's all right. I can't expect you to wait for me every time I decide to move out of your life, just because you've done it before. You've met someone, you've moved on. You had a right to do that." "I haven't moved on, Angela." She grew still at his use of her given name. It was rare for him to use it, he knew. He'd used it deliberately, trying to show her that he was still interested in getting to know Angela Michaels, not just Angel. The sound of the front door opening broke the silence that had settled on them. Gillian raced into the room, her backpack falling to the floor as she ran to Gil. "Daddy!" Gil turned and smiled, catching Gillian in his arms and swinging her up into a bear hug. "Hey, sweetheart! Did you have a good time with Lindsey?" "Yeah - we got to watch movies and Ms. Catherine let us make S'mores." Gillian broke off as she caught sight of Angel. In the blink of an eye the young girl went from excited to reserved, her smile fading. Gil turned with Gillian in his arms. Angel was looking a little stunned as her eyes moved from Gil to his daughter. Gillian hugged her father closer. "Gillian, this is a friend of mine, Angela Michaels. Angela, this is my daughter, Gillian." The two regarded each other carefully. Gil knew that Gillian was still wary of anyone new, worried about her place in his life - especially so soon after her mother's death. He couldn't tell what Angel was thinking. He was nervous about this meeting of the two important women in his life - he wanted them to like each other. He still wanted Angel in his life, and he knew their reaction to each other have a lot to do with whether or not Angel was. Finally Angel held out a hand. "Hello, Gillian. It's nice to meet you." Gillian shook Angel's hand. "It's nice to meet you too, Ms. Michaels." There was a bit of awkward silence before Gillian turned to Gil, "Ms. Catherine said she'd take me and Lindsey to the zoo today, can I go?" "Sure, sweetheart. Are they outside?" At Gillian's nod, he smiled at her, then turned to Angel. "I'll be right back." He set Gillian down and she took his hand as they headed out to where Catherine was waiting. He helped Gillian get into the car, waving at Lindsey. Catherine must have noticed something in his face. "What's wrong?" "Angel's here." He saw her eyes narrow behind her sunglasses. "Oh, she just pops back into your life after being God knows where for over eight months?" "Catherine…." She sighed. "I know, I know. You're going to tell me it's none of my business - your relationship with Angel. But you know how I feel, Gil. Every time she turns up, you get hurt. And now you've got Gillian to consider." "I know - believe me, Catherine." Catherine searched his face, apparently not reassured by his words. Finally she shrugged, putting the car into gear. "We'll call before we leave the zoo - see if you want to meet for some food." He smiled. "I'd like that." He leaned down through the back window to kiss Gillian. "Have a good time, sweetheart." She gave him a brilliant smile. "I will!" Gil watched them drive off before going back into the house. Angel was standing in what had been her bedroom at one point. Gillian had claimed it as her own room in a way Angel never had, covering the walls with posters of unicorns and dragons and with photographs - Gillian with her mother, Gillian with Gil, and a few old pictures of Gil and Elizabeth. Angel was looking at a picture of Gil in a tuxedo and Elizabeth in a curve hugging black dress. He recognized that picture - it had been taken at a hospital fundraiser. "She has her mother's eyes, and your smile." Angel remarked. "Yes, she does." "Her mother is very pretty." Angel hadn't turned from the picture. Gil wondered if she was hurt that he hadn't shared this part of his life with her, even though there was so much he still didn't know about her. They'd both kept secrets from each other while they were together. "What's her name?" "Elizabeth. Elizabeth Wilson." He closed his eyes against the ache that always appeared when he mentioned her name. It was getting better, but it still hurt sometimes to think that Elizabeth hadn't let him know about their daughter. Almost as much as it hurt when he thought about how much of Gillian's life he had missed, and how much Elizabeth would miss. "You love her." It was a simple statement, but Angel couldn't hide the hurt in her voice. Gil moved closer to her, putting his arms around her. She resisted, but then leaned back against him, her eyes closed. Gil stared at the picture as he began to speak. "Elizabeth and I met in college, but we weren't romantically involved until she came to Las Vegas to work ten years ago. Our relationship ended badly - both of us were too stubborn to give up our own dreams for each other's. I buried her memory and got on with my life, but I never wanted to get that close to anyone again, until I met you." He kissed the top of her head. "Elizabeth never told me she was pregnant." "Then why does Gillian live with you?" Angel turned in his arms to watch his face. He looked down into her eyes. "Six months ago, Elizabeth was killed - some crazy kid began shooting up the ER where she worked. Her attorneys contacted me, told me about Gillian and I suddenly found myself a single father to a ten-year-old girl." "She must have still loved you to name Gillian after you." "She could have told me about her. I wouldn't have taken Gillian away from her." Gil heard the resentment in his voice and stopped, ashamed of himself for speaking of Elizabeth that way. Especially to Angel, who didn't have anything to with the situation. He took a deep breath and leaned down to kiss Angel's cheek. "This doesn't change anything between us, Angel." She shook her head. "Doesn't it? You have a daughter now, Gil. It's changed you - not that it's a bad thing. I saw the way you looked at her - your whole face lit up - it made you look younger." She reached up to trace his lips, smiling when he kissed her finger. "I love it when you have that boyish look." "I still don't see how Gillian changes things between us. I still want you, Angel. I still want you in my life." Angel put her hands against his chest and pushed herself out of his arms. Reluctantly, he let her go. She walked over to another picture, this one of Gillian and Gil, taken at an amusement park. The two of them were on the front row of a roller coaster. "It's one thing to know that I'm competing with your job for your time, Gil. I can handle that - I've been there before, and I've done it to you before. But I don't know how I can compete with someone else who holds your heart." She laughed mirthlessly. "And I really don't know how to compete with a ghost, Gil. I'm not sure I want to try." "This isn't a competition, Angel. I love Gillian. I love you." She smiled sadly, "I know. But what happens if we go out and you get paged about Gillian? Could you honestly wait to finish dinner, or would you rush out immediately." He didn't answer, but she saw it in his eyes. "She's a lot more important to you than your job is. You’d leave a crime scene if Gillian were in trouble." "She's my daughter," he said simply. "I've done the same for you." "I know. But it's more than just her being your daughter, Gil. There's her mother. Tell me you don't see Elizabeth when you look at Gillian, don't wonder how things might have turned out differently if you had given up your dream to follow hers. That you don't feel guilty at night for not going with her." "How do you --" "Because I feel guilty at night for not staying with you, for not giving Gil and Angela a chance." He didn't know what to say. She came back over to him, putting her arms around him and her head on his chest. He put his arms around her, holding her. "I'm sorry, Gil. You've been nothing but good to me and I've treated you badly at every turn. I didn't even stick around when you tried to do it right - I got scared and took off again." "I told you I understood. That's what the key was for." "I know. But I guess I waited too long. I'm not really the domestic type, Gil. I'm not good around children." "I never thought I was meant to be a parent." Angel leaned her head back to look at him, "I think you can do anything you set that wonderfully brilliant mind of yours to. Me, I'm just a girl trying to figure out who she is - Angela or Angel." "I don't care which one you are - to me you're just you." "That's sweet, but it doesn't change the fact that I don't think there's a place for me in your life right now." He shook his head. "There's always a place for you, Angela. I may not have the space in the house that I once had, but there's always room in my heart," he said with a teasing grin. She started to speak but he leaned down and lightly kissed her on the lips. "Look, why don't we take this a step at a time here? Have dinner with me tonight - just the two of us. Catherine will watch Gillian." Angel sighed. "I don't know." She released him and he let her go, watching as she returned to the kitchen. He followed, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets as she took the bread out of the oven. Carefully removing the oven mitts, she turned to him. "I need some time to think, Gil. Can I take a rain check on dinner?" "Of course." He tried not to sound too disappointed. He insisted on driving her to her hotel. He would have gone in with her but she refused to let him. Instead she leaned over and kissed him lightly. "Don't be so hard on Elizabeth, Gil. She probably saw you every time she looked at Gillian - and that's why she never told you. She wanted to keep a part of you for herself - and Gillian was that part." Angel shut the door behind her and walked into the hotel. Gil drove home, thinking about what Angel had said. He headed for Gillian's room and the picture of him and Elizabeth. Is that it, Elizabeth? Was not telling me about Gillian your way of taking a part of me with you? What about me? I didn't have the same chance to keep a part of you with me. Were you so afraid of letting me back into your life? He reached out to touch the picture of Elizabeth's face. If you hadn't been killed, would you have eventually told me about Gillian? When? After I had missed so many of the important moments in her life? After it was too late to really know her? When I had no chance of really being her father? No answers came, and tears rolled down his face as he stood there. He wasn't sure if he was crying because of the chances he'd lost with Elizabeth, with Gillian, or with Angel. |
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| Many, many, many thanks to Whimsey who did not object to Angel appearing in this story. |