*After Anthony left, Jamie stood there a moment, shaking her head back and forth slowly. She hadn't expected to see Tony back, especially without writing her first. He'd changed, but that as to be expected. Prison had a way of adversely affecting people.
She walked back over to the couch, and pulled the blanket back over her and Randy. She considered just going to sleep, but she wanted to tell him. So she settled for giving him a nudge.* Randy? *If he didn't wake up, she'd go to bed and tell him tomorrow.*
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Randall stirred slightly, twisting his torso as he tugged the blanket, then he moved his arm to settle it back around Jamie. This was probably the first time in a long time that he had slept so soundly, usually the littlest sounds would awake him.
Either the sounds, or his memories.
“Huh?” He mumbled as his eyelids fluttered, he really was struggling to wake up now. Normally, the guy would just jerk awake, flailing his arms.
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*She could tell that he had been sleeping well, and it made her feel guilty about disturbing his sleep. She lay her head back down on his chest and sighed.* I'm sorry to wake you Randy, but I wanted you to know. Anthony's out of prison. He came by, and just left. *Jamie paused, biting her lower lip before continuing.* I know prison changes people and he wasn't the friendliest guy ever, but it's worse. I went to hug him, and he went stiff. *As she talked, her words began to run together and her voice got softer.* He was scared of me, Randy! Me.... I failed him. *Now, it was Jamie's turn to tense. She didn't mean to say that out loud. Now, she was glad it was dark, because she was too embarrassed to look Randy in the face.*
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Randall was a bit more awake now that she put her head on his chest, his hand tangled its fingers in her hair. Silky tresses seemed to cascade through his fingers, and he gave a yawn. He loved the feel of a girl, and missed it, however, it was Jamie.
He had to actually remind himself of this.
Easily done, because she had brought up Anthony, and it jarred him slightly. He flinched for a moment as he tried to think, listening to her. “He did?” His voice was much more alert now, he frowned as he ran his fingers through her hair. “James...”
He fell quiet, it was hard to figure out how to say things, especially when words failed him. He frowned even more, “hey...” He spoke softly, “you didn’t fail him,” he kept running his fingers through her hair, his free hand tugging her closer. “You didn’t tell him to get himself in trouble, did you now?”
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*She loved the way it felt when Randy ran his hand through her hair. It wasn't much, really, but simple human contact was something that Jamie never took for granted. Randy knew how to make her feel better, and she was very grateful for his support. Occasionally, she saw how other girls looked at her when they were out together as friends. Everyone assumed they had been dating for years, but no. If Jamie ever did start dating again, she'd want to find someone like Randy, though. She snuggled closer against him before responding.*
No, Randy..I didn't tell him to get in trouble. But, I didn't tell any of us to get in trouble, but we all did. *There was a long pause, as his point sunk in.* Oh. Well, in my defense, at least I could help the rest of you because you stayed around here. I could do even less for him..
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Silence as he took refuge in the feel of her hair, the feel of her breath lighting against his chest, he exhaled slowly. “No, you didn’t tell us that,” he chuckled as he shifted slightly under her, stretching out his legs. “But we did, “ he echoed her without really thinking about it. Silence for a moment as he tried to make out her face in the darkness.
“That’s a good defense,” he nodded slowly, “you helped me get clean. Pft, you think Tony would have helped me?” He squinted, a slight note of bitterness as he glanced away from the dark shadow on top of him. “Or the others?” Randall shrugged, “anyway, what did Tony have to say?”
He tried to change the subject, he could always talk about the bad shit that went down in their past, but he could not stop himself from getting so bitter and closed-off. His ex-girlfriends always complained that he did that, and that after he shut-down, he would never open up again.
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Randy...*She fumbled in the dark until she found his hand, her narrow fingers intertwining with his. She squeezed it, trying to provide him an anchor, some peace. If possible, she was going to prevent him from descending into one of his moods. Unfortunately, that could be almost impossible at times.* I didn't let anybody help me with you, remember? *She squeezed his hand again.* They were all worried, though..
Tony didn't say much. But he did see that picture of all of us together, in front of the building. He pointed to himself and said he was trouble, even back then. *Another sigh, and another squeeze as Jamie fell back into silence, listening to Randy's heartbeat. She sat there for a minute bef ore she spoke again, her mind jumping around.* I should have just let you sleep...
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He seemed to tense up for a moment, even with her hand settled into his, his mind racing to and fro. Then it all went away, fading into the blackness that surrounded them, his fingers curled around hers. Her hand was so small, he noted for that second, before returning to her words. She was talking, and he had been a thousand miles away, he scolded himself mentally.
“Hmm?” He exhaled, “I know, you’ve told me many times,” he managed a half-smile, even if she could not see it. “You’re like my guardian angel, or something,” he mumbled then chuckled, tilting his head as he looked at her shadowy figure.
She was talking again, but this time, he was not a million miles away, he was right there on the couch. “Of course he was trouble back then,” he fell quiet, “we all were. Products of bad up-raising, blah, blah, blah,” he stopped himself from directly quoting that judge that had sentenced them. So many things had been said about them that day, and sometimes, he felt as if people were still saying them.
Of course, if one lived in Hell’s Kitchen, they had to be bad to the bone.
“What? If you had told me this tomorrow, I’d have been up—“ Randall stopped himself and gave that half-smile again, “I’d have been grumpy.” He shrugged, letting his free hand run through her hair, anchoring himself again. He was okay, he was right there with Jamie, and nothing else mattered right now.
“Besides, I don’t think you’re gonna be able to sleep now, huh?” He frowned as he looked at her shadow, “he really shook you up, huh?” He wished that he had been awake for this, to tell Tony how things were, and how things would be.
They were friends, brothers, and inseparable – then, and they would still be now. That was, if Tony would allow it now from the sound of things.
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*He couldn't see her face, but she smiled when he called her his guardian angel. All she wanted was to try to help her friends. Then, she heard Randy talking about how they were all bad, and she tensed slightly, before relaxing again. A lot of people were willing to just write them off, like so many others. They weren't bad kids, just getting through life as close to intact as they could. Some were more successful than others.
Jamie was starting to feel a little calmer now, like less of a failure. If only she had the words to tell Randy how much he helped her, how glad she was to have him as a friend. She breathed in and out, raising her head to look him in the eyes.* Yeah, i would have had a hard time sleeping. How'd you guess? *Her lips curled into a half-smile.* I was glad to see him, Randy...but I was surprised to see how different he was. I shouldn't have been, but I was. I-I told him he could come back whenever he wanted. He went to go see the Father.
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Even if it was dark, he could tell that she was looking into his eyes, and he tried to look directly back at her. Usually he met people’s eyes with a challenge, or he looked away to hide what was inside. He let the silence sit between them, it was a comfortable one. “Hmm?” He chuckled as he settled his hand on her jaw, a shrug of his shoulder.
“I guess I know a little bit about having a hard time sleeping,” he raised his eyebrows as he smiled. “Besides, Tony’s always been like that, keeping everyone awake until we went crazy.” Man, now he was starting to miss the old days, before juvie, before all this mess started.
He nodded as he lifted his eyebrows again, he knew about people changing after some time in jail. “You just don’t expect it, I know, but it just happens.” He stroked her cheek with a thumb, “but don’t worry, I think he’ll be himself again, whenever that is.” He fell silent, “the father, eh?” A chuckle as he leaned back into the cushions of the couch, “don’t worry too much about him, he’d hate that.”
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*Without thinking, she found herself leaning into his hand. He knew how to make her feel better. She chuckled softly under her breath.* Considering the way we grew up, it's a wonder any of us got any sleep. The most interesting stuff always happened at night. It's what made staying awake in class the next day so difficult.
*It wasn't all bad, either. Jamie remembered late night hide-and-seek, playing in the playground, even midnight basketball, which was supposed to fix all the problems of youth. Of course, there was a fair amount of sitting on the steps as fighting continued upstairs. Yelling, screaming, and the sounds of flesh pounding against flesh.*
I'll try not to worry about him, Randy, but you know how I am where you guys are concerned. *She loved them all, very much. She tried her best to take care of them, like their parents never did. But, she was still a kid herself, really, which made it that much harder.*
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He crinkled his nose as he chuckled, “ah, yeah..” He leaned back some more, tugging her with him, not willing to give up the comfort that she exuded. “You could say that one again,” he remembered things, like her, but also remembered other things. Juvie days, the days he tried not to talk about so much, many things had happened there that had left him ashamed.
He sometimes wondered if Jamie knew the whole truth, not the half-truths the boys had told her. However, he was not too sure if he would ever tell her everything. It was too shameful for him, he had only been fourteen at the time, like the rest of them.
A slow exhale as he grinned at her, he shrugged a shoulder, “but you have to admit that those were the days, I sorta miss ‘em.” He tapped her chin, “I know how you are. Why do you think I’m here?” He looked around, “you still tolerate me.”
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*Now they were laying stretched-out against the couch and she felt nice and safe in his arms. She brought the blanket with her as well, though she was no longer cold, more force of habit. Growing up, she'd learned that it was better to have as many layers as possible between you and the rest of the world, but that lesson had been drilled into her moreso in juvie. She didn't think about it much, and when she did, it was unpleasant to say the least. People on TV liked to say that you had to deal with a trauma before you could move past it, to function. Jamie'd been functioning just fine, or so she liked to tell herself. She had a job, friends, a place to sleep. Her burden wasn't any greater or any less than anybody she knew. Bringing her mind back from her idle musing, she had to laugh at Randy.* Yeah, some of it was pretty fun. *When he tapped her chin, she raised her hand, brushing away hair that had fallen over his eyes.*
I don't just tolerate you, Randy. You're....my friend. *But that wasn't entirely accurate. He was definitely her friend, but he was also special to her in a way that she couldn't quite articulate. She only knew that if something happened to him, she'd be crushed.*
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He chuckled as he tilted his head at her, “pretty fun?” His mind flashed back to a more innocent time, well, as innocent as one could get growing up the way they did. His lips curved into a mischievous smile, “uh-huh, yeah..” His arms tightened a bit around her, “hey, you remember that wall behind the school?” The first time they kissed, he could not remember what made them kiss. A dare? Probably, knowing how they had been, but he could remember the daze he had been in after the kiss.
Nowadays, all the kisses he had received never compared to that kiss. However, he was not going to tell her that, he did not want to change the comfortable friendship they had grown into.
Besides, he figured that the others had the same feeling about her. He was not going to ask that, either, he was afraid of finding out the answer, and of the emotions that could come with it. Jealousy, surprise, and so many others.
“I’m your... what?” He glanced down at her, surprised little look hidden by the dark. He had never heard her hesitate until then.
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*Her cheeks flushed when he mentioned the wall behind the school. She remembered what had happened there, how nervous they had been. It was a dare, but who had dared them, she couldn't remember. She did remember standing there and watching him. Then, she closed her eyes, because if movies had taught her one thing, it's you always close your eyes the first time. When their lips met, she felt a bit of a spark, and it left her a bit dizzy. In spite of the fact that she failed the math test that afternoon, she'd kept a smile the rest of the day as a result. But, that was all there ever was between them. It made Jamie a bit sad, but she'd seen far too many relationships end badly, destroying what were once good friendships. Besides, there was no indication he'd thought anything different about that dare.*
You're my friend, Randy. *There was another pause, as putting her thoughts into words on this topic was difficult. However, he deserved to know. As she spoke, her hand nervously squeezed the edge of the blanket.* A really good friend. *She drew a ragged breath as she looked into his face, still hidden by shadow.* I don't know how to describe how I feel about you beyond that. But I do know that I'd be crushed if anything happened to you.
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He could feel her hesitation, and in turn, he seemed to have taken it on as well. His teeth grazed against his bottom lip, he was not sure what to do now. He had been the one to bring up the wall behind the school, and for what? It was not like he was going to grab her up in his arms and passionately kiss her.
... Right?
He frowned slightly at his thoughts, and shifted carefully, trying not to exhibit the conflict inside his mind. He almost wanted to just do it, for the hell of it. To challenge his own thoughts, and hesitation.
But he would not.
“You’re my friend too,” Randall echoed, then chuckled, “you’re the only person besides my mom that calls me Randy.” Silence, he studied her shadow that was starting to become even more clear to his eyes – now that they had adjusted to the dark. “It’s fine, you don’t have to tell me,” he felt slightly foolish for even pressing her about it. “I’d be crushed too,” he stopped, then chuckled, “if it happened to you, I mean.”
Oh, so stupid, he inwardly groaned, kicking himself. What happened to the generally smooth Randall he knew?
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No, Randy...you misunderstand. *Her hand went up to his face, softly caressing his cheek as she spoke.* It's not that I'm embarrassed to tell you. I just don't know how to put my thoughts into words. *She laughed, nervously, and decided, just to be honest with him.* When you kissed me that day, it was wonderful. Even though it was only a dare, I really enjoyed it. I failed Mr Kinson's math test that afternoon, but I was smiling the whole time. But then, nothing else happened between us for a while, and things started changing. *She stopped talking, but left her hand there, warm against his cheek as if she was drawing strength from it.* When I saw what the drugs did to you...it broke my heart.
I care about you so much, Randy...*Then, she did it. She leaned in and brushed his lips with hers, eyes closed. She had to know if she'd feel dizzy like she did back then, before everything changed.*
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“Huh?” He blinked when he was told that he had misunderstood, his eyebrows lifted questioningly at the dark form. He actually tilted his head into her hand when he felt her touch, his eyes closed instinctively. The power of simple human contact could overwhelm, and it did overwhelm him. A slow exhale as he had to remind himself where he was, and what was happening.
She was confessing something?
Would he have to confess as well?
His eyes remained closed as he listened to her talk, he would gladly let her talk forever if it meant her being with him. A slow chuckle as he nodded, remembering that F on her math test, and how furious Kinson had been afterwards with her. Memories, they all flooded back at him, and he welcomed it. He was not sure if he should say anything just yet, he wanted her to keep talking.
Maybe she would say something, and whatever he said in turn would sound just right, not foolish as all the words did in his mind.
“No one would have done what you did for me,” he spoke rather huskily, words threatening to overwhelm just like the situation did. He frowned slightly at himself, not at her, and chuckled quietly. “So do I,” and this time, he did not stutter or stumble over his words. He felt her lips against his, and almost gasped, it was like falling away from everything.
He was numb from her touch, deliciously so, and he tentatively kissed her back.
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*When their lips met, Jamie felt light-headed and found herself leaning against Randy for support. It was as if nothing had changed between the first kiss and this one. Then, she felt him kiss her back, and her body relaxed. She knew she'd been taking a risk by kissing him, but she had to know one way or the other. It seems that she'd made a wise decision, judging by his enthusiastic response.
When the kiss ended, Jamie's face was flushed, and she was smiling. Once again, words were escaping her. Funny how that only ever happened around Randy. When she did manage to speak again, she said only one word.* Wow.
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Randall did not want to stop kissing her, but he had to, and when she pulled away, he made a little noise. A mix between a sigh and a whimper, his eyes still closed. He shifted slightly, relaxing even more under her, instead of tensing up. A breathless chuckle as he eyed her shadow, “you could say that again...”
It really had not changed, all the kisses he had received were definitely nothing like this. Between the first kiss he had gotten from Jamie behind the wall, all these years back, and now...
Now it was almost like they were picking up where they began.
“Uh...” His mind raced, he was not quite sure what to do next. He knew they had stepped over some invisible line from friendship to something different. God, what if the others found out? What would they say? They had ribbed the two the first time around, but that was natural for teenagers.
They all had grown up now, for most part.
“Hi,” he chuckled softly as he adjusted his arms, still keeping her wrapped up in his arms. “I guess it was a good thing my dad had to be such a prick tonight, huh?”
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*She snuggled up against him, feeling safe as always in his arms. Although Jamie had dated others in the years between that kiss and this one, they had never ended well. There were an alarming number of 'Me Tarzan, You Jane' mindsets in Hell's Kitchen, and somehow Jamie drew them like a moth to the flame. When they found out they couldn't control her, there was yelling, jealousy, and in one case, a beating. But, Jamie'd simply waited until the bastard fell asleep, clubbed him repeatedly with a nice aluminum bat, and then left, never to return. The very idea that he'd been beat so soundly by a girl would have haunted him, so he never revealed who the assailant was. Jamie never told, either.
In all her relationships, she'd always been waiting for the other shoe to drop, never fully comfortable. How could she be, when every relationship she'd seen had been so dysfunctional, so violent? But, she wasn't worried about Randy. He was different. She always felt safe with him. His words made her laugh as she rested her head against his chest.* No, Randy, it's not...it was good that we couldn't sleep, though.
*She hadn't even considered how this new development might affect the dynamics of the group. It was ironic, to say the least, that this had happened so fast. What was going to be another night of talking and dozing had been colored by romancce. Jamie didn't know what to do next, but for now sh ewas content to just be with him.*
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He lifted his eyebrows when she laughed, a little crinkle of his nose while he gave that little half-smile of his. A tilt of his head as he let one of his hands run through her hair, it seemed like the sensations were different this time around. Almost as if he was using all five of his senses as a new person, or rather, re-learning them. “Then we have to thank Tony.
“You think he’d let us live it down?” He was not sure what he should be saying right now, he felt so numb underneath her. But it was not such a bad feeling, it was the kind one would hear of in romance stories.
However, he never thought he could compare any of his romances to such great romances like Casablanca, or some other movie he could not recall at the moment. “I guess we can try to sleep or something,” he mumbled, not quite sure what to do next, like her.
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*She laughed again at Randy, and sighed softly as he ran his fingers through her hair. It was just so, comfortable, for lack of a better word. They were more connected now than ever before, and Jamie felt stronger somehow, better able to face the bad news that would inevitably follow this unforseen good news.* Yeah....*Her free hand went to cover her mouth and she partially sat up, turning her face to his before she spoke.* This is going to be interesting, I told Tony that we...weren't together because I thought he was confused. But.....now we are, right? I mean, I'd like to, but if you didn't want..*She was rambling again, and she always hated how it made her sound. Without thinking about it, she had found Randy's free hand, and placed hers over it.*
Or, we can try sleep...*Maybe sleep would give her a chance to sort out the jumbled thoughts running through her head.*
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“Hey,” Randall chuckled as she rambled, he was used to this aspect of her, it was endearing in more than one way. “Tony asked about us?” He lifted his eyebrow, then shrugged, “makes sense, I was out-cold while he was here.” A half smile as he tugged her back down against his chest, not liking the sudden departure of space between them. If she allowed him to tug her down, he cuddled up with her, burying his face in her hair.
When her hand lit on his, he tangled their gingers up, contently. “You want us to be together?” He lifted his eyebrow, the question was tentative.
He had thought about asking her many times throughout the years, but never wanted to change things. His lips twisted as he watched her figure in the dawning light that spilled through the window. God, she never looked as beautiful as she did right there, and he almost said something about it.
But he was always so shy about being able to express his words in a way a collegiate would.
“We should sleep on it, yeah,” he squinted slightly, “if the light doesn’t bother you so much.”
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No, he didn't ask about us, Randy. *She laughed, laying back down against him and hugging him.* I told him you were here, and then without thinking, I added we weren't dating. *She paused.* Amazing the difference that can be made in a couple hours. *She squeezed his hand, enjoying the way it felt to be actually experiencing what she'd played out in her mind so many times, but could never bring herself to act on.*
I-I do want us to be together, Randy. I have since that kiss behind the school. I've seen so many relationships go wrong, though, that I was scared to do anything about it. *She continued to squeeze his hand, snuggling closer as she paused.* I care about you so much that I don't know what I'd do if we quit being friends, even if we couldn't stay together as a couple. *She just closed her eyes, and listened to his heartbeat as she waited for a response.*
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Randall could not believe how much she laughed, it was as if events from earlier that night had never happened. As if her mother had not tried to pound down her door, and his mother had not called him to pick his father up from jail. Almost as if he had just stopped by to see how things were, and now, look at them. They were actually laying on the couch together – as if that part was new – but they were talking of being a couple.
He had not thought this would happen, he figured Tony would try to snatch her up, or any one else. There had been guys who wanted her pretty badly, but, nothing seemed to ever come out of that.
“Well, he’s gonna be asking this time,” he flashed that half-smile, crinkling his nose as he tugged his head away from her hair. “It’s already been a couple hours?” He blinked, time really did fly when he was comfortable, and it made his head spin, as he listened to her continue.
Then when she fell silent, he was silent still. All these thoughts bombarded him during the silence, and he just had to talk.
“We should be together,” he stopped for a second, not wanting to find himself rambling like Jamie had been just minutes ago. “I want us together,” he admitted, almost shyly at that.
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*She raised her head from his chest like a prairie dog at his response. Her eyes grew wider and she broke into a smile.* Oh, Randy..*She brushed his lips with hers, and was nearly overcome by emotion again at the intoxicating feelings it brought her. She paused for a moment to get herself back under control before she continued. As endearing as her rambling may seem to others, at times, it proved very frustrating to Jamie herself.*
That settles it then. We're a couple. *In the back of her mind, she heard 'a couple of what?', but she tuned it out. She wasn't going to let anything bring her down now. The time for doubt would come later. She squeezed his hand again and just looked into his eyes. The smile on her face just would not go away, and were it anybody else, she might find it annoying.*
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He watched her, it almost made him laugh, the way she responded to his words. His lips twisted into a comfortable smile as he ran his fingers along her back, this was how it should be. Comfortable, and just... He could not really think of words how to describe the feel of the situation. He had envisioned this whole thing to be nerve-wracking, until it actually happened.
Now it was just elating. He found himself wanting to jump over the moon at all this.
It made sense, she took care of him, she had seen him at his worst, and now, she was going to see him at his best – if that was possible.
Even in his elation, he had twinges of doubt, but he would not let it interfere. Today was supposed to be a happy day, he kissed her in turn, and found himself thrilled from head to toe all over again.
“Mhm, we’re a couple,” he spoke in a slow drawl, finding himself in a daze. “We should sleep, or something,” he chuckled as he stretched under her, “we have enough time to go and be... a couple.” He blinked, that sounded odd saying that, but at the same time, it was rather nice.
He now had to rack his brain for something to do that was different, he could not just take her to any old coffee shop.
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*It was odd, the feeling that accompanies getting what you want after you've waited so long to get it. Jamie wasn't quite sure how to react now that the feelings she had for Randy were out in the open, even returned. So, she did what she always did in times of great uncertainty, and attached herself to him. They had been close as far back as Jamie could remember, and this only served to deepen the relationship they shared. He'd been there for her when she was a mess. He was the only one who saw her after she'd been abused, even though she didn't tell him the truth about what happened. She was a mess, but it wasn't until he'd taken her in his arms that she'd been able to cry. He just held her, and that meant more to her than she could ever find words to tell him, even now.*
I like the sound of that, Randy, don't you? Us...a couple. *To Jamie, it didn't matter what they did or where they went. All that mattered was that they were finally together. That made life in Hell's Kitchen a little more bearable.*
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He laughed, “it’s great, James,” he tugged at her hair gently, “do you want to run around and announce it? Or should we put it in the papers?” He decided to abandon his uncertainty by being a goof, of course he was happy. Elated, if he could jump over the moon, he would. “Don’t get upset with me,” he quickly added, he knew he could sound so sarcastic sometimes, without meaning to.
Silence, he bit his bottom lip, then smiled at her. “We’re officially a couple, yeah...” He blinked, “that was easy as hell,” a chuckle came from him, he looked at her.
“I always thought you’d just run away or something when I asked.”
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*She shook her head slowly, squeezing Randy's hand again.* The papers? Why not get a plane to fly overhead trailing a banner? Or a skywriter? *She chuckled, and tickled his side in response to his playing with her hair.* Of course, the way things are around here, the plane would probably crash because the pilot was drunk on thirty-dime wine.
*She looked at him, a bit confused at his last comment.* Why would you think I'd do that, Randy? I mean, we've always gotten along so well. *Now, she bit her lip as she figured out what he meant, or at least thought she did.* Well, you never know, I might have. *She squeezed his hand again.* But it wouldn't have been because I didn't like you, just that, I was worried. Relationships around here haven't turned out that well for either of us...but I'd still rather try then spend the rest of my life wondering..
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He flinched when she tickled, but laughed nevertheless, his hands moving to grab at hers. “Hey! Don’t tickle,” he tried to seem all upset, but failed utterly, a smile flashing through the mock-scowl. “Of course, we should just put it in every newspaper in the world, play with the skywriters, hell, let’s go on every tv channel there is!” He just gave in to the silliness, and actually appreciated it.
“Well,” Randall paused as he glanced at her, his fingers toying with hers, “I dunno.” He crinkled his nose as he looked at their fingers, “I guess I had to be sure about it, or something. I mean, if you did go running away, then I wouldn’t be as... crushed.” He blinked as he chose that word, then shrugged at it, it was good enough to explain it.
A twist of his lips as he glanced up at her, “exactly, we’re gonna go ahead and try it.” He scoffed, “we should enjoy it as it happens,” he shrugged, “who knows? We might actually do something right this time around.”
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*She gave him her best innocent expression, but was barely able to hold on to it until she pressed her lips together and nodded to fight the urge to laugh. Being happy wasn't a feeling that Jamie had had much opportunity to experience, especially over the past few years. But now, it bubbled within her, leaving her feeling light and exhilarated all at once.*
*She stroked his hand as she listened to him talk about his feelings, about her, and insecurity. She nodded again when he mentioned being sure. It was the need to be certain that had led her to kiss him after all this time, to start this interesting series of events into motion.*
I'm enjoying it right now, Randy. Why should the rest of things be any different? Besides, we're luckier than most. You already know my secrets, and I already know yours, so we don't have to go through the shocking discovery process...We've known each other so long. *There had never been a time when he hadn't been there for Jamie when she needed him, and she'd always done the same.*
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The innocent expression was the cause of his failure to keep the mock scowl, he grinned at her and tugged her into a bear-hug. “Too cute,” he murmured in the hug, he lifted his eyebrows as he realized he was actually saying things he had wanted to say for quite a while.
He crinkled his nose and chuckled, “why do you always end up comforting me?” He tweaked her fingers, and chuckled again, a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m gonna have to really... do something big.” He blinked, then shrugged again as he listened to her talk. “I know, you’re right. We already went through all that stuff, now we can just do the whole `boyfriend-girlfriend` thing.” A pause, he almost smacked his hand on his forehead.
“I sound like I’m in junior high again or something.”
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You do something really big ever time I need you too, Randy. *She didn't want there to be any secrets between them, which meant telling him something that in all likelihood, he already knew.* Like when I came to see you all beat up. *Her breath caught in her throat, and she squeezed his hand tightly.* I didn't get robbed. It was Zeke. We had a fight, and he... *She hadn't wanted to tell him then, partially out of shame that she'd let herself become another statistic, and partially because she knew Randy would be tempted to do something stupid and she might lose him too.* I'm the one that took the bat to him after he fell asleep. *Her voice dropped to a whisper.* I almost killed him.
*She sat there in silence for a few minutes before continuing.* Then, I wandered the streets for an hour or two, not knowing what to do until I found myself at your door. I almost didn't knock, but I did. *Just as she had that night, Jamie started to cry. She'd scared herself that night, with the amount of pure rage she felt, the damage she could do to somebody else. That wasn't the kind of person she wanted to be. She wanted to be like she was now...happy and secure with someone who cared about her, someone like Randy.*
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He frowned as he listened to her, his arms instinctively tightening around her, trying to take care of her – and chase away the emotions that seemed to be threatening to overwhelm her. He frowned even more, his lips grazing along her jaw, “why didn’t you tell me the whole truth?” A tilt of his head as he looked at her, he remembered that night quite vividly. He remembered the anger he felt towards the supposed robber, but now, the anger seemed to be for naught. He could remember the bruises, the cuts, and the fear on her face. “Jeez,” he whispered, “you have no idea how angry I was...” A pause, he shifted to take her face into his hands, “I would have gone to jail all over again if I had met up with the guy, even if it was Zeke.”
He also remembered Zeke, he of course, had not liked him instantly. Then again, he really had not liked the guys that had come into her life, he wanted to be the only one, besides the others that they called their brothers.
His fingers stroked along her cheeks, “hey,” he spoke softly, “I’d have done anything for you. I still would.” He tilted his head, studying her, “at least you came to me, huh?” He paused, biting his bottom lip as he thought.
No secrets, huh?
God, he had the biggest one, and he did not know how she would respond. He also did not know if the others wanted her to know. It was too shameful, and he did not want to go there so soon, he knew he probably would suffer some nervous break-down. “I wish I could just tell you,” he spoke, amid his thoughts.
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*She tilted her head, still safely held in his hands. Her crying had stopped, but her cheeks were still wet. She drew a slow breath before answering him.* I know you would, Randy..I did then. That's why I couldn't tell you. I knew how you'd react, what you might try to do. I needed to have you with me more than I needed revenge. *She smiled faintly.* Even when I didn't know what to do and I felt horribly alone, I still found my way to you. Part of me knew what to do, don't you think? *Then, she leaned forward, kissing his lips. As she pulled back, she brushed more stray hair out of his face.*
*It wasn't until a few moments later that it registered in her mind that he'd said something else, a hint at a secret of his own. Whatever it was, she could tell it was tearing him up inside. She placed a finger over the lips she'd just kissed, tilting her head.* You don't have to tell me anything, Randy. No matter what happened to you or to me, it won't change anything. I love you. I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do...we've both had too much of that in our lives.
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He moved his hands to wipe away the remains of her tears, the fact that she cried was killing him more than anything could. He usually hated it when girls cried, but this time, it was something even worse. It was her, and her tears were something... He could not really explain the effect those tears had on him. His lips twisted as he let her speak, he knew that interrupting would not help things. “Then it’s a good thing you didn’t tell me, hmm?” He managed a smile for her, tilting his head as he tapped her lips.
“Don’t cry so much,” he chuckled, “then I’m gonna start crying, and that’s just a mess.” He twisted his lips, then kissed her in turn, letting her mess with his hair.
His eyes closing as he listened to her, “I’ll tell you... eventually. I just can’t, not right now.” Even if she said he did not have to, he felt almost obligated, even if they had not gotten together, he would have told her one day.
... Did he just hear her correctly? Did she just say that she loved him?
A smile on his lips, he seemed to have brightened up instantly. “I love you too,” and that was true, it was not just a hollow echo of her words.
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*Jamie had been suspicious of love for as long as she could remember. Her parents, who were supposed to love her unconditionally, only really loved the drugs and each other. Jamie had come to accept the fact that she was an unfortunate accident, an intrusion on their lives, at least until she reached the age where they could begin to take from her to supplement their own cravings.
She loved her friends dearly, to the point where she'd do anything for them. But, somehow, Randy had always been different in ways she couldn't put into words. It was so frustrating too, because she knew there had to be a way to describe the feelings that she had. But, when she said that she loved him, the pieces fell into place. Then, to see him smile and better yet, admit he loved her too was almost too much. She knew he wasn't lying, or trying to get her in bed like others had tried. He was being sincere, and she felt light-headed again as emotion swept through her. She hugged him tightly. Maybe things were finally going to improve...* It's fine, Randy...I trust you. *She did, with her life, and trust was something else Jamie didn't extend to many people.*