Chance Meeting

She stares into the mirror, turning her head from one side to the other, her makeup palette in front of her, the foundation open as she does her best to hide the purplish mark on the one side of her face. It's not much, but its better than it was, glaring at her from the mirror when she'd woken up at that morning. Hank had been irritated the night before, not having scored like he was supposed to, and of course, in some bizarre way, that was Tracy's fault.

"You can always leave," she mutters to herself, under her breath so has not to wake the sleeping from of her boyfriend. But she knows she won't. She'll stay because somewhere deep inside, she thinks she deserves it. She's made this observation already. Besides, she has nowhere to go.

Slipping out in her waitress uniform, she lights a cigarette on her way to the streets, her lungs taking in the precious smoke that keeps her from going crazy. It's her second addiction, the one that she doesn't have to hide. In a small diner a few blocks down, Tracy will start her shift by locking herself in the bathroom and indulging in her first.

Now though, the dirty streets of her neighborhood glare at her, though she's immune. A hellhole for one who didn't deserve any better. She'll probably always be here, her only salvation coming in the form of a cut too deep, or the bad karma she's formed in her past bringing about her ultimate demise.

--------------------------------------------------------------

*As Jamie walked down the street, her eyes panned the streets, watching people, places, events. One didn't survive long without being aware of everything around her. But, as one face came into focus, Jamie felt herself stiffen. It was a dark face from her past, one that had brought Jamie much pain and suffering while she was in Juvie.

But, she was free now, her and her friends. Although they had been written off by much of the neighborhood, they were doing fine. Tony was out of prison, Randy was sober and well, hers. The thought made her smile, even though she was staring into the face of her enemy. An enemy who has aged as Jamie herself had, but not as well.*

Hello, Tracy. *The words slipped from her lips without thinking as she continued to walk. The two were almost face-to-face now, but Tracy seemed distracted with other things.*

---------------------------------------------------------------

She barely registers the voice that seeps into her clouded brain as she walks, already yearning for what she deprived herself of that morning at home, just wanting to get out of there, away from Hank, for had she woken him up, god forbid, she might not even be making it to work.

She stops though, a little belatedly and peers at the one who said hi to her. She blinks a few times, the familiarity of the other woman gnawing at her for a few minutes. "Hi," she says warily, her lips turned in a defensive sneer, her eyes studying the girl from head to toe. "Do I know you?" Tracy is pretty sure she does, but the memory is too deep to pull in that instant, and the pleasure of the blade she keeps in her purse is too strong for her take her mind off.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

*Now, with Tracy stopped before her, Jamie could tell she wasn't doing very well. Her makeup job didn't completely hide the bruising evident on the girl's face, though it had been applied with a practiced hand. Brushing hair back from her face, she looked the other girl in the eyes. Where the steely-eyed focus of Tracy would have once made Jamie cower and cringe, now, she felt more stable, more sure of herself.

Seeing Tracy's injury only served to give Jamie a twinge of compassion toward her enemy. It was not her nature to hate anyone, not even Zeke.*

Well, you knew me as Princess, Tracy. I was the one banging all my friends back in Juvie, or so you thought.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The minute she says "Princess" Tracy snickers as it comes back to her in a flood. Her little slave from juvie all those years back. It was a wonder the girl remembered her, recognized her, whatever. "Well if it isn't little Jamie Bauer," she says, her voice not friendly, but not overly hateful either, as if the years since they'd last seen each other had erased all emotion completely from Tracy's being.

Inside, Tracy could remember seeing Jamie for the first time and oh how she hated her. The pretty brunette with her sweet countenance had the world. Tracy never did figure out why she was at the center, nor did she care. Whatever it had been couldn't have been more than yelling at her parents when she couldn't have her way.

Long forgotten feelings well up, but they're too weak, too shadowed by everything Tracy's life has become since. "Looks like life is still treating you right, Princess. Apparently whatever you were doing then is still working, no matter who was banging who." The words are malicious, but the tone is not, nothing more than a dull rasp from Tracy's smoke scratched throat.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

*Jamie nodded, but inside her mind was racing. She hadn't liked the violent angry Tracy, but at least it seemed like that girl was alive. The Tracy she faced now was just a shadow of what she had once been, and it made Jamie a little bit sad. She even spoke as though it took an inordinate amount of effort. Whatever dislike and anger had festered between them seemed to have dissolved away and she could see Tracy as another victim of life in the Kitchen.*

I get by...*There was no need to go into details at this point in time. Chances were she might not run into Tracy again.* Are you ok? *She wanted to ask about the injury, because Jamie had a sneaky suspicion she knew where it came from. Jamie wouldn't wish that kind of thing on anybody, even Tracy.*

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Tracy can feel her cheeks burning under Jamie's gaze, knowing that the girl is looking at what can be seen of Hank's little love tap from the night before. "Yeah, Princess. I'm fine."

Tracy narrows her eyes, for the expression on Jamie's face is almost one of concern. Genuine, at that. Shaking her head, she laughs humorlessly. "It's nothing I'm not used to, and probably nothing I don't deserve." Tracy lets a sigh escape her lips as she lights another cigarette. "I would think that if anyone out there thought I needed the shit kicked out of me, it would be you, Jamie. Revenge is sweet after all. If you'd like, one of these days you can come over and watch my old man really kick the shit out of me. This is nothing."

A tiny bit of emotion shows itself as Tracy's voice begins to shake, almost becoming a sob as she chokes the words out, but she refuses to cry, dragging heavily on the newly lit cigarette instead.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Jamie sighed, closing her eyes as Tracy's words confirmed what she was afraid of. The poor girl was getting her ass kicked. Stepping forward, she put a hand on the girl's shoulder.* Tracy, you may find this hard to believe, especially coming from me, but I know how you feel. I got beat up by a boyfriend too.

*Jamie's voice was soft, and she felt herself getting tense. What happened to her that day was something she wasn't proud of, but it hadn't been her fault.* I couldn't do anything at the time but stand there and take it. I felt helpless. When he fell asleep, I took a bat and I -beat- the shit out of him. I almost killed him, Tracy. *Jamie smiled, but it was the barest hint of a smile.* He was so embarrassed by the fact a girl beat him up that he never told anyone and I stayed out of prison. So, yes, I can understand how things can be. But, you don't have to put up with it anymore. If you wanted, you can stay with me.

*Enemy or not, Tracy needed help. Jamie's life seemed to be defined by her ability to help others. It was as natural to her as breathing, and she couldn't turn it off.*

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

The whole interaction was surreal to Tracy. Was Jamie Bauer really that good or was there some strange ulterior motive going on here? Never in her life had anyone shown Tracy anything other than pain, in one form or another, and now, even Tracy was treating herself to the same behind closed doors.

Now, standing in front of her was a girl she'd terrorized, beat up, and stole from offering her a place to stay, a way out of the hell she was living in. In her broken mind, things just weren't adding up.

"Look Jamie," she says, almost nervously. "I don't expect you to be nice to me, okay? I remember what I did to you back then, and if you don't well all the more power to you, because had someone done that shit to me, I would have sliced their throat when they were sleeping." Again, such harsh words flowing from a soulless voice. "For all I know, that could be what you're planning. Truthfully, I believed that, I'd take you up on your offer...might be easier to let someone else end it for me, you know?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Geezus..*Jamie barely breathed the word. It made sense that Tracy didn't believe her. Maybe she should grab the girl, or shake her, or start swearing.* Fuck, Tracy. Don't talk like that.

*Grabbing the girl by the arm, she led her into an alleyway between a bodega and an OTB. Jamie was still concerned about her, and not ready to let her head off into whatever she was into.* You know why I didn't kill you then? Why I didn't want to? *Emotion was filling Jamie's voice, and she could feel herself beginning to ramble like she always did.* Because Randy, Tony, and the others cared about me. My parents, the ones who brought me into this world, care only about drugs and getting their next hit. *Tears started sliding down her cheeks, but Jamie continued to speak.* I knew I had something that I could look forward to when I got out, and people who wanted to be with me for me, not because I was 'putting out'. Maybe you had that at one time, maybe you never did. But Tracy, whether you believe me or not, you should have friends like that too. It doesn't have to be me or Randy or Tony, but you need someone. Whatever's happened to you in the past doesn't change that one bit.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It surprised her to hear Jamie mention her parents as drug addicts. It was nothing that had ever crossed Tracy's mind, knowing only her own situation and not taking into account that anyone else would have the same problem. Still, it hurt to hear Jamie talking about having friends...it was a concept that Tracy had never known.

"Do you know what I had to look forward to when I got out, Jamie?" Tracy leans back sluggishly against the alley wall, her demeanor that of one whose given up. That morning when she'd waken up, she'd been close. Now, looking at Jamie, seeing how she'd obviously flourished since getting out...as much as one could in this shithole of a neighborhood...she realized that the edge wasn't looking so bad after all. "I had no friends, Jamie. I had an uncle who, had he not blown his brains out while I was in juvie, would have been waiting to fuck me again, just like he did before I went in."

Her head falls back against the concrete, and she realizes that the dull pain it causes is almost as comforting as when she slices her skin. Pushing herself away from the wall, she shakes her head. "I'm glad things have turned out for you, Princess, I really am. But enjoy your life, okay? There's nothing out there that's going to make mine any better." With a defeated slump in her shoulders, she goes to walk away, each minute with Jamie reminding her just how far she's sank.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Damn, Tracy...*Again, she takes hold of the girl's arm. She's still not ready to let her walk off.* You're never going to go to find out if you just go back to life as it was. *She sighed heavily, looking at Tracy with a cocked head.* I didn't like you in Juvie, Tracy. I'm going to be honest. But at least that Tracy was alive, had a spark in her. You've lost that. I don't know if that's your boyfriend's fault or if something else happened to you, but I meant what I said. You can stay with me if you want. *Jamie was running out of things to say, but she really wanted to help. It was just so damn difficult sometimes, when it didn't have to be.* I never was a princess, Tracy. I'm no saint, either. Even though we didn't get along, I don't like seeing you get taken advantage of. Just stay with me for a day. *Now there was a pleading note in Jamie's voice, one she usually tried to avoid.* If you don't like it, I'll let you go back to a guy who treats you as if all the problems of the world are your fault, and Who may or may not say he loves you when he's not punching you in the face. *Jamie'd let go of Tracy's arm somewhere along the way and was standing with arms crossed over her chest.* But, you don't deserve that, any more than I did, no matter what kind of pervert your uncle was.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As much as she hates to admit it, Jamie's offer is tempting. God how she'd love to leave Hank, to have somewhere to go where she didn't have to go numb to take whatever mood he happened to be in that night. It was hard though, taking anything from anyone.

Biting her lips hard, Tracy looks at Jamie for a few long minutes. "Jamie, I don't know. Even if I stay for one night...and it doesn't work out..." She shakes her head and looks at her watch. "I have to get to work." She puts a hand through her hair and taps her foot anxiously, totally unsure of how to take such kindness. "Do you have a number or something? I get off work at 3. I can call you then and let you know what I decide to do."

She keeps any hope in her voice at bay, knowing that as much as she wants to, chances are she'll probably go home after work. But even just taking a phone number from Jamie would give her at least something to dream about during her shift.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Well, nothing comes with a guarantee. But, the fact that Tracy was even considering the offer made Jamie feel a little better.* Yeah, hang on. *Reaching into her purse, she finds paper and a pen, scrawling down her numbers and her name. She hands it to Tracy, with just a slight smile. Lord knows she should hate Tracy, but it's damn hard to do so when the girl seemed so broken.* The first is my apartment, the second's my cell phone. If you don't decide to take me up on the offer, please hold onto it. No matter what happened between us in juvie, you can call me if you want to whenever. *Her words were sincere, and a chuckle escpaed her lips as she thought of how often she'd answered her phone to discover one friend or another in need of assistance.* Really, I'm used to being woke up all the time, and not by booty calls like you might be thinking. *As she watches Tracy, Jamie is again thankful that she had friends. If it hadn't been for them, she'd be on drugs like her parents or still being a victim like Tracy was.*

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She looks at the information that Jamie gives her for a few seconds before slipping it into her purse with a nod. "Thank you Jamie." She gives a tired laugh. "You may see me on your doorstep very soon." As she goes to walk away, she stops, something Jamie said filtering into her brain.

"You know, Jamie. I knew you weren't a whore." It seems such an odd thing to say after so many years since she'd made the accusation, but it suddenly feels like something that needs to be cleared up. "You were too good to be a whore. It was just wishful thinking on my part, wanting you to be less than the perfect princess I saw you as."

With one last sigh, she waves and takes off down the alley, making her way to work at the diner, where her planned escape of bathroom cutting is put on hold and she spends the day arguing with herself on where to go when her shift ends: Home, or to Jamies.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Jamie had to laugh to herself as Tracy started walking away. If she saw her again, well, good. If she didn't, then the dark side of Hell's Kitchen claimed another victim. Jamie wished Tracy luck, she was going to need it. When she spoke, Jamie was speaking only to herself.* I never was a princess...just a girl. *As Tracy started off on her trip to work, Jamie continued on her walk, again musing on how rapidly things could change.*

~*~ Back ~*~