Pairing: Chris Larabee/Vin Tanner
Rating: R (a *very* soft one though)
Warnings/spoilers: None

*****

It probably wasn't such a good idea, but not all tries were in vain. Vin walked into the stable, knowing Chris would already be there. He walked slowly, uncertainly, then told himself that he was as determined now as he had been when he'd got out of bed, just a while earlier. Unfortunately he wasn't, but that wasn't of importance, not letting Chris know was. The man in black had already managed to get a deathly strong grip of his heart, he'd felt like he'd never even had time to react before it happened, but letting Chris know that he was the one of them who held all the power seemed stupid, dangerous. Vin stopped just outside the stall where Chris's horse, and Chris himself, were, suddenly feeling lost for words. Not that he'd come down here to hold a speech or anything, but having nothing to say at all would have to wait a little. What they had, whatever it was, was most likely not solid enough for complete silence. Obviously he wasn't the only one of that opinion, as Chris's voice soon cut through the silence that had so far only been disturbed by the occasional neighing and scraping of hoofs of the horses.

"Decided to get up, did you?"

Vin looked at the figure preparing his horse, then said softly, "I didn't think you heard me coming in."

A short, barely audible, laughter was heard. An almost imperceptible shake of the head, and Chris said, "If I hadn't heard you, I don't think I'd be the kind of man you'd want to ride with." He finished putting the saddle right, and added, "Am I right?"

"You're right." As usual.

"Are the others on their way too?"

"I don't know. I just got out of bed a while after you...you know..." 'After you stopped holding me, got up and became Chris Larabee, famous gunslinger who apparently does not show any more affection than necessary,' he wanted to add, but didn't.

"Yeah, well, staying in bed all day never kept the world going," Chris said.

It didn't, who could argue with that? Maybe if it was a man and a woman staying in bed, but two men? Hardly. He and Chris? Far from it, but it kept him going. He'd had a life before, a world, but where was it now? Chris's entrance in his life had opened up a new world to him, but where on earth where they headed? If anywhere. It should have been a game to him, but after about only a day or so, he'd realised it wasn't. That, however, didn't mean it wasn't a game to Chris. If so, such a bad combination, waste of love.

"I guess not..." Vin said, weak voice barely managing to carry the simple words.

"Well, better get your horse ready, we're starting early today," Chris said, his back still to Vin. He hadn't acknowledged Vin with so much as a glance since the younger man had come into the stable.

"Yeah..." Vin said, suddenly wondering why he'd come down here early after all. He should have known. But still, he took a few steps into the stall, moving closer to Chris, a right he thought he should have after what they had done the night before. There had been whiskey in abundance in the saloon before they had walked up to their room, but most of it had been drunk by others, not by him and Chris. So he couldn't have forgotten. Vin knew he hadn't. Never would. "But see..." he began, his hand slowly reaching up to gently touch Chris's arm, but just as soon he withdrew it, the other man without words, without even a motion, giving him the feeling that this closeness was not a right that he had after all.

"I thought you had a horse to get ready," Chris said, voice cold as ice.

"Yeah, I just..." Vin said, not knowing what more to say, the rejection cutting through him, hurting him like the sharpest knife.

"Just what?" Chris said, watching him for an answer.

Vin watched Chris, wondering just how someone who had made love to him so tenderly just a few hours earlier could so completely become someone else. Someone who, it seemed, didn't appreciate his presence, or his touch. Would it always be like this? And if so, was it worth it? "Nothing," he said, walking away slowly. A few steps, and Chris's voice, a bit softer now, was heard.

"There's a time and place for everything, Vin."

Vin turned around, eyes still cast downwards, taking in the words, wishing his heart could stop aching. How could a heart hurt just from someone's words anyway, it shouldn't be possible. He looked up, meeting Chris's eyes, realising from the slightly softer look on his face that the words were meant to make him feel better, not worse. But the look didn't seem to linger a second longer than needed, it was gone before Vin could say anything.

"And this ain't it."

Vin looked at Chris. So this was how it was gonna be? Probably. You get involved with a man like Larabee, you take the consequences, or you leave. Vin knew he couldn't leave if he tried.

*****

A few hours later they were all out riding, checking the surroundings and looking for jobs. It seemed they had stumbled upon a most peaceful place though, because no one needed their help. Not as protectors, and no other jobs seemed available either. Good thing the town at least had an inviting saloon waiting for them when they came back. Inviting women too, as it turned out. Before long, all men were engaged in conversation with the prettiest ladies in town. All but Chris. Vin glanced at him now and then while trying to be nice to the young woman who for the last fifteen minutes had shown obvious intentions to be more than nice to him if he so wished. He was as uncomfortable as could be, but he had gotten Chris's message this morning, and had decided to play along. Days were days, and nights were nights.

Or so he had thought. Looking at Chris, who was sitting on a stool just by the bar, he began to feel uncomfortable. Chris looked less than pleased, and quite honestly, Vin couldn't figure out why. Wasn't this what he had wanted? The others weren't supposed to know about them, and surely this was as good a way as any of not letting them. He didn't intend to do anything with the woman, just let on that he was. If he just waited long enough, his companions would already have gone up to their rooms with their respective women, and tomorrow he could pretend that he'd done the same. He tried to avoid looking at Chris for a while, expecting to see a woman by his side the next time he looked up. He knew it would hurt like hell, but as long as he...as long as he didn't do anything with her. Vin closed his eyes briefly, the pain in his chest completely unexpected. The moment he opened his eyes again, he felt a tap on his shoulder, and heard a familiar voice.

"If you'll excuse me, Miss, I need to talk to my partner here." Chris's hand lingered on Vin's shoulder, and he squeezed it briefly, then added, his voice as cold as it had been the same morning, "Now."

The young lady looked disappointed, but only for a moment. She soon moved on, watching for some other man who could help her get by a few more days.

"What's going on?" Vin asked, but he already knew. The realisation scared him, but he hoped so badly that he was right.

"I could ask you the same," Chris said, with his hand firmly steering Vin up the stairs and towards his room. Once inside, he shut the door and took hold of Vin's shoulders, his eyes never leaving the younger man's. "Get one thing straight, Tanner," he began, his hands moving upwards, taking a soft, yet threatening, hold around Vin's throat, "You are mine. You don't ever touch another person again, man or woman, you hear me?"

Tanner heard him. Loud and clear. He wondered if it would be admitting defeat if he threw himself into Chris's arms and screamed 'Yes' all he could. Whether it was or not, he didn't. It seemed pointless anyway, his submissiveness must surely be obvious enough as it was. How had this happened, and how had he let it happen? And God, let it never stop. Vin slowly raised his arms, softly beginning to caress Chris's chest, Chris's hands still on his throat. "Yes..." He hadn't actually touched the woman, but that wasn't quite the issue here. And he did belong to Chris.

"I'm glad we understand each other." Chris let go of Vin's throat, and he began to stroke Vin's arms. "What was all that about, anyway?" he asked, his voice a bit more gentle.

Vin looked at Chris for a moment, then put his head on Chris's shoulder, his body letting him know how badly he needed this closeness to Chris. "I thought...this morning..." Vin turned silent, then tried again, "I thought maybe you wanted me to go on like nothing has happened, you know, to try and fool the other guys." Vin felt how Chris tilted his head, felt his eyes on him, his knees going all weak. Any explanation seemed to be of no use.

"I don't want the other guys to know, and I don't want you running around with anyone else," Chris said simply, then began undressing Vin, pushing him down onto the bed when done.

Vin nodded, then lay on the bed watching Chris as he undressed and lay down beside him. As tender as ever, but tonight without much ceremony, Chris entered the younger man, the intensity and Vin's soft moans making him bite his lover's neck, his shoulders, over and over, thoroughly marking him as his. Then it was over.

Vin lay thinking for several minutes, enfolded in the safety of Chris's strong arms. The older man was quiet, he hadn't said a word, had barely made a sound when he came. Vin supposed he might be concerned about the people in the other rooms; God forbid they should hear anything. Chris had even bitten him far enough down on his neck that his collar would cover it. Self control, the one guiding light in Chris Larabee's life.

Vin smiled, a bit sadly, his hand reaching up to caress Chris's cheek, then said softly, "I love you, Chris."

He could feel Chris tighten his arms around him a little, then he felt him kissing the top of his head. More silence, then, "Go to sleep, Vin."

You told someone you loved them, they told you to go to sleep. Life just wasn't fair sometimes.

*****

End, part I. On to Part II