Buffy was breathing hard, panting even, her lips colliding with Angel's again, their mouth's hungrily tasting their first kiss in two long years. As his tongue drowned in her mouth, she moaned, wound her arms tight around his neck and pulled him back to the couch with her.

“Angel…” she whimpered, as his hot, hard body covered hers.

“Buffy,” he groaned in a strangled voice, forcing his lips away from hers. “We can't do this…we can't.”

“No, we can,” she protested, arching against him, “who cares about the curse? I don't…no, all I care about is you…Please…” she moaned, and kissed his neck, flicking her tongue out to taste his flesh. He groaned, grabbing her arms and setting her away from him.

Visibly trying to concentrate, he didn't look at her as he rubbed his neck and said, “There is no curse. Well that is to say…no happiness clause anymore.”

Buffy didn't understand for a moment. She simply stared at him, still imagining his lips on hers, their bodies entwining. It took a second for what he had muttered to sink in.

“What?”

He looked vastly uncomfortable as he shifted on the couch, saying softly, “There is no clause. Wes found a spell to bind my soul. The clause has been out of effect for a few months.”


“Oh,” Buffy said blankly. “Oh.”

“Are you angry?” he mumbled and she thought for a moment and then looked into his eyes uncertainly.

“Have you…I mean…have you tried it out? To see if…you know, it works?”

Comprehension dawned and he half-smiled. “Oh love…don't you know that I would never make love to anyone if I couldn't have you?”

She didn't smile, but inwardly she felt her heart beat faster, as if caressed by his words. “Then why did you stop?”

He sighed and cupped her cheek. “Riley,” he answered simply. “You're with him, not me Buffy.”

She lay down and rested her head on his knee, felt him stroke her hair. Sleepily, she rubbed her face against his knee, cat-like and responded, “I'm only with him because I can't be with you.”

“That's unfair to him,” Angel commented and she shrugged.

“It's unfair to everyone. But that's how it is. That's how it's always going to be.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his fingers stilling in her hair.

Buffy shivered, and pressed her face into the soft fabric of his pants. “Since you left me…I've been sort of walking around…half and half. Half of me is in Sunnydale, with the Scoobies and Riley. But the other half has been here with you…walking the night…with you.” She giggled softly, without much humour. “That's corny, isn't it? But it's true. Ever since I met you, I've known…you're what keeps me alive. Keeps me going.”

“Do you love Riley?” he questioned quietly, his unbeating heart aching for her, and for them. For the fire that would not die. For the dream that refused to be awakened into reality.

She hesitated and didn't look at him. “I'm not in love with him,” she replied carefully. “I'm not even sure what I feel. I care about him. I want him to be happy. But he can't reach me. No one can anymore.”

“And why is that?” he asked softly and she took his hand gently, winding her fingers around his.

“Because of you. It's always you,” she said painfully, and he picked her up then, carrying her into his bedroom and laying her down on the voluminous comforter. “Sleep, love. It'll be Christmas soon.”

“Stay with me?” she said sleepily, holding out her empty arms to him. Angel didn't even think. He couldn't let his brain be rational tonight. They needed each other. And that was all that mattered. Sometimes he thought it was all that would ever matter to him.

Kicking off his shoes, he lay down and took her in his strong arms, her face resting against his heart as she breathed deep, falling asleep in a matter of moments. Angel stayed awake. To watch her, and memorize every inch of her sleeping face.

And I'd do anything if I could just be right there where you are
where you and I will breathe together once again
we'll be dancing in the moonlight just like we used to do
and you'll be smiling back at me
only then will I be free
then I will be free
so take me where you are

~~~

When Buffy opened her eyes, she still saw darkness and assumed it wasn't morning. But then she remembered where she was. Angel's place, land of no open curtains.

Stretching slightly, she realized that she was lying half on her side, her head resting on the back of his neck, as he lay on his stomach. Easing away from him, she padded from the bed, and grabbed a sweater from a chair, removing her clothes and putting it on. It smelled like him, and as she went to the window, she lifted it to her nose, inhaling deeply.

Pulling aside the curtains, she made sure it wasn't sunny before opening them fully. It was still early morning, near dawn. Snow fell outside, blanketing everything in crystalline white. Leaning against the pane, Buffy blew on the glass, fogging it up and then drawing her name with a finger.

“Making pictures?” Angel murmured from behind her, placing his hand over hers and pressing it against the cool glass. She breathed in sharply, shaking her head a bit to clear it.

“Pretty ones,” she answered and he laughed quietly, leaning in close as he gazed out the window. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck as he stared at the snowy city.

“So…” Buffy decided to ask something that had been on her mind for a while. “How's Faith?” Angel was startled, she could feel his surprise. “She's fine. As fine as you can be in jail I guess,” he replied, in a tone that she knew meant he didn't know how to approach the subject.

“Is she…is she getting out anytime soon?” Buffy inquired, resting her forehead against the glass.

Angel sighed inaudibly. “Not for a while I would imagine. She seems fine though…optimistic and slowly healing.”

“So you've been to see her,” Buffy remarked blankly and felt him pull her back so she rested in the curve of his chest.

“She really hurt you didn't she?” he said suddenly and Buffy flinched, saying raggedly,

“Well she took my body and slept with my boyfriend…sooo…yes she did. And you know what the funniest thing is? All I keep wondering is, why didn't he know the difference? I mean, shouldn't he have known it wasn't really me?”

Angel sighed, his hands holding hers as she slumped back against his chest. He sat down and rested her between his thighs. She lay against his stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “You would have known.”

It was said dully, but it still shocked them both. Buffy couldn't believe she had put a voice to the thought that had been whirling around in her mind since it happened. Angel winced at her words, and acknowledged the truth of them in his mind. He would have known. He couldn't deny that.

“Yes I would have,” he said softly and she nodded, curling against his body and watching the snow dance outside.

They lay like that for an hour…simply watching the snow drift from the heavens. And neither ever wanted to move.

Buffy wondered as she lay there, if she would ever be this content with anyone else? Would she ever be able to lie with Riley and watch the snow fall outside…not even saying a word…? She knew the answer was no. When she was with Riley, she needed to be doing something…anything…she needed to be slaying, talking, laughing or having sex. Because the silence was too much. It whispered things she didn't want to hear.

Pressing her face against his shirt-front, she smelled his scent and wept bitter tears. For what could never be. What he would not allow to be. Angel held her, the pain coming from her small form choking him, making it hard to breathe. But he bore it. For her. It was always for her.


~~~

“Do you have a tree?” she asked him some time later, rubbing her eyes and regarding him seriously. He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear tenderly.

“We could go and get one? And some decorations if you want?”

She mock-glared at him. “I cannot believe you stealth-guy. No tree and no pretty things to put on it. Really, it's certifiable.”

He laughed and teased, “I'm crazy not to have a dead thing with cardboard ornaments all over it?”

“You sound like Phoebe from Friends,” she giggled and he looked confused.

“Whose Phoebe?”

“I'm gonna get you to watch that,” she said decidedly. “It's essential.”

“I see,” he answered, smiling, watching her as she stood up and stretched, walking into the bedroom with a wink.

Soon they were outside in the snow, stumbling along to a market Angel knew about. He surmised that it was somewhere near his place and so they set out. A strange couple, tiny Buffy wrapped up in one of his sweaters, her pants, and boots and Angel, so tall, in his duster and black clothes.

He held her hand, helping her through the mounds of snow as they trudged through the neighbourhoods, seeing kids playing in the snow, uncaring that it was a gloomy, sun-less day.

“Sometimes I think the Powers that Be gave you this as a present,” she commented, and he gazed at her intently.

“Yeah, me too,” he admitted. “Or at least as a sorry for setting the big First Evil on me.”

“The least they could do,” she remarked and they happened upon the market. Covered in tents and housing a few tables full of Christmas stuff, it hadn't attracted too many people. But, as Angel went up to purchase the tree, Buffy saw that there were some beautiful things. She grabbed a basket and loaded up on cream, red and gold ornaments, filling one basket easily and going up to the front.

“Here you go, sir,” she saluted Angel and laughed. He smiled, and raised his eyebrows.

“Well thank you Ma'am,” he mock-saluted back and paid for the things, handing her the bags and lugging the tree behind him as they began the trek home.

“Christmas is wonderful,” Buffy exclaimed, skipping a little through the snow, careful not to drop the bags. However she wasn't as careful about keeping her balance and plunged headfirst into a snowdrift.

Angel choked back a laugh, dropping the tree as he ran over to help her up. Sopping wet, she glared at him. “Did I mention Christmas sucks?”

He gazed down at her with tenderness shining from his eyes and wiped snow from her face. “You just said it was wonderful.”

“That's before I met the snow bank,” she quipped and their eyes locked. “I must look horrible.”

“You look beautiful,” he murmured. “So perfect…”

Breathing in deeply, she watched as if in a trance, his head lower and then felt his mouth capture hers. His lips were cold, but his tongue was not, it swept into her mouth, hot and hungry, and she moaned with the exquisite sensation. Like liquid fire, desire burned through her belly and she whimpered, as he pulled her up so her legs wrapped around his waist. “Kiss me…” she moaned incoherently and he groaned in response, his mouth leaving hers to rub over her cold flesh, warm her shivering skin.

Snow began to fall thickly over the entwined couple, but they didn't even notice. So lost were they in their love, in their desire, in the flame that refused to die.

Picking up the bags and grabbing the tree with one hand, Angel lifted Buffy into his arms and ran back to the apartment. Silence reigned on the street, broken only by the echo of her laughter mixing sweetly with his.

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