| Chapter 4: To everyone else, the tour seemed to be going just fine. Except for me. I felt something wasn't right. Madison was the only other one that could see there was going to be a problem. Vegas couldn't keep her comments to herself and they really started to hurt inside. I wanted to stay strong so that no one else would worry. "Raygn, what's wrong?" AJ asked. "Don't bother, I don't want to unload my problems on you." I said to him, looking up, my eyes red and puffy, he could tell I had been crying. "Please unload your problems. It's not good to keep them all inside." AJ said sitting down next to me. "It's really nothing. You know, just the fast life catching up to me." I said not revealing anything. "It's more than that. I know it." AJ continued to try to get me to talk. "Here it goes." I sighed and then continued with, "every single night we get up on a stage and perform our hearts out, the arenas are filled with thousands of screaming girls, not one time do I hear, 'Gee, she dances good' or something along those lines. I don't see how Faye and the others can do it. I've only been here for a month and already I'm worn out. I think I'm gonna quit early. As soon as we get to Seatlle I'm outta here." I ended flopping onto my pillow. "I had no idea." AJ sat me up giving me a hug. "I didn't want.... I didn't want anyone to worry, cause I'm just here for the ride and it doesn't matter anyway cause I'm not even a real dancer. I'm just a DJ from Chicago. Not even a dancer." I cried uncoherantly. "But don't you see, you are a dancer. There are fans of the dancers out there." AJ said still huging me. "No, I'm not a dancer. I'm the best friend of a chereographer, just seconds not the main course." I was still crying inside but not as much outside. I stood up and stormed away to the front of the bus, which had just stopped in front of the hotel that we were staying at. Hesitantly I stepped off the bus, there was the usual crowd, that had waited in the nasty weather for hours hoping for just one glimpse of one of the Boys. I figured I'd get off the bus first while AJ grabbed his suitcase. I put on my sunglasses so my red eyes wouldn't show. The first thing I heard when I stepped off the bus, "Oh my God look! It's Raygn!" I thought I was just hearing things so I kept walking. A couple of camaras flashed, "AJ got off the bus." I thought to myself. "Raygn, commere can I have your autograph?" I turned to see an average looking girl standing to my left with her arms out and tears running down her face, I slowly walked over to the guard rail that held her back. Taking a deep breathe, I lifted my sunglasses and saw that she was wearing a hat, I took the book she held in her small hands and asked her what her name was. "Felicia." she whispered still crying. I signed her book saying, 'Thank you Felicia, it is people like you and a few others who make this worth while. Love, Raygn Mitchell' I handed the book back to the girl. "You're awesome." Felicia said to me. I smiled, something seemed unusual about Felicia, then I realized what it was, she had a cancer bracelet on her arm. Meaning of course that this little girl had cancer. I felt sorry for her in a weird way. Not exactly sorry but in a way happy that I, Raygn, could give a little girl so much happiness. She had already done so much for me, I wanted to do something for her, but what? Then I realized, I took the hat off of her head, kissed the beautiful baldness that lay beneath and then switched her hats. "This one makes you look prettier." I said putting my hat on her. "Thank you Raygn." She said crying again, "No, don't thank me, I want to thank you." I said smiling again and then walking away. Perhaps AJ was right, it was worth while. The pain, the struggle, I see now that it is worth while and that the dancers do have fans. Beautiful ones who actually care. |