Or I could just turn him into a big pile of coleslaw. ~ Will Henson Your pants are doing something very bizzare, Wes. ~ Anonymous Gil is wearing ambiguous pants. ~ Various Yes, because I'm not a wet cat. ~ Dave Kraemer Here, smell the arm on my hair. ~ Matthew Highcove Ah! No! The way you licked that was way too seductive. *wipes his hand* ~ Michael Stettes Jesus smells like Old Bay. ~ Matthew Highcove He's talking about his balls of fluff...I didn't just say that, did I? ~ Brendan Fitzimmons I'd get you there if I had another thing to put there. ~ Zach Hollenbaugh So why would that dicourage me from licking it? ~ Matthew Highcove Nah, I don't think there are any genies in my knee. ~ Matt Lorsong Were you there for the donkey? ~ Kerri Burchette I came over and he was talking about squeezing his monster. ~ Brian Schott If by "writing a function", you mean "making blueberry muffins", then yes. ~ William Yi Actually, I'm a little low on Clooney. ~ Michael Stettes I'm honored to be your favorite condiment. ~ Tommy Graham No, no, don't drink me! ~ Rich Linsao The tire pump in Mike's car is getting it on like a mad tire pump. ~ Peter Brice It's nothing too difficult. It's just finding differential equations for position from velocity and acceleration. ~ Matthew Highcove I have to keep winning to gain his respect. And because I like trophies. ~ Greg Eichelman Golden delicious, here I come! ~ William Yi You want some Granny Smith? ~ William Yi Get out of Art so I can lick you. ~ Matthew Highcove Here, lick me and find out. ~ Dang near everybody I can't give birth to me. ~ Wes Cianchette We've conclusively proven that Michael Stettes does not drink women. ~ Matthew Highcove I'm not made of paper. ~ Ben Salah I'd pee my pants if I had to climb down Satan. ~ Matt Lorsong I'll make me a cow and lick it as well. Lick it as well! ~ Michael Stettes Because I stole your anvils and used them for my own. ~ Aaron Shindledecker Every post is about him. Or other people. ~ Brendan Fitzsimmons She's my portable rapist. ~ Michael Stettes I like being fancy. It makes my paper happier. ~ Louis Blisetti When has your hand been in my mouth? ~ Matt Lorsong Can you show people your marbles? ~ Brendan Fitsimmons Why is there a shirtless Peter in your guitar case? ~ Michael Stettes Apparently, my chest is scratch-and-sniff. ~ Matthew Highcove I call everybody I care about "cheeseball." ~ Michael Stettes Did you just call it "the homosexual flavor?" ~ Zach Hollenbaugh I want to molest houses. ~ Sean O'Brien I'll plug you in. ~ Issac Thorn Don't look at me in that tone of voice. ~ Doug Goldsmith Now that bee wants a piece of crazy Elder action. ~ Adam Highcove Mm. Tastes like cheek. ~ Robin Wietscher Apologize to the applesauce. ~ Matt Simantel I need a really big hat. Then I can get quarters. ~ Matthew Highcove I was going to the bathroom. I guess I forgot to tuck it back in. ~ Derrick Wolfe You're poking me with something other than your finger. ~ Eileen Magan I've got that in my pants too. ~ Zach Hollenbaugh I'm just the master jiggler. ~ Zach Hollenbaugh Stettes, you can't deny the fact that you're jiggling. ~ Matthew Highcove I love rubbing up gay men, ~ Eileen Magan Come out on the floor. I just had fun there. ~ Mike Zemeral I guess it doesn't smell like tomato anymore. ~ Eileen Magan For a second, I was going to the prom with Ryan Meskill. ~ Michael Stettes She just called me pookums. I'm going to stone her. ~ Matthew Highcove Do you have my French cab driver? ~ Mike Goldsmith Stop playing tetherball with his desiccated corpse! ~ Trey Evans I am not a Lincoln Log. ~ Rachel Mitchem I'm Zach Hollenbaugh, and I have a Siberian fetish. ~ Zach Hollenbaugh I'm Michael Stettes, and I have a nose fetish. ~ Michael Stettes I'm Eileen Magan, and I have a potato fetish. ~ Eileen Magan I'm Matt Simantel, and I have a fetal pig fetish. ~ Matt Simantel Your mother knows all the top lesbian colleges. ~ Michael Stettes Oh, good, I didn't put my pants in the electrical socket. ~ Trey Evans I'm your opaque object for today. ~ Matthew Highcove Perfect sex has nothing to do with fencing. ~ Katie Little That sword just had sex with me. ~ Robin Wietscher Unlike other Eastern seaports, Baltimore was not founded by a one-legged cripple. ~ Zach Hollenbaugh I'm naked in Bethesda Fountain right after this; I can't be strapped to Wes. ~ Matthew Highcove Sorry, Ike, you're a big queer tree. ~ Matthew Highcove I have an addiction to large sports equipment. ~ Michael Duklewski The poop on my shoe is not hypothetical! ~ Trey Evans I thought we were supposed to be scattered. This is clumpage. ~ Jon Stevens Dude, we are so going to Panera. I want to see that kid fall. ~ Alan Magan Ike, you're my human Tastykake. ~ Brian Sykes I can fit him in my belly button. ~ Greg Eichelman I've repeatedly had sex with Sean. ~ Zach Hollenbaugh Zach, I suggest that you stop producing projectiles from Sean's pants ~ Matthew Highcove That's small there and you got a good grip. ~ Shamar Frisby You can't solve me with mints. ~ Matthew Highcove If you be greasy, you get love. ~ Michael Stettes There's been a gang salting. ~ Trey Evans Did you just ask me how your honker is? ~ Michael Stettes What am I doing wrong other than being a huge loser!? ~ Adam Highcove They are not practicing the dark arts...they're probably just having sex. ~ Eileen Magan This is the same kind in 7th grade who wouldnt watch a porn movie because it didnt have a plot. ~ Greg Eichelman Your breath smells like bologna today. ~ David Hetzel I want my ashes spread on a pepper farm. ~ Patrick Highland She thought chocolate was a fruit, and Yugoslavia was in France. ~ Zach Schmalzer She doesn't want to go to Japan because she doesnt like Chinese food. ~ Zach Schmalzer Look at me, I am a gay and big smelly oaf. ~ Ryan Meskill Are you denying that Matt Damon is hot? ~ Liam Toohey I can't go to school, my ovaries hurt. ~ Matt Santoni You can't get sex from herpes. ~ Dave Kraemer Look at the geese and their ducklings. ~ Chris Bobes My lighter has love juice. ~ Meghan Brooks Oh no, they'll see we were burning ducks. ~ James Gillece Put your shoes on, put your jacket on, and stop acting like a woman! ~ Sean Elavia Did you just call Matt a pregnant penguin? ~ Michael Stettes That's why it's in America. Because it is. ~ J. B. Bertumen God bless hot friends who live far away. ~ Ryan Meskill Mr. O'Brien, stop touching the Tenor Twos all the time. Save your puppy play for after class. ~ Anonymous You're a butter cookie! ~ Matthew Highcove Well, that wasn't worth blowing up. ~ Matt Walters Matt Highcove - the breakfast of champions. ~ J. B. Bertumen I got a me box! ~ Matthew Highcove I'm not touching you. I'm touching something on you. ~ Tommy Graham The leather hurts a little bit more. ~ Pete Galiatsatos We'll pillage in shifts. ~ Matthew Highcove I'm a big stupid hairy man. ~ William Yi Oh man, I am so on fire. ~ Jesse Dilaura *laughs* My burning body ~ William Yi That'll teach you to scoot. ~ Jesse Dilaura Why do you know the French for "without pants"? ~ Matthew Highcove Did you know I dream in HTML? When I sleep, that is. ~ Kate Scott Some days, it doesn't pay to be round and hairless. ~ Ian Kotmair I'll poison your shower so the water'll make you wetter! Err! ~ Adam Highcove I'm a big stupid hairy man. ~ William Yi The chair is completely befuddled. ~ Brother Michael Tidd Don't chew on my sport coat. ~ Brian Schott Well, nothing like eating a little corporal. ~ Brendan Fitzsimmons Dude, this is so much better than flaming pianos. ~ Matthew Highcove Come, touch my Fitz. ~ Dave Kraemer Stop biting my button. ~ Trey Evans Good to see ya; nice banana. ~ Adam Baker Hey, I've got shoulder. ~ Greg Eichelman Don't write on my head. ~ Trey Evans Monday we're off, that's good, and Tuesday the dead rise from the grave. ~ Guy from C.H.C. T.V. Kraemer, I really like your piece. I wish I was doing it. ~ Michael Stettes Facist chicks are hot. ~ Matthew Highcove Hey, hook me up with some pickle. ~ Michael Stettes I'm hot for Robin and my sweater is in a knot. ~ Mike Zemarel We have conclusively proven that Matt Perry is a pancake. ~ Brendan Fitzsimmons ...I'm asking the world to rape me. ~ Eileen Magan He said I was the most erotic man he'd ever known...or was it neurotic? ~ Greg Eichelman You're so fun to do. ~ Greg Eichelman I can't stand Nixon. He was a guy with a big nose. ~ Matthew Walters Hey, there's not a real woman in that cat! ~ Michael Stettes Explain how light reflects off of cows at the bottom of the pool. ~ Trey Evans As far as I know, I don't know. ~ Wes Cianchette I can drive my pants to school. ~ Wes Cianchette I want to know how I occur naturally. ~ Greg Echelman He looks like a scholarly velociraptor. ~ Colin Glynn You weren't supposed to catch it. I was just going to rub you. ~ Matthew Highcove My father is chocolate filling. ~ Michael Stettes Will you reach over here and grab my cup? ~ Zach Hollenbaugh I hope it's a woman, too. ~ Michael Stettes I ate a quarter for the team. ~ Desmond Toohey You can't wash a car with hot sex. It doesn't get all the dirt off. ~ Michael Stettes My pockets are on fire and John Ashcroft is on my radio. ~ Adam Highcove I was upside-down, so my words came out that way. ~ Brendan Fitzsimmons Your motion is pretty, like the fluid and deadly grace of the cockroach. ~ Brendan Fitzsimmons I don't have any Hell. ~ Shamar Frisby And that must be a blimp. Oh, wait, it's a neck. ~ Matthew Highcove I'm sure Stettes was tearing it up with the clothes stake. ~ Dave Kraemer I'll fit into your holster any day. ~ Zach Hollenbaugh Why is your shirt unbuckled? ~ Susan Therres You deserve to be beaten with chocolaty goodness. ~ Matthew Highcove He didn't try to castrate your monkey. ~ Sean O'Brien