What is an angel? When does it appear? What is its purpose?

When we were born we were born perfect. God never creates anything imperfect. So your are perfect. Life is just a journey which we travel along to experience things to hint at us from time to time that we are and have always been, perfect. We don't have to change ourselves, only acknowledge the perfection that was instilled in us from the beginning. Then from time to time express that perfection which was given to us so as others can share in the beauty that has been created within you.

Sitting on my white plastic chair in the corner of the balcony I can see one of the mountains created by the main volcano on Tenerife.

My mind is stuck in pause as it cannot take in all that is front of me. For the last 24 hours it has been in shock, first with the wonderful heat, second with the wonderful light, thirdly because of the view of the wild dark blue ocean crashing up against the volcanic coastline and lastly due to the amazing view of the mountain and its tropical landscape right before my eyes.

I have lost all sense of time which at first is frightening but I know it is only a reaction to an age old addiction where we feel lost without knowing what part of the day it is. It is because us humans have become accustomed to doing a selection of tasks at certain parts of the day and when we do not know what time it is, we do not know which list we are suppose to chose from and which task to perform. Initially this is affecting Louise more than me, maybe because I had a list of tasks to do before coming here and have chosen to act on those rather than the lists we attend do in our daily working lives.

One good thing about not knowing the exact time of day is the fact that you truly listen to your own body's needs. For example I went to bed not knowing what time it was. There was still light but my body told me it wanted to sleep and to sleep deeply. When I woke up it was dark. I didn't know what time it was but my body told me it wanted to sleep and sleep deeply again. When I woke up again I could sense it was day but I didn't know what time it was. Once again, my body said it wanted to sleep again but sleep a little less deeply. A little time later my body was awake and ready for the day or evening ahead. But I didn't know if it was early morning, late morning or even, early afternoon. The sun was warm and the balcony beckoned. Louise had already succumbed to its call, now it was my turn.

Once out in the centre of the balcony I found myself struggling with all that suddenly overwhelmed my senses. I said to Louise it was wonderful but, I was secretly battling to take it all in. My mind raced between drinking in all the bright iridescent light, all the different shades of vibrant tropical greens, all the smiling shades of purple roses that decked the street hedges and all the sharp contours of the volcanic mountain that filled our panorama bouquet of delights. It was maximum overload and I was afraid to admit it. I was not doing it justice it as each part begged and demanded my complete attention. Each one was created by God with its own perfection and each on wanted to express its perfection to me and my immature senses.

I ran, I ran from its calling and when inside the apartment I felt my body calling for nourishment. I didn't know if it was calling for breakfast or lunch, only that it called for nourishment.

In a semi awake state I picked out an orange from the fridge to bring to the balcony to peel but then thought it more special if I sliced it up into sections to put on one of our brown glass transparent plates and share this first meal of the day, with Louise.

Sitting down once again with Louise I knew my soul was slowly beginning to become aware of itself this morning and in between the giggles of delight at our lucky circumstances we both sucked on our slice of a fresh golden orange.

Before I bit into mine a voice came into my head and said ' Don't gobble me down, taste me!' That is what I did and the explosion of my senses told me I was finally beginning to get it. I was finally becoming in tune with the perfection around me. I was now in tune with the perfection instilled with something as simple as an orange. Slice after slice was an orgasmic explosion of taste and sweetness with the al dente deliciousness of the rind. This part had protected the inner beauty of the orange for so long and now this orange had choose Louise and I to consume it. I felt privileged.

The voice inside me said ' Now do the same with all that is around you. So instead of eating the light I savoured it, instead of eating the contours of the volcanic mountain outstretched in front of me I savoured each line and inclination. Instead of eating in one go all the flowers that shone below I savoured each one, savoured each petal. Instead of eating up all the light that reflected off the little swimming pool below I tasted every reflection of blue and white light. I even found a spiritual beauty in every contour of every person's body that came before my eyes.

So this is what I want to say, this is what I want to share with you.

When you find your mind racing away or when you find your senses overcome with stimulation then instead of trying to consume it all in order to safely get to the next moment in time of your existence then, stop everything, let your body go limp and repeat to yourself.

"Don't gobble it down, taste it!
Describe to yourself in detail all its flavours and textures"!

Don't just write it, Do it!

I don't know what to write about. All I know is I have to write. So let's write for nine minutes about what I remember or what I don't remember or what I pretend to remember!

Do we all just pretend to remember. It is such a long word remember. And spelling it can be difficult most times. I can't remember sometimes how to spell remember. I am confident when I start to write the word it begins with 'rem' but then the problems begin because the next inclination for my hand is to add on 'emem'. It just feels natural to do it and then before you look at it, even though you don't want to, you find you have already added 'ber' to the end of 'memem' giving you 'rememember'.

Of course it must right. It is not a complicated word to spell. Really it isn't? There are more difficult words like 'ornithologist', 'onomatopoeia' and 'snuffleupaguess'. But then you find yourself sneaking a look back at how you spelt it when really what you want to do is continue writing the great piece of art your are destined to create that day.

Then you see it in its entirety, plainly visible for all readers to see. You think of the average reader who might spot what is turning out to be a slight incongruity in the text. They will see the word 'rememember'. Looks good if you read it fast, doesn't? Then you look at it again and something seems slightly odd about it. Are there too many m's or too many e's or am I secretly a little dyslexic and imagining it all. Spell that word again. Dyslectic. No, Dyslesix. Oh I don't know! Come out computer dictionary wherever you are and fix my spelling mistakes. Come out, come out, come out wherever you are!

But I wanted to write for nine minutes. But now sixteen minutes have passed. I forgot to keep to my deadline in all the hullabaloo created by that word of words, that guide of guides, that instruction of instructions to each and evey aspiring penman, that word called, 'remember!'

So this is what I want to say, this is what I want to share with you.

'Don't just write it, do it! Write, stop, pause and then start again. This time write as if you're dancing cheek to cheek with it!'

Give your suffering a meaning

If one is to bear continuous suffering it is better to find real meaning to it rather than a nihilistic resignation.

Up to now the latter is what I have assigned to the fire that has raged all over my body periodically all through my life in the form of Eczema. I thought it was a random act of God, that I was just unlucky that my parents passed it on to me. I thought it was unfortunate that I had to find a way to deal with its torment and inhabitability on my own. And how have I done this up to now? By physically removing myself from the environments that encouraged it and mentally by hypnotic suggestion.

I moved to the warm climate of Guadalajara in Mexico to allow my skin to breath and be normal. I played tennis in the sunshine and walked to the cinema in my shorts. I had forgot that this was one of the main benefits of staying three years there. But since I have come back to Brighton this ailment had returned and I have applied various pharmaceutical creams weakly recommended by my GP, those that are steroid free and those that are not. I have applied the essence of primrose oil all over and when that was deemed a failure I then massaged in eucalyptus oil. I have applied two different courses of Chinese herbal medicine on two different occasions with the same results, mild diarrhoea. I have applied Eurax cream, a quick itch relief cream, E45 itch relief cream, Dyprosic cream, E45 emulsifying ointment and a number of other creams and ointments. I have taken anti hay fever tablets and John Worts herbal tablets. I have taken zinc tablets as well as iron tablets. I have even gone to Madrid Spain to provide a temporary environmental change.

But what I really want to say is, I never gave a value to all my suffering. I never gave it any true meaning. For example, I could have thought it has meaning because if it wasn't me who had to suffer so it might have been another boy whom my mother would have conceived or another girl. So by me bearing with dignity for the rest of my life this suffering then, not only am I worthy of it but I also have saved another from going through with it, someone whom might have had less ability to cope with it.

There are three ways to give meaning to life. One is through a piece of work. Another is through experiencing something important or loving another person completely. Finally one can attain meaning through dignified suffering.

A piece of work for me could be to work as a volunteer for the eczema society or visiting eczema patients all over the world offering them a place in the sun as a respite from their environmental affliction.

What experience could give meaning to my suffering skin? I could frequently mediate on it and make it a spiritual journey of enlightenment to write about.

Whom could I love to attain meaning. I could love myself completely without reserve and especially, because of my raging skin, devoting all my energy to loving me and giving all that my mind and body can give for the rest of my life to me and especially me. Love myself unconditionally and responsibly.

Or I could love unconditionally someone else with a raging skin like mine for the rest of my life making their life enriched and fuller beyond their own ability.

Finally I could attain meaning by bearing my suffering with dignity for the rest of my life and, by doing so, give each day meaning. I would also promise to be responsible firstly by having a vasectomy while at the same time storing some frozen sperm away for a day in the future when I am 90% sure my children would not have to suffer unnecessarily like I have physically throughout my life.

So which of these roads do I choose to give meaning to my suffering. To which of these roads will I be happily answerable to for the rest of this life span.

I think I know. Do you know what I am thinking? Yes, I will become completely devoted and responsible to the creation of homes in the sun that offers a respite for financially challenged children and adults who suffer the same daily torment, giving them a friendly place to have a rest or think about what meaning they would wish to impart on their own future existence. This will be my lifetime task.

That is why I have learnt Spanish. This is why I have learned to create wealth from the stock market. This is why I have travelled the world knowing people of the world. This is why one of my things I believe in is 'Every person has a little magic in them'. This is why my brother has tremendous construction skills. This is why I will set up a call centre to place children from all over the world in these places and seek funds that will make it sustainable. This is why my knowledge of successful businesses will make it a profitable organisation as well. This why I learned to teach a foreign language. This is why I learned how a Kibbutz life can work to the financial benefit of a community. This is why I had to experience Kazakhstan. This is why I learned to enjoy tennis, nine ball pool, chess and salsa dancing. This is why one centre will be in Guadalajara, another in Venezuela, another in Tulum, another in Maruata, another in Gomera, another in Formentera, another in Taurmina, another in La Manga.

This is why I exist, why I am.

Now it begins for me.

But what about you.

What will you devout your existence to in order to give your suffering maximum meaning?

Hang on to beauty for years and years!

If you find beauty daily in something or someone then, hang on to it for years!

If someone with whom you have a pact asks you a personal question, answer it 100% with complete honesty. If you have a negative or embarrassing thought relating to you and your partner that repeats itself in your head on separation occasions then volunteer it to your partner. If you do then follow it up straight away by emphasising something 3 times more beautiful or special that you are feeling about that person that is 100% true like you would try to reassure an inoffensive stranger.

Be happy to feel that if they decide to leave tomorrow you would still feel and want to say ' I am glad I actually knew them and was part of their life. '

'So again, if you find beauty daily in something or someone then, hang on to it/them for years if you can!'

Don't Move, Be static!

This is where you stop doing what you normally do as been the normal thing for you to do. Keep this up until achieving a shift of perception of what you are, what the world is and what you want to achieve in it.

It can be something and it can be nothing. Remember you are a bundle energy that is more fluid than you perceive and more able to react, interact and change form than you might ever have believed before.

How can I prove this to you. When smoking weed you perceive the world as you would not normally perceive it and so in such a new state perceive opportunity and insight where you would not normally have perceived it before.

Other examples are to often seen in the Zen philosophy practiced by millions in the east over many thousands of years. It incorporates this exercise of 'doing nothing' as its main strategy all matters of spiritual happiness. Bend and you will become straight, Don't love and you will be loved, Be poor and you will be rich.

But if you 'do nothing' do it with all thee energy you possess and do it till you have done, 'absolutely nothing'.

And in doing so you have learnt that next but important truth and are even closer to finding your way 'Om'

'If you really want to do something specific, do nothing instead!'

Superimpose daily your dream onto reality.

Perceive your current reality and then superimpose another onto it!

This will allow you to change your world at will around you to be the way you want your future to be.

For example. I am sitting in my hotel room in Tenerife. I look out through the glass sliding doors of the veranda. The view is beautiful like when any part of your real life can be sometimes beautiful. But that doesn't matter. The view could still be an awful one and be just of a wall belonging to the back of another building. Remember, your life is how you perceive it to be.

Up to this moment I was not aware I was lookin out through glass. But now in the reflection of this window I can see the kitchen door which is normally out of my visual range, opening behind me around the corner along the kitchen. Now as I am seeing the lovely mountain in front of me I am also seeing, superimposed upon it, a beautiful blue sea and blue sky above it which contains light fluffy clouds. This new view is becoming my new reality.

I know it is a reflection of another reality. All I have to do now is get up, turn around and walk out through that kitchen door into that new reality created by my vision.

So, learning from this how can we all change our life in the near future?

1]What ever your reality as you perceive it to be at the present moment, chose the image of a reality you truly want to happen!

2]Then using mirrors of your mind reflect this perception and superimpose it over your current perception of your life.

3] Once the image is fixed and this doorway has been realised in your new superimposed perception then from now on invest all that you are in going towards this doorway of the mind and walk right through into your new and even better life.

'Perceive your current reality and then superimpose another better one on top of it!'

The meaning of Life

Try this! When you go to bed, as you go to sleep, think of the next task in one of your life's projects on the backgammon board of businesses or evolution, and ask yourself the crucial question, 'What might help me achieve it?' Meditate on this question. You don't have to end up with the answer, just allow yourself to meditate on it as you fall slowly off to sleep.

After all my travels, all me trials and tribulations in life the same question comes up time and time again to me. What does it all mean?

I sit here pondering this conundrum one more time as I wait for my cafe late with its golden creamy top which is now being prepared by Carlos a new Columbian international traveller. My eyes fall beyond the counter onto the cafe's own coffee bean roasting and grinding machine which looks like an old locomotive steam engine painted all over in crimson red.

It holds in its silver and red basin hundreds of thousands of coffee beans all been stirred ever so slowly by an invisible arm underneath. The arm revolves in a clockwise direction but the thousand of beans seem to be just moving up and down like a wave that rises and falls. As I watch one wave that reaches its peak I see those beans that made it to the top trying to hold on as they begin to shake and tremble more and more. I realise that they don't even know that they can't stay there anymore. The top is the place to be for every aspiring golden brown roasted coffee bean. But as sure as every bean will get its chance to be on top of the mound, even more sure is the fact they will be replaced by another bean as soon it begins its forced descent back down.

In all this time does any bean know that it is a continuous unseen force that moves the bean to success as well as failure? Will they ever they know that they are even less responsible for their intermittent monumental achievements than they have always given themselves credit for?

After all their highs and lows each one will most certainly end up in the grinder below making way for that next silver lined bag of Red Roaster coffee beans I now see in Carlos's hand.

'It is a continuous unseen sweeping force that moves a 'bean' up to the height of success as well as down to the pits of failure!'

Fulfil your partner's dream

What I wanted to say is I have completely forgotten what I was going to write having being lured into the Microsoft works tasks program.

What slippery snippets that remain of all the great thoughts I had going around in my head are about to follow on this early dark December morning as I lay in my empty double bed.

In a relationship with a partner one should have a goal whereby, should the partnership end, then the other partner should be stronger then when you first met them. In fact they should be stronger in three particular areas of their life where they weren't before and could not have been without your tuition and investment of time and energy.

For example: when it has ended you will have taught them a new language, taught them a new way to make money, taught them how to understand the opposite sex, taught them a great eastern philosophy that is complimentary to their nature or taught them how to achieve a particular dream they have.

There is no greater wealth than life Ruskin said and what I interpret this to mean for a couple in my middle of the road mediocre middle of the road existence is that, 'you should try and achieve wealth by improving the well being and knowledge within each other in a close intimate relationship'.

That is why I want to probably ask Ileana 'Whilst in our relationship what is your goal or goals for me that you think I would like to achieve.'

For her I know my goals are to make her good speaker of English and to teach her how to play the stock market. Why? Because I know that is what she wants.

I would like to ask Louise my friend on holiday what goals she has for her partner Steve whilst in their relationship. I know one is to help him stop smoking. The important thing in this philosophy for couples is 'he has to want it too'.

I know Steve believes in my philosophy because he designed her web site from nothing allowing her photo career to have a great footing in her future business as a photographer and he is also is teaching her to grow spiritually which she wants.

I guess you have to ask your partner honestly every year what they hope and dream for and then you decide which of those things you can especially devout lots of your time and energy to. As long as there are three new things every year that you find for each other, then you will be fine and your garden will grow.

Good luck to all you couples out there in the world who dare to make a pact to try to do the above. Do it respectfully diligently, dutifully and with lots of courage in both your hearts.

So to recap:

Should an intimate relationship end, then be confident that your partner will feel, as a result of your utmost efforts, equipped for life even better than when you first met them!'

Be true to yourself

`We daydream more about the girlfriends who limit us or have limited us than those that have made us feel free!

Be true to yourself, don't pretend to make life easier for another person. After all we are here for only a short time so why waste it doing this.

If you manage to finally get to the beach don't forget to savour an ice cream as you look out to sea at the horizon that lays ahead of you.

The real reason I came to this world was to leave it! And leave it only when I know I have done enough to leave it a better place for others to come after me!

Being a gypsy is a metaphor for that part of our souls that continually wants to defy the gravity of our daily existence.

Only be engaging our passions can we be truly original.

We are attracted only to those that we are secretly jealous of!

Embrace the good, Ignore the negative!

Just as a fly falls on your nose when you are dreaming and disturbs your dream so too when you are trying to live your daily life something small from your unconscious surreptiously niggles away to affect your mood and experiences.

We shouldn't take it too seriously just as we wouldn't take a fly too seriously. It is just natural leakage cross over into another sphere of conscious dominance.

Maybe that is why having a child to look after is not only a frequent form of entertainment to a mature adult but also is a nice alternative to the constant self examination of being a childless adult. Too much introspection is indulgence. Self evolution could be said to be overrated. and in the end ultimately just another form of entertainment for the modern childless adult!

How can I break the circle of Low Self Esteem

Become aware of your anxious negative predictions and challenge them by direct experience and dropping all necessary precaution.

At the same time focus on your strengths, assets, skills and qualities while treating yourself to what you think are the good things in life.

Use all these changes to the previous rules that you use to use to protect your world. Yes change these old rules that made you vunerable to the viscous circle of Low Self Esteem. Yes, confront the bottom line, the basic negative opinion of yourself and the world, that has prevented yourself from appreciating yourself and from enjoying your life to full.

Finally, in case you haven't enough, some weird yet questionable truisms.

· Cruelty is often some extreme form of compliment consisting of the confidence that the actual cruelty can be absorbed.
· Aspiration is self elevating.
· The real challenge is often disguised as a mirage.
· To want freedom only for others is maybe as careless as to want it only for oneself.
· We sit in adjoining cages where the bars are drawn in chalk.
· All of a sudden one can find oneself prejudice against prejudice.
· Each shock we experience from someoneturns into another symbolic withdrawal of support for that person.
· Falling induces fear in children.
· Pady-orgen-the-man=One who never unintentionally offends another.
· To think that I am not going to think of you any more is still thinking of you! Let me try then not to think that I am going to think of you no more.
· Always choose a person full of love for living, rather than one full of the pains of living.
· The worst I ever had was great and the best I ever had wasn't bad either!
· A day is not complete until, You slip down to the sea, And dip your feet!
· Vamos a Perder algunas batallas pero, ganaremos la guerra!
· Whatever we have, we always will want more of. Wherever we go, we will always want to go somewhere else.
· Accustoming yourself to complete fasting once a month for a day will aid self restraint in stock trading, dieting, drinking or whatever.
· A person can only truly be a complete person when he is sharing himself out among his people.
· If you are treated well you will be loyal, but if you are treated like shit you will be even more loyal.