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sensing seeing
watching waiting
needing to do something
that will make me whole
knowing that the pieces are ready
to fall out of their places
a wild dominoe game
where everything is being thrown out of whack
running to find a way to stop
what i know will happen anyway
disintegrating thoughts on my fizzling head
too hot...too cold...
creeping emotions around the figment of a personality
working for so long to build it
having it ripped from you
just when you were learning to use it
does that seem backward?
i tiptoe around the subject...
i can't deal with this
i've never had to deal with it before...
why should i now?
how do i know which way to go...
stumbling through half formed
thoughts that scurry away from
my outreached hands
i picture myself then...on my knees
hands lifted above my floor
littered with black remnants of ash
that fall from the darkest sky above...
stretching for the light
that has hidden itself
waiting for me to figure out the puzzle
waiting for me to know...
how to deal with it...
plod on keep moving...don't think about it
disintegrating fading fizzling to death
i sense i see
and i watch with a lump in my throat
as life makes its way to the grave
kicking and screaming the whole way
12-18-99
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