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swirling thoughts
sugar sweet vile
hectic frantic wanting peace
cool little voice telling lies
all things wrong
many pieces of the pie
too much too precious
giving up the control
not having any to give anyway
rumbles of distant somethings
swirling echoes of thought
blackness on the brain
walking blindly not feeling the end near
high piercing notes sung deep into me
feeling the snow falling on my soul
is it cold am i numb
preciousness bleeding from me
the hold on me gripping tight
i need to breathe do i need to
the mental images fly by
boys playing fighting despair
creation thoughts float away
they never get to me
i remember this
this used to be a blast
when did it get so hard
heavyness settles on this moment
this is my heart my heat
crazy and insane
going too fast not recognizing anything...
my precious things
where are they now
breaking the grip breathing
what is this...life
proving its worth by trial
going on...and on...being held
wrapped in lead lovely heavy lead
warmth...needed electricity
power batling against itself
not getting any not giving any
swirling thoughts...caused by nothing
ending in nothing
a revolving door that never stops
peeling layer by layer
deeper into my true self
will i ever get to see the real me?
walking blindly trying to feel my way
while i swirl deeper under water
down down down... ...
9-27-99
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