Tuesday, May 28, 2002

 
God damn it...
I have these author card thingies that were due today, we got the assignment back in january. I said "Hey... i'll do them all on memorial day"
My planned procrastination failed.
Oh well, I got my ACT scores back.
English:26
Mathematics: 26
Reading: 31
Science Reasoning: 25
Composite: 27
Overall, I am in the 90th percentile thing
But what is really bitchen cool is that on the arts and literature part I scored 18 so that means I'm as smart as or smarter than 99 percent of you punkass kids...
And then my GPA... 2.44
bastard GPA trying to put me down.
posted by Tyler 10:10 PM

Monday, May 27, 2002

 
I ring matt's doorbell and am greeted by matt... but he is tan and has a goatee... he also has a parisian whore on each arm.
"Matt?"
"Yes, this is Matt", says matt in a thick latin american accent.
I'm trying to figure out how matt could change so much during a weekend when normal Matt pushes his way to the door.
"Hi Tyler, this is my evil twin brother, Consuelo Matt. We were reunited on Saturday, I should've called you but.."
"It's cool"
"So... come in, I'm watching Jackie Chan Adventures"
I sit down in matt's living room while Consuelo Matt is going at it with two Brazillian models on the couch next to me.
"Uh matt?"
"Just ignore it... you get used to it after awhile"
"Okay.. i'll try"
"Here... i'll tell him to leave." he turns to the couch "Hey Matt... go upstairs"
Consuelo Matt, cursing under his breath, goes upstairs, and two more women joined him.
"So... what's his story?"
"Well... he's evil, mexican, and has a goatee... not sure how that happened but we were seperated at birth by a jealous nurse"
"At least you are back together" I reply in an unsure tone.
"I think we'll learn to get along"
"Matt! Behind you!"
Consuelo matt is at the bottom of the stairs pointing a gun at normal matt. "Véalo con dios" muttered Consuelo Matt as he pulls the hammer back on his gun.
*bang*
A shower of blood covers normal matt as consuelo matt falls to the floor. Behind him stands matt's dog holding the rifle that normally hangs over the fireplace.
then crazy music plays and we dance like on Laugh-In.
posted by Tyler 6:45 PM

Sunday, May 26, 2002

 
I went camping with chris. Just one night because it might rain today, I only paid for a one night backcountry permit anyways. Since we were a "moderate to difficult" (as the map says) 2 mile hike from the parking lot, there was only one other camp within a quarter mile of ours, that was pretty bitchin cool. The only time we saw other people was on our hike down and when we were climbing rocks and saw the other camp. Would have been easier had we more people so the gear could be divided more.
Matt didn't come because he was "grounded" all week... yet he still was able to go out after school.
Bob had plans for this weekend, understandable... although Bob would come with us if he could.. bob's cool like that.
And bryan... who always says "It's not camping without a fire" when we have a fire ban refused to come with us. why? We wouldn't have a cooler, I told him if he could hump a cooler for two miles, he could have a cooler. Not an option he said "i'm going to want cold drinks and real food" I guess it's not camping without his camper trailer and cooler full of perishable goods either.*cough*pussy*cough
posted by Tyler 1:55 PM

Friday, May 24, 2002

 
I saw "Enough" tonight... you know, basically taking Sleeping with the enemy and replacing julia roberts with that delightful Jennifer Lopez.
Basically what happens is that Jennifer Lopez is a loving mother who finds out her husband is having an affair. She confronts him, he turns evil and she grabs the kid and runs away to her ex-boyfriend's house. Husband comes after her and Jennifer Lopez decides that there are only two ways out of her situation, divorce, or killing her psycho husband. I forgot which one she uses.
But am I the only one who finds Jennifer Lopez much more attractive with short hair? Short... but femminine.
posted by Tyler 11:30 PM

Thursday, May 23, 2002

 
A select group of people, including myself, have replaced Freeballing Fridays with Commando Thursdays. We're just that cool.
posted by Tyler 8:11 PM

Wednesday, May 22, 2002

 
Celebrity Boxing is pretty lame... I have a better idea for the show... It should be called "Get your ass kicked by Mr. T"
posted by Tyler 10:13 PM

Monday, May 20, 2002

 
I think porno would be a lot more fun if it were like batman.
POW! BANG! CRASH! OOOOF! THWAAAK! ZAP!
Then again, masturbation would be a lot more fun too...
posted by Tyler 9:23 PM

Sunday, May 19, 2002

 
I think it would be funny to watch a clown commit suicide with a giant clown revolver. One of the kinds where instead of shooting a bullet, a flag that says "bang" pops out and impales him.
posted by Tyler 7:57 PM

Friday, May 17, 2002

 
Well.. blogger didn't post yesterdays entry.. bastard
My teacher told me she would cancel the meeting if I gave her a good reason to. Well, I broke into her desk and took my story. "Where's your story?" "What story? I didn't write a story"
she cancelled.
posted by Tyler 7:24 PM

Thursday, May 16, 2002

 
In US Lit we had to write short stories. I wrote a porno, and even though my peers found it grammatically correct, my teacher says "i'ts innappropriate" "You never said 'don't write porn' on your class expectations... how was i supposed to know that?" "Common sense" "Common sense also says it's not right to kill people, but we still have written laws against it" Tomorrow my parents get to read it... that bitch. Oh well, they'll get over it.

posted by Tyler 8:18 PM

Wednesday, May 15, 2002

 
My US Lit teacher had a problem with the phrase "that takes balls" because it has something to do with how our language is too male oriented. She recommends we use the phrase "That takes big vagina". Apparently I took it too far with replacing small penis jokes with small vagina jokes and coining the phrase "He has a vagina of brass" because i'm not allowed to talk anymore. She can't silence me, she doesn't have the vagina...
posted by Tyler 9:17 PM

Tuesday, May 14, 2002

 
I was driving to matts house on a two lane street when some bitch, without signaling, decided to make a left turn. I decided I was too cool for that shit and I carefully maneuvered my car to go around. I was making my way through and she decides she wants to go straight right when I pull in front of her. She floors it into my rear bumper, honks her horn and yells "Stupid bitch!" Just for that, she got a fireworkin. A strip of 40 black cats on the hood made her hit a curb and go onto the sidewalk.
Who's the stupid bitch now?
posted by Tyler 10:19 PM

Monday, May 13, 2002

 
And time for a rambling...
I am tired of that beer commercial when the guy takes a card of the rack and buys it for his girlfriend without even reading it. Saturday I was getting a mothersday card for my mommy and there were about 13 or 14 other guys there beating themselves to death trying to find a fucking card. It took most of us half an hour to find one that worked. I got one that said something along the lines of "Stop yelling at me mom you bitch. I hate you". Actually that's not what it said in the least. It said all this stuff about how I appreciate her motherly goodness.
hehe... that sounded dirty.
posted by Tyler 12:10 AM

 
I was getting some ice cream and while in line I saw one of my former teachers. She's one of the teachers I actually got along with as in they never called my parents to say "Tyler is a sadistic little bastard" on thanksgiving like my German teacher did last year. She had nothing to be thankful for so she decided "Hey, I can ruin Tyler's holiday to compensate for my paralyzing lonliness.
ahem...
Normally I would say "Hi Ms. *teacher name*" but she was with a man. Could have been a friend, or could have been a boyfriend. I'd put money on the latter.
With normal people I could say hi even if they were on a date and then let them go on their way... but teachers aren't normal people. They are like parents who get 17 hours a day to think of ways to make your life hell. Parents just have to think stuff up on the spot.
Back on topic, what do you say to a teacher who might be on a date? Last time I had this experience was in 9th grade. I was seeing a movie with some friends and our student teacher Mr. Nurgent and his girlfriend were sitting in front of us. We just chanted "Nurgent" until they moved.
So I was thinking of chanting "Deutscher" but I was alone... that would just be too creepy for words.
I decided "I'll just stay in her blindspot so she never sees me" but then she turned and saw me... what did I do? I quickly dropped my keys to break eye contact. Genius...
Not really.
posted by Tyler 12:02 AM

Friday, May 10, 2002

 
I, like Ghandi, use non violent resistance and civil disobedience rather than burning down churches to get my point across. I am leading several boycotts... you should join me.
Wendy's: They REFUSED to fill a biggie cup with frosty, even though I said I would pay extra. "This is the biggest cup we can use" said the little punk manager who is half my size and I could break his arms off like twigs as he held what they call a "large". "No... that is not the biggest cup... there is a biggie cup right there and it is clearly larger" "But we can't use that" "Yes you can... just fill it with frosty" "We can't" "Why?" "Because this is the biggest cup we can use" "Jesus christ man! Don't you see the biggie cup? Don't you understand that you can fill the biggie cup with frosty? Will the machine break down if you try to fill a biggie cup with frosty?" "No... we just can't use the biggie cups for frosties"

Subway: "What are you doing?" I ask the clerk. "Cutting the bread" "Down the side?" "Yes" "But that's not how you do it... you cut a V down the center so the toppings don't fall out" "We don't do the classic cut anymore" "Do you know how?" "Yes" "Then do it!" "No. We can't" "Why?" "We are supposed to cut it down the side" "No... you're supposed to cut it the way I tell you and I am telling you to cut old skool" "We can't" so I left.... never to return

Burger king: I saw the manager, he looked to be in his mid 20's talking to a young girl who had to be about 14ish. There was no way she was over 16. I thought "Aww... big brother and little sister" but then they started making out and then little girl left. That was just upsetting. I go up to the manager and ask "She your girlfriend" "Yeah" "She's cute... does she know how to ride a bike yet?" And he had to take it... that's the great thing, he has to take my abuse or else he can be fired/ arrested for diddling a little kid.

Target: They banned me... but I've turned the tables.
posted by Tyler 11:32 PM

Tuesday, May 07, 2002

 
Results from the Cavalcade of music are posted.
Our symphony (listed under full orchestra) placed third overall, but first in state. Our womens choir and concert choir placed first... and band... band was listed "superior" because they're not special.
Goes to show you punks, unless you're from Mayfield High School in Las Cruces, NM or Corona del Sol High School in Tempe, AZ, rocky kicks your ass.
Damn right
posted by Tyler 7:51 PM

Monday, May 06, 2002

 
Better late than never
Quote of the day
"Don't think of it as masturbating, think of it as getting your recommended daily allowance of vitamin wank"
--Tyler Trujillo, 2nd Period.
posted by Tyler 10:21 PM

Friday, May 03, 2002

 
Back home and it feels so good to get out of my tux and into a tshirt and flannel pants. mmm... flannel
After we played we had the group pictures taken. The first picture is a formal picture and the second one he told us "Do whatever you want". I said "Hey, i'll drop my pants" "No you won't" "That sounds like a wager to me" "10 bucks" "Okay" "No... 5 bucks" "Okay." and it was decided. When we get the pictures I might post them, because people always ask to see me without pants.
posted by Tyler 8:48 PM

 
Jesus Christ I am up early. Why? Because I went to bed at 7:30pm last night... why? because in an hour and 15 minutes I am going on a bus to Colorado Springs to run away from my parents and start a new life...
Actuallly the bus goes to Colorado Springs for a competition for symphony. That's not as interesting though.
So I sit here wondering, what was the best part of waking up? Folgers, or masturbating?
posted by Tyler 3:33 AM

Wednesday, May 01, 2002

 
Last night i didn't write..
Yesterday I took chris and phil to hooters for lunch. A jolly time was had by all. We came back 15 minutes after class started so I figured "I'm already marked absent, i'm going to find something to do". That something was to go home and watch TV for the remaining 75 minutes of 3rd period. I'm creative like that. The weird thing is that our school has an automatic thing that calls your house around dinner time if you are marked absent for any period(s). Normally I just intercept the call and call back pretending to be my dad (The system doesn't work) but we received no automated call. I wonder if my teacher filled in the bubble sheet wrong and marked someone else absent.
Now I must go back to ebay and try and stop that bitch from buying the stuff I want.
posted by Tyler 8:24 PM