Sunday, June 30, 2002

 
Today was a good day... temperature is back to normal.
I have also come to the conclusion that I like the taste of blood. It's kind of a metallic taste, not unlike a penny.
posted by Tyler 9:56 PM

Saturday, June 29, 2002

 
Too angry...
I'm sick... last night I had a 102 fever and right now it's at 101.3. I hate being sick.
I'm watching some 500 pound woman on CNN complaining how she had to buy two seats.
I'm sorry lady, but when I get on a plane I don't want your fat ass blocking the way to the emergency exit.
posted by Tyler 10:24 PM

 
I am fucking sick of truck commercials with their classic rock and yuppies. I like classic rock, but I don't want to hear it being used to shove a plasticy new truck down my throat. Like the dodge commercial with the people driving their new dodge truck and he's all "Nice day" and their manly dust cloud covers all the trucks who are behind them. In the end they turn away from a cliff and say "I hope no one was behind us" because cliff... What you don't see is what happens next. Passenger says "Lets go back to my 1 million dollar estate, strip down, oil ourselves up and watch wrestling".
You can take your new truck anywhere you want to go... and you end up running your kids to school and picking up milk from the grocery store. Yeah... your powerstroke diesel that covers up your small penis/yeast infection really comes in handy when your kids each weigh a metric ton because they stay inside all fucking day playing video games and eating happy meals.
posted by Tyler 12:58 PM

Friday, June 28, 2002

 
Well, I found my sister a car and she will pick it up on tuesday.
1996 Geo Metro 4 door with A/C, PW, PL, CD, and 55k miles for 2700 dollars.

A couple nights ago in matts car I saw a cute girl so I threw a piece of paper with my number on it into her car. Well today she called me.

Girl: Did you throw a piece of paper in my car two nights ago?.
Me: Yes... yes I did
Girl: You hit me in the eye
Me: Oh shit, I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm kidding... Its a cute gesture but I have a boyfriend.
Me: I see... will you at least give me phone sex?
Girl: I better not.
Me: Will you at least call me a dirty girl?
Girl: Oh yes, you are a dirty girl.
Me: Wow... it's even hotter coming from another person.
Girl: If I didn't already have a boyfriend, I'd so go out with you.
posted by Tyler 4:57 PM

Tuesday, June 25, 2002

 
My little sister just got her permit two weeks ago and is already saying "I need a car". She doesn't realize that there is no place to park it. In our neighborhood the bastard homeowners association people charge you if you park in the street and the garage is full of my car, my moms car and my dads car.
But still, she "needs" a car. Everyday she shows me ads for cars from the paper "This one?" "How about this?". She doesn't realize that I have no say in the matter. I tell her "Ask dad.. he'll just say no" and he does. Luckily my aunt gave me a car with only 65k miles for 10 bucks. Sure it's ugly and has an anemic 4cyl engine that sounds like a kazoo but it gets good gas mileage and was 10 bucks! But no... "I don't want an ugly car" says my sister. So she goes for "pretty cars" that are cheap but have 200k miles or say "Need work" "runs OK" and so forth. Girls are stupid with cars.
It's true...
my mom's stupid with cars
my older sister is stupid
my little sister is extremely stupid.
and 99% of the women who read my blog are stupid with cars too.
I love you dad.
posted by Tyler 10:01 PM

Sunday, June 23, 2002

 
The cast of NEELPIMP
Bryan: Bryan has been my friend since 1st grade. He's a good guy and easy to get along with. He also has the strength of two men... His bulging farmboy biceps put most anyone to shame and in beg. weights he was 2nd only to a senior with the strength of 3 men in the strongest man competition. We've done a lot together... like throwing a VCR off his roof and then smashing it with an axe for 3 minutes for a german project (we got an F on that one) or almost burning down his house with our first rocket car. He is good for a laugh but knows when to stop so he hardly ever pisses people off. He drives a 1988 Chevy pick up that dented so much it would cost more than the truck is worth (or would be worth when repaired) to fix it. It has earned the title of "Hickmobile"... but he does have a bitchen cool stereo system. Blaupunkt 200 watt CD player, pioneer speakers, and a bazooka sub. We once used his truck as a swimming pool and like to take it off road when we're bored.
Chris: Chris is the youngest and is a grade behind us all... he just turned 16 but has the sexual deviancy of twenty asian men. He usually combines his interests of mothers, fat chicks, women teachers, women police officers, punk girls, minority women, female masturbation, chris masturbation and anime porn into tales that shock and amuse. He is only 135 pounds but is solid muscle. He wrestles, plays football (linebacker) and often says to women "Hey baby, I was kicked out of school for bringing two guns and a six pack" and then takes off his shirt. It has yet to gather more than compliments. Keep trying chris... keep trying. I've known him since I was in 9th grade and have come to the conclusion that chris is quite a character... and that is the best way to describe him. Mostly because when I say "Yeah... he once put vaginal cream in his mouth to decide if it was toothpaste"... well, people are a little put off.
Chris' older sister: Chris does not leave me alone with his older sister because I will get into her pants. She's been around, which makes her all the more attainable.
Matt: Matt is from oregon and I've known him since 7th grade. He can be a dick sometimes but is pretty cool overall. He says "Bayg" instead of "bag". We usually emulate by using "long A" sounds whenever we quote him. He has a bitchin basement with a pool table and PS2. He is always up for seeing a movie or going out somewhere. His ride is a 1995 camry we call "the matt mobile" or "matts camry"
Brian: Brian is a portly fellow who is always good for a laugh. When not playing ice hockey he enjoys fishing, lesbian porn, and lesbian fishing porn. He drives like a mad man, but has never been in an accident. His ride is a 1991 Trooper we call "the trooper"
Simon: simon makes appearences less during the summer, but he is still around. He moved here from scotland when he was 5 and I've known him since 4th grade. He is one of the funniest kids I know but also knows when to give it a rest. He is a mormon, but we're pretty sure he's going to hell.
And that is all for now.. yeah.
posted by Tyler 12:12 PM

Friday, June 21, 2002

 
My little sister has her permit and my parents made me take her to a parking lot to drive.
Me: Okay... when I yell at you to stop and smack you, you best stop okay?
sister: Okay
Me: Let's try parking by that light pole, okay?
sister: Okay
And then she speeds over to the light pole and is about to hit it
Me: STOP! *smack*
nothing
me: STOP! *SMACK*
She slams on the brakes and starts yelling at me. "Don't hit so hard!"
Okay... one more time. Let's park over there.
She is heading into the space but is going 5mph and is about to hit the curb
me: STOP!
she hits the curb, goes onto the sidewalk and then stops
me: Now what the hell was going on in your head?
sister: I was parking
me: you were fucking up my car, that's what you were doing.
Sister:I'm sorry!
me: Lets just practice coming to a stop and putting it in park okay?
Sister: okay
Me: Take it to 15, then stop then put it in park
She floors it to 15, slams on the brake and puts it in park... but the car was still moving
*click* *click* *click* *CLUNK* and my head almost hits the dash.
me *supressing rage*: I think youre done
posted by Tyler 11:26 PM

Wednesday, June 19, 2002

 
Okay... I need to do something new... I introduce you to "Let Tyler interview you"
Email me if you're cool, and if you're really cool I'll subject you to an interview... with sexy results.
posted by Tyler 11:03 PM

 
Went up poudre canyon to go tubing with brian... good fun, except for a few things. First thing that went wrong, we picked a nice calm area to start, but it then led to a small waterfall thingy that flipped me over. Then we hit whitewater. I sliced my foot open on a rock, then was slammed into a bigger pointier rock, then hit several blunt rocks. When mother nature stopped being a bitch we realized "Hey... we only took one car" so we had to walk back to brians trooper... about 5 miles away... but we didn't have shoes, and I was wearing only boxers. We tried hitchhiking for awhile, but while girls honked at me because my boxers turned see through, no one picked us up so we started walking. After walking about 2 miles someone picked us up. Nice guy... I wonder if he's gay.
posted by Tyler 9:12 PM

Tuesday, June 18, 2002

 
I hate oversensitive people... they suck.
Goths too...
posted by Tyler 4:50 PM

Monday, June 17, 2002

 
I'm in summer school... and since I am in summer school, I have contact with other people... and since I am in contact with other people, I have many chances to piss them off....
Today, I hear a 14 year old girl talking about her 20 year old "boyfriend". I have to admit, she was quite developed and will probably be damn hot when she's older but still.... 14.
Me: Awwwwwwwww
Girl: Shut up
Me: I'm sorry... i'm just so touched. Even though there are laws against statutory rape, a 20 year old loser can still find love.
Girl: He's not a loser, he's really nice.
Me: He's really nice because he wants to get in your day of the week panties.

Maybe I went too far, but she's going to find out that i'm right.
posted by Tyler 2:50 PM

Sunday, June 16, 2002

 
brian: Do your neighbors have a daughter?
me: yeah
brian: is she hot?
me: she's 11
brian: Oh... well, I just saw a chick bending over and thought I would ask
me: Dude! She's 11!
brian: I couldn't tell!.
posted by Tyler 9:26 PM

Saturday, June 15, 2002

 

Find Out If You Were A Drug, What You Would Be!
coincidence? uh....
this laptop pisses me off with its bastard touch pad mouse thingy thats not a mouse but it thinks it is, I hate it so much. I could buy a mouse but that takes money that I can spend elsewhere.
Summer school has been pretty good so far, mostly because i already know all the material.
posted by Tyler 12:04 PM