Wednesday, July 31, 2002

 
I saw two men holding hands downtown. My little brainwashed sister told me that it's wrong.
Me: why? they have free will
sister: the bible says so
me: the bible says a lot of things. I can kill dad because he works on sunday according to your little book. I can kill you because you cursed mom yesterday. Don't use the bible as an excuse to be ignorant.
sister: those rules don't apply today
me: but men still can't sleep with men. I guess that rule still applies for some reason. You just believe because someone told you to. That's right, where's your little youth group now?
Sister: do you want to go to hell or something?
Me: wait, there's a hell? I thought mom and dad made it up to make us behave... sort of like Santa Claus. Remember when you used to believe in him?
I'm not this way to everyone... until they try to pull the whole "God hates this" or "God hates that" thing on me

You see... I believe in God, but I see him as a kid with sea monkeys. You don't punish or judge sea monkeys... unless you were the kid who had no friends. Otherwise you just kind of watch them do their little sea monkey things and feel proud that you "created" life. Sure I was high when I thought of it, but i'm pretty sure the people who wrote the bible were high too. I mean, noah living to be 900 years old? You expect me to believe this stuff?
Oh... figurative... figurative
Sort of how figuratively speaking, Spongebob Squarepants is like Jesus, being persecuted for being the son of God and all.
Okay, I was high when I thought of that too...
posted by Tyler 2:30 AM

Sunday, July 28, 2002

 
I fucking hate our lazy police and their usage of a camera to catch speeding drivers. 45 is like 25 right?
I should have just stolen the camera, then no one would ever know.
posted by Tyler 10:27 AM

Thursday, July 25, 2002

 
I have this stuff called "Bio-Freeze" for when i get sore after lifting. It's like icy hot, but in lotion form... and not smelly or greasy. I love it more than I love God or my country, but don't you ever use it as lube; at first it's invigorating, but then it just gets painful.
posted by Tyler 10:20 PM

 

Hehe... his name is boner.
Hello, I'm Mr. Boner... hehe
posted by Tyler 8:53 PM

Wednesday, July 24, 2002

 

Hehe... his name is stoner.
Hello, I'm Mr. Stoner... hehe...
posted by Tyler 10:40 PM

Saturday, July 20, 2002

 
Chris:I think we should have a national day of masturbation.
Me: We have one. It's called saturday.
Chris: I mean one where everyone masturbates.
Me: Saturday.
Chris: I mean an annual thing with parades and cards
Me: Thanksgiving.
Make every day thanksgiving day.
posted by Tyler 11:28 PM

Friday, July 19, 2002

 





What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com /
<º>

Hey... people already call me "The Violator"
Woo hoo! No school today! Back to sleep. stupid mono.
posted by Tyler 12:40 PM

Saturday, July 13, 2002

 
My little sister came home after an 8 day brainwashing by the church. sure... they called it a "youth trip" but now I have a Jesus freak living in my house. They don't make those on ordinary trips.
Sister: I have God now
Me: Shove it, churchy. I have frosted flakes
Sister: Without god, you wouldn't have frosted flakes.
Me: Tony the tiger says you're going to hell.
Sister: Tony the tiger can't say that, only God can. And i'm not going to hell
Me: Thou shalt not put false gods before Frosted Flakes!
Sister: Shut up
Me: HEATHEN! Taste the purifying fire of the Lord!
And I proceded to throw frosted flakes at my sister until she left.
It's going to be a long summer.
posted by Tyler 8:19 PM

 
I have mono, damn it...
My mom made me get a test because a couple weeks ago I had a high fever and lately I've been crashing on the couch for a few hours a day and such.
I should have never tongue-kissed that homeless man.
posted by Tyler 11:38 AM

Thursday, July 11, 2002

 
I got a perfect score on my writing and presentation! hooray for perfection and auto-eroticism
I also got a 98 percent on the final, higher than my chump ass classmates.
Tomorrow is my last day... until I start humanities on monday. I don't have to go tomorrow, but lori is leaving town for a few days so I think I will.

I've resumed the job search. I decided I will clean up my car, I need 700 dollars. See, I would say "soup up" but it's not going to be very radical, so I say clean up. Dig?
i could get the funds from my savings, but that's for my next car. I finished my older sisters prism which has the same engine as my car. A few days ago I drove it to school. It is a girl car, stuffed panda on the dash, a million things hanging from the mirror, and beanie babies on the rear seats... but thanks to me, I can smoke the tires... smoke them good. My sister said "Jesus.. what did you do?".
posted by Tyler 9:37 PM

Wednesday, July 10, 2002

 
I gave my presentation on Paul Reubens (aka Pee-Wee Herman/flamboyant hairdresser from Blow) in US Lit...the best part was when I debated whether or not jerking it in a porno theater is really a crime at all. It's not like anyone in there is going to be offended.
posted by Tyler 11:01 PM

Tuesday, July 09, 2002

 
Why you should all love Morgan
tylertrujillo: Hm... whats a funnier birthday present
tylertrujillo: 20 inch dildo or battery powered vagina?
modesto720: The vagina/
tylertrujillo: Yeah, dildos are soooo cliche
modesto720: Definitely
modesto720: Everyone's gotten a dildo at least once
posted by Tyler 9:34 PM

Monday, July 08, 2002

 
I was cut off by some asshole with a jesus fish, "got jesus?" bumper sticker and a "Jesus loves me" sticker on his car. I wonder what the fuck goes through someones mind when they put that little fish on their car. "There we go, now everyone knows that I think I'm better than them".
posted by Tyler 11:06 PM

 
Matt: And I said "Tomato? I meant bayg!"
*aristocratic laugh*
Me: Matt my boy, you are the most whimsical chap I've ever met.
Matt: Indeed I am.
Me: Most definately.
*Chris dry humps table*
Matt: *laugh* You're positively the randiest lad around
Me: Indeed
Actually, it went nothing like that... in fact, nothing like that ever happened. Except for chris humping a table.
The cutest girl alive and I went on our first "date". Sure it was early in the day, and on a monday... it was a spur of the moment thing.
Point is, we are go for a second. Makes me wonder, normally girls say "You're a funny guy tyler, but stay the hell out of my garbage cans". Perhaps she is a robot... meh, i'm cool with that.
posted by Tyler 6:57 PM

Sunday, July 07, 2002

 
Back from fishing today.
We left for home at about 10:30am and on the way down the canyon I called out "DUDE!" which means "Look! I'd nail her!"
the car behind us was a white honda with two shaggable college babes. They pass us, and when they are next to us chris leans out the window and flexes. We all have a good laugh, then we pass them and they wave and "flex" for us. Lucky for us, their biceps are not nearly as impressive as chris. So I think to myself "Hm... I see how this game goes" and I take off my pants and swing them around out the window. When I take in the pants I see them signal for more, so yeah... more clothing goes out the window.
But... they never took of their clothes. Bitches.
posted by Tyler 9:14 PM

Thursday, July 04, 2002

 
Ah watching fireworks, the only time I don't get angry when I have to put up with a crowd of drunken yokels.
I had a damn good spot too, hot ash was raining on me. Big ass pieces too, I kept some. the largest one is half the size of a soft ball, but it broke in my pocket. Still, a bitchin time was had by all
p.s going fishing... until sunday.
posted by Tyler 11:43 PM

 
Oh yeah... I now have short hair. I should have taken before and after pictures. I had mad cool shaggy hair. I figured I had enough for a mullet so I got one but my mom was all "no tyler, you can't do that or i'll stop buying you food and gas" so I got it fixed. Fixed means it's just so short that you realize that my head is way to small for my manly shoulders.
posted by Tyler 10:27 AM

 
And somewhere out there a father weeps...
Hehe...
I haven't been posting much lately, i've met the cutest girl alive. I've got her to the point where she thinks "He's not creepy, he's funny".
Green light means go!
posted by Tyler 10:24 AM

Monday, July 01, 2002

 

And I was just like what-ever!
Oh I do love you.
posted by Tyler 11:05 PM