Return to Chocolate Index
”Why is it, Again?” John asked sourly “that we are here wandering through the Fire swamp and being eaten alive by giant insect type critters?”
”We are here,” Aeryn replied in an equally sour tone as she searched for a way around the large pool of stagnant water “because you never listen to me.” Finding no other alternative she hopped into the waist high sludge and began to trudge across it.
”We are here,” she said again, “Because I told you that it was a bad idea to come to this commerce planet in the first place, and you didn’t listen, we are here, because I told you that bringing Jool, Chiana and Rygel along was trouble and you didn’t listen. We are HERE, because I told you to take a transport pod instead of D’Argo’s frelling ancient ship AND YOU DIDN’T LISTEN.”
”Aeryn,” Said John splashing along behind her, “it’s not that I didn’t listen....
”YES, IT IS THAT YOU DIDN’T LISTEN. Because if you HAD listened to me, Jool, Chiana and Rygel would not have BEEN here to spend and gamble away most of our currency, we would NOT be on a planet with only one refueling station with limited fuel types and we would NOT be splashing through Garnak knows WHAT kind of muck searching for ancient Luxan fuel for an ancient Luxan ship NOW WOULD WE?”
”You’re right,” John said knowing when he was fighting a losing battle. “It’s all my fault.”
Aeryn turned around to face him, surprised he had capitulated so quickly. “Yes, well,” she stammered a bit at a loss, “as long as you know that.”
John sighed and scratched at one of the 7 or 8 bug bites stinging on his arm. “It was a rhetorical question anyway Aeryn.”
”Rhetorical?”
”Yeah, you know one you don’t really expect an answer to?”
”If you didn’t want an answer then why did you ask me?”
”Because it’s. Reh... Oh, forget it.” He smiled in spite of himself. Although it drove him crazy at times Aeryn’s extremely literal mind was one of the things he loved about her the most. He supposed, in view of all that had happened between them lately, that he should just be glad she was speaking to him again and had agreed to accompany him to find the Nafreth oil needed to get D’Argo’s ship running again.
”Come on Princess Buttercup, lets get a move on,” John reached the other side of the small pond, pulled himself out and reached back a hand to help Aeryn. “We are going to have to hurry if we are going to reach Miracle Max.’s by sundown.”
Aeryn tried rather unsuccessfully to wipe off some of the slimy muck now covering her lower body.
”We are going to see someone named Graneth, who lives on the Teranian plains,” Aeryn said crossly and then paused, “ Or is that some type of obscure Earth reference I’m supposed to get?”
”It’s from a movie. A child’s movie actually. It was called the Princess bride. My niece Amanda used to make me watch it every time I babysat her. “
“Uncle John” he said in a high pitched whinny voice, “Wanna watch Pwinsess Bwite. I had to watch the damn thing so many times I can recite the whole screenplay from memory.”
”And this.... Miracle Max? Did he mine Nafreth oil?” Aeryn consulted their map and headed off towards the west.
”No actually, he was.... wait, I’d better start at the beginning.” John tested a rotting log with his foot before hopping up on it so he would walk along side Aeryn.”
”Once upon a time, a long time ago.” He began
”Why do all your stories start out that way?” Aeryn took a rather large knife out of her pack and began hacking at the underbrush blocking her way.
”It’s all purpose, it means we don’t know when the hell it happened, now hush and listen.” “Once upon a time, a long time ago. There lived a farmer’s daughter named Buttercup.”
”Ridiculous name.”
He ignored her, “Farmers were pretty important cats back then, cause you know without them there was no food, and Buttercup was very pretty, if you like blonde’s anyway, so she was prime marriage material and people came from far and wide to seek her hand. But none of them caught her eye until.”
”Why didn’t her father choose?” Aeryn interrupted.
”What?”
”Well I mean it was his money, why didn’t he pick a husband for her?”
”Aeryn, you know full well that on my planet most marriages are by choice and not assigned, now let me finish.”
”O.K. don’t get snarky,” she looked up at him and then checked the compass to make sure they were still on course.
”None of them caught her eye until a guy named Wesley came to work for her father. Now Wesley was handsome, strong, intelligent, all the things that make young girls give up their virginity, but unfortunately he was a peasant.”
”Peasant?”
”Means he was broke.”
”Oh.”
”But he loved Buttercup very much. He used to follow her everywhere and do stuff for her and just generally moon around in her presence. And whenever she asked for something and even sometimes when she didn’t he would answer” as you wish.”
”As you wish?”
”Yeah, see that was his way of telling her that he loved her. Now it didn’t take Buttercup too long to realize that no matter what Wesley was saying to her what he was REALLY saying was I love you and being a smart girl she fell in love with him back. Problem was like I said he was broke. So he told Buttercup he was going to go away to seek his fortune and she should wait for him. He promised that no matter what he would come back to get her.”
”Well Buttercup agreed to wait, but after awhile she got word that pirates had raided the ship Wesley was on and he’d been killed.”
John paused, they had come to the end of the buyou and across a short expanse of grass faced a cliff stretching up almost as far as the eye could see. Long vines as thick around as a man’s arm hung down from the heights and it seemed to go on for metra’s in either direction.
”Please,” he closed his eyes, “Please tell me that we don’t have to climb that Please”.
Aeryn consulted the map again. “The Tanja heights. Yup, from here we go straight up. Get out your repelling gear.”
Three ahrns later they were still climbing. John’s leg muscles ached from the strain, his fingers were cracked and bleeding and he was getting dizzy from the thinning atmosphere.
”Aeryn,” he wheezed, “ tell me please that we are somewhere near the top.”
”Not far now,” she replied sounding as fresh as when they started.
”That’s what you said an ahrn ago.”
”Yeah, well, this time I mean it.”
He was sure she was lying. “I can’t take much more of this.”
Aeryn looked down at John’s sweating pale face and took pity on him.
”Don’t think about the pain,” she advised, “concentrate on something else”
John looked up and then back down again. The only thing in his line of vision to concentrate on was her leather-clad butt as it heaved back and forth above him. And that definitely wasn’t going to help relieve anything.
”Can’t”
”Well then,” Aeryn hoisted herself up another few denches, “Finish telling me your story. What happened to the girl after her lover died?”
”Oh, right. Well Buttercup went into mourning for like four cycles. She rarely ate, she cut everybody off, and she got real...ah.... introspective. At least until Prince Humperdink came alone.”
”Humperdink?” Aeryn began to laugh in spite of herself, “That’s even more ridiculous than Buttercup.”
”Agreed. Anyway, Humperdink was ...... well he was a lot like Crais.”
”Crais?”
”Yeah, arrogant, pompous windbag, who tries to make like he’s everybody’s friend and in truth is just out for his own agenda.”
”I see.”
”No I don’t think you ever will, but in any case, he came to Buttercup and made her a great offer. If she married him then he would give her all kinds of power and authority. She didn’t have anything else to do so she accepted.”
”Smart girl, she cut her losses and moved on.”
”No not smart at all.” John paused, pressing his back into a small crevice and took a drink of water and wiped the sweat out of his eyes. “See Humperdink, cockroach that he was, really didn’t care about Buttercup, he actually wanted to use her as a pawn to start a war with another country he wanted to over take. He arraigned to have her kidnapped and was going to have her killed. But a man dressed in black followed the kidnappers and took them out one by one.”
”And who was he?”
”Well that was a mystery at first. No one knew. He was a pretty cool guy though. He beat one kidnapper at swordplay, another at a test of strength and outwitted a third by poisoning him. Finally when it was just he and Buttercup she asked him who he was and why he’d saved her.”
”And?” Aeryn’s voice sounded far away and John looked up to see that she had already reached the summit some 5 metra’s above him and was looking down at him expectantly.
”Well, he said he was a pirate and had only saved her to get the ransom that Humperdink was offering for himself. He didn’t respect her because he had heard that she had been in love with someone else and had thrown that guy over just because Humperdink gave her a better offer.” He huffed at last nearing the top.
” Buttercup got mad and drop kicked him down the side of a hill. On his way down he called out “as you wish” and she realized that somehow, some way, the Pirate WAS her Wesley and she went rolling down after him. When they reached the bottom he asked her how she could have given herself to anyone else when she KNEW he was coming back for her.”
”That’s not fair” Aeryn said grunting as she gave him a hand over the edge. ” Didn’t he know she thought he was dead?”
”Yup, he did.” John flopped over on his back panting loudly. “But he said it didn’t matter, because they had true love, and, and, , “ he scrambled to his feet.
”And?”
John found himself standing very close to her. Close enough to reach out and twist around his finger the single tendril of hair that had escaped from her braid. “He said....... not even death can stop true love. It can only delay it for a little while.”
Aeryn didn’t say anything; she just stared at him.
Something strange happened to John then. The rest of the world disappeared. His aches and pains and the burning in his lungs from lack of air. All gone. The only thing that existed was her gray eyes and an irresistible urge to kiss her. He disengaged his finger from her hair and placed it lightly against her cheek and began tracing the edge of her jaw.
She didn’t move.
He might take the risk this once, he thought as his finger slid under her chin, gently tilting it up towards his face. It might just be worth it. But then he noticed that the gray eyes were brimming with tears and he lost his nerve.
He stepped back and picked up his pack. “It’s just a dumb story Aeryn, lets go.” He headed through the tall grass.
And didn’t see her weeping behind him.
_______________________________________
I think it should be just up there”
Aeryn caught up to John and grabbed his arm to make him wait for her.
”Over that next hill, we should get there in another half an ahrn.”
”O.K.” He didn’t slow down and he didn’t look at her.
”Wait” she called out after him
He stopped.
Aeryn stared at his back. “Frell it,” she was never any good at this stuff. She wanted to tell him that she wasn’t angry he had tried to kiss her. That her tears were just a reflection of the battle going on inside. A battle that despite her best efforts and better judgement he was slowly winning. About how she wanted to let go but didn’t know how, needed him to show her and but knew she’d never ask. She wanted to tell him these things but instead she just said...
”Tell me the rest of the story.”
”What?”
”The rest of the story, I want to hear how it ends.... Please?”
John looked at her perplexed and a little annoyed. She thought at first he was going to refuse her, then he shrugged and began to speak. “Well...”
And as the sun set and darkness fell he told her about how Wesley and Buttercup conquered the Fire swamp, with its quicksand, and fire spouts and R.O.U.S (Rodents of unusual size) and how Humperdink was waiting for them on the other side. About how he lied to Buttercup promising he’d spare Wesley’s life if she married him, but sent him off to the Pit of despair with its version of the Aurora chair instead. How the two surviving kidnappers that Wesley had spared, became his allies and helped him to Miracle Max who healed him of his wounds and sent him off to storm the castle. And how with some help Wesley was able to rescue Buttercup from Humperdink and escape the castle and they rode off into the sunrise with his new friends.
”And so they lived happily ever after right?” Aeryn asked “Isn’t that how you end these things?”
”Well I don’t know about happily ever after, Aeryn, I don’t know if anybody ever gets that really. But I do know that they lived. And maybe... when you’re in love” John looked down and began to dig at the ground with the toe of one boot.
”Maybe living is enough.”
”John I..” Aeryn began but was cut off by the large net that came swooping down over them and knocked them both to the ground. They struggled briefly but only managed to get themselves more entangled. John was just about to see if he could reach over Aeryn’s side and grab her weapon when a bright light suddenly blinded the both of them.
”MAKE A MOVE TOWARDS THAT FIRESTICK BOY AND I’LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF”
”Who’s there?” John called back trying to hide his eyes from the glare
”I’M ASKIN THE QUESTIONS HERE SONNY NOT YOU. MY PROPERTY AFTER ALL. NOW WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT’VE I STOPPED YOU FROM STEALIN”
”We aren’t here to steal anything.” Aeryn said showing a remarkable amount of restraint. “We are trying to find someone named Graneth. We heard he lives around here and mines Nafreth Oil. We wish to purchase some from him as we’ve got a friend whose ship runs on it.”
”DO YA THINK I’M AN IDIOT SKINNY PANTS? NO SHIP MADE IN THE LAST 200 CYCLES RUNS ON NAFRETH OIL”
”True, yes” Aeryn said but our friend’s ship, it’s a Luxan Assault Piercer from the Second Dynasty.
”He’s a bit of a collector” John chimed in, “Likes the classic’s you know. And from what I hear the Second Dynasty produced like the 67 Chevy’ of Assault Piercers. Hey, we’re just trying to help him out man, we got money we can pay.”
There was silence for a few microts and then the light dimmed. Aeryn and John could make out an old man on top of what appeared to be an all terrain type vehicle.
”O.K. I believe you” He got down and started to cut the net away so they could get out. “Didn’t mean to scare you but you can’t be to careful these days” “ What were you doing sneaking in the back like that anyway?”
”Sneaking in the back?” Aeryn handed Graneth the map they had been given at the refueling station back in town. “We followed the directions perfectly”
The old man stared at the piece of paper and then almost fell down howling with laughter. “Oh darlin, someone has had a powerful joke at your expense. This map was made over 60 cycles ago.”
”So?”
”So the main road is 6 Decca- metras the other side of those trees. You could have just rented you an all terrain and drove here.” Graneth was now laughing so hard he had to hold on to the door of his vehicle to keep himself upright. “Stead of wandering through swamps and gettin et up by Vilcha bugs. However did you make it up the Tanja Heights?”
Aeryn swore. She swore loud, creatively and in many languages. She didn’t stop until John promised to help her track down the guilty party and personally hold them down while she slowly filleted them with a blunt knife and then inserted their decapitated heads on a Jinka pole.
This of course set the old man laughing again. “Come on” he said when he’d calmed down enough to speak. “Even if you didn’t have any money, that last display was payment enough. I’ll sell you your Nafreth oil. Now lets get you cleaned up and fed.”
_________________________________________________
”Here you go beautiful” the old man handed Aeryn a hot cup of Cherath Tea. She was sitting on the front porch watching the sun come up.
”Thank you”
”Your husband still asleep?”
”Yes,” Aeryn replied without correcting him.
”Not like us old soldiers,” he said companionably, “ dawns almost to late for us.”
Aeryn shrugged, “Old habits die hard.”
Graneth grinned, “And good ones don’t die at all, or so my Lyleth used to say.”
”Maybe not”.
”Well,” the old man said stretching. “I’d better get a move on, it’s gonna take me about 4 ahrns to get up to the mine and get you the quantity of Nafreth oil you specified, and another two to arrange for transport and get back down to the road. So what say you meet me in about 6 ahrns at metra marker 152?. Just head straight west through those trees and you’ll come right into it.”
”Can’t we help you?” Aeryn asked, “I could wake John and ...”
”Naw, that’s alright Honey” Graneth patted Aeryn on the head. “No offence, but I’m managed to eek out a living way out here in the boonies mainly because I know what to keep secret and what to share. I’ll tend to it myself. Rest, get that man of yours some breakfast and meet me in 6 ahrns.”
”Alright”
”Oh, before I forget.” Graneth went back into his cottage briefly and brought out a medium sized canister with a screw on metal top and handed it to Aeryn. “You’re going to need this.”
Aeryn frowned, “What is it?” she screwed off the top and sniffed experimentally.
”Stank. No pun intended. We make it from some bean that’s been growing here since before this planet was inhabited. Not good for much, you can’t use it in food, or for dye, but we found if you ground it up, melted it and added a sweetent to it, then it made a paste that keeps the Vilcha bugs from eating you alive during the high season. Smear it all over your exposed skin before you leave, 6 Decca-metra’s is a pretty long walk even for an ex soldier like you.”
”I don’t know why you call it Stank, it smells O.K., nice even.”
”Well it may smell nice, but DON’T eat it. Stuff tastes awful; I spread it on the poison leaves about the place to keep the cattle from eating them. Works wonders. There’s some more in the cabinet in the kitchen if you find you don’t have enough.”
With that Graneth headed across the yard towards the barn.
Aeryn sighed, it was too early to wake John and she really didn’t have anything else to do. So she pulled her knees up to her chest and did something she usually didn’t like doing. She thought.
She thought about Princesses and Pirates and love that never died. She thought about what it had cost her to give her heart, and what it had cost her to lose it. She thought about how the old man had mistaken her for a wife and called her an “ex soldier”. She thought about a message she was never meant to hear, and the plea of her mother that she live for her, and even though it made her sick, she thought about what she really wanted.
She jumped a bit when the heard the crunching of dry leaves and looked up to see John trudging across the yard from the sleeping quarters towards the house. He came up on the porch and went in without looking at her. After a few microts he came back out with a cup of tea and went and sat down sideways on the porch railing.
”Good morning” she said
”Morning”
”Did you sleep well?” She asked and took the top off of the Stank and swirled the first three fingers of each hand around in the gooey mess.
He merely shrugged, still scanning the horizon as if he expected something to show up at any moment.
Aeryn gave up, frustrated and a little angry. Frelling human, always wanting everything spelled out for him. Why did he have to be so stubborn.? He should know her well enough to know when she wa attempting to apologize. What did he want from her anyway? A Sonnet? A frelling dissertation?
”We are men of action.” The moo-vie line came to her unbidden. “Lies do not become us.”
Men of action indeed. Aeryn got up from her chair went over to John, grabbed his face in both gooey hands and kissed him. He resisted at first but she was persistent, not giving up until she felt his mouth open to her in response.
She pulled back and looked at him. “That what you were aiming for yesterday?”
”Aaaahhh” he said weakly.
She gave him a slight smile her face reddening with embarrassment. “Don’t worry John it’s a Ret-er-al question, you don’t have to answer.”
He laughed then, “Rhetorical. And actually, that exceeded any expectations I had yesterday.”
They stared at each other in silence for a few microts.
”I’ve missed you”. John said finally.
Aeryn nodded. “Me too.”
John reached out and placed a finger against the side of her face. Just as he had the day before he traced the side of her face until he reached her chin. Aeryns eyes closed as she felt her face began to tilt upwards and her lips parted in expectation.
”OH MY GOD!!!!!”
Aeryn’s eyes snapped open again. “WHAT?”
”OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS STUFF?”
Aeryn looked at John her expression vacillating between confusion and fear. It seemed that some of the gooey substance she had left on John’s face when she kissed him had dripped down his cheek and entered the corner of his mouth.
”I’M SORRY!” she shrieked, “I didn’t mean to. OHHH Graneth said not to eat it, does it really taste that awful?” Aeryn pulled the bottom of her T-shirt up and began frantically swiping at John’s face.
”Awful, Awful?, GOD no, I never though I’d taste it again.” He batted her hand away and kept licking at his cheek.. “CHOCOLATE”
”It’s not Cho-co-lat, John its Stank,” Aeryn waved the canister under his nose, “Its a bug repellant. Garanth said it tasted bad.”
John snatched the container from Aeryn shoved two fingers into it and began sucking on them noisily. “I don’t care what he calls it. It’s Chocolate, or something darn near close. And I..” whatever else he was attempting to say got lost as he shoved his whole hand into his mouth.
Aeryn frowned and went and got another container from the kitchen. She opened it and stuck an experimental finger inside drew it out and tasted it.
*Umm*, she thought, not bad. It had a warm, rich sweet taste that reminded her of roasted Bilba nuts, only better. She took another taste, much better. She vaguely remembered the other John telling her about Chocolate, on Talyn one night when they were discussing their favorite foods.
”John,” she called out, “Didn’t you tell me Chocolate was some kind of desert? “
He didn’t answer.
”But I thought you said they sold it in bars or little cakes like the ones on Pithari Prime.” Aeryn returned to the door to see that John had upended the container and was actually attempting to drink the contents.
”I don’t see what good it is in this form.”
John’s only response was to grunt and groan with ecstasy.
Aeryn froze at the sound and began to blush again. Only this time not from embarrassment. This time she rather suspected that it had more to do with
the warm rush that was now emanating from somewhere below her mid section.
”John,” she called to him her voice sounding husky and a little out of breath.
”JOHN!!”
”What?” He finally lowered the Stank pot and looked over at her.
Aeryn walked towards him twirling her finger in the brown goo. She put on what she hoped was her most innocent looking face and then smiled.
”Choco-late, tasting or not John we are going to have to leave here in a few ahrns, and this stuff DOES serve a useful purpose.” She stopped and pulled her finger out. Slowly she wrapped her tongue around the base and tugged gently upwards towards the knuckle. Once there she changed position, swallowing the finger and sucked hard until she reached the tip. She held the now clean finger up for John’s inspection.
He stared at it as though mesmerized.
Aeryn stuck the finger back in the pot and continued. “Graneth said to cover all exposed skin, but in view of the Looong way we have to walk I’m wondering. If...
She paused and threw her head back allowing the “chocolate” to drip off her fingertip directly into her throat before capturing it again and sucking it clean.
.... A more “complete” application might not be in order.”
The can John was holding slipped through his fingers and went clattering on the floor.
”Of course,” she went on, “There are some parts I might have trouble reaching. Care to give me a hand?”
”Ummm, yeah,” John’s voice cracked like an adolescent. “But you’d better get three or four more cans baby cause... you know.... we want to be thorough.”
”He was right” Aeryn thought a few mirots later as John flung her unceremoniously across one shoulder and fled in the direction of the bunkhouse.
”Sometimes living is enough.”
