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“Even I saw it Coming”
By LeatherGirl
Imagine your worst day and multiply it by ten. Then imagine your top ten fears becoming a reality and just forget about hope all together.
You see, it all started when Rygel ate a little too much on Tulva Nine. Bad mistake. Well, actually, he’s a natural scapegoat for whom to really blame. Wanna guess who? The poster boy of the universe, that’s who!!
Okay, so we’re all down on this commerce planet, yes another one, and Jool starts screaming because she thought she saw Scorpius. Everything we did just made her scream louder. I think my ears even began to bleed.
So here we are running the hell outta there to save our asses from angry locals when BAM! Smack dab into the man in black himself. Whew, talk about nasty breath. Do you think they have an equivalent of Certs around these parts? Damn.
But hey, Scorpius wasn’t there to capture me, torture me, or even tantalize me. No, he was there to gloat. Yeah, there were shivers crawling up and down everyone’s spines at this notion. And we were right to. Scorpius had somehow unlocked the secrets of wormhole technology. I think that’s when my jaw just about fell off. I may have even dislocated it in the process. Frell!
D’Argo naturally went for his Qualta Blade in a rage while Chiana informed us that she already knew this, she just didn’t want to say anything. Rygel, well, he just kept eating…and farting. Aeryn, well, let’s just say a statue could have shown more emotion.
Then came the worst thing imaginable. I truly don’t know if I can go any further…I’m handing the story over to D’Argo now, as he seems to be the most lucid.
Frelling human, always getting us into situations we can’t handle. I vouched for killing Scorpius immediately on the spot. And I should have. For the next piece of information he delivered would be almost too much to bear for the human. I could see his entire life crush within his icy blue eyes as Scorpius spoke.
“I took the liberty of visiting your home world. Quite pitiful, I must say. It was a rather small, inferior population that perished quickly. Such a shame really.”
John just about tore the half-breed’s head off. Even Aeryn looked like she wanted to gouge Scorpius a new hole in his head. I could feel the hyper rage mounting within and I had no intentions to harness it this time. And this is where I must hand the telling over to Chiana, as she already knew what was going to happen and didn’t even try to stop it.
I had tried warning them for weekens. But they wouldn’t listen. Maybe it was because I always knew what they were going to say and ended up finishing their sentences for them. They really got annoyed by that. I don’t know why, really, I thought it was kind of krell. So everyone’s really angry at Scorpius and suddenly, in comes Stark!
He’s as incoherent as ever, mumbling something like “good vs. evil” back and forth. I think he wasn’t even sure what he meant by this. Oh and he was throwing this yellow puffy morsel at everybody. John called it something like Jiffy Pop. So as we’re all facing off against the most evil villain in the universe, Jiffy Pops were being smacked into everyone’s faces. Stark was laughing the entire time of course. I told him he was going to choke on them but he didn’t listen. So when he finally did and plopped to the floor dead, I couldn’t be blamed. He should have listened.
Rygel began farting more than usual and soon we were all squeaking at high volumes and tearing apart at each other. John threw one hezmana of a good punch towards Scorpius but he ducked, hence poor Lt. Braca being on the receiving end of John’s fist. Oh yeah, and Jool still was screaming so when Scorpius tried to strike John with a dagger, the dagger simply melted. Right there in his hands.
I wanted to tell everyone that they should run, but I accidentally said someone else’s line before the alien was even going to think it. So as I yelled:
“Frell, we’re gonna buy the farm now!”
This, of course, caused everyone to stop immediately what they were doing and stare at me as if I were fahrbot. Well, save for John, who wondered how the frell I had known that phrase. I shrugged and the lights within the commerce center diminished. I couldn’t see anything…into the future or physically what was around me. I guess maybe it was because someone knocked me out. I’d never get to find out. That’s why Pilot’s going to tell you the rest of the story.
The crew was in a really bad situation. Moya called upon Talyn to assist. That was probably the worst thing she could have ever done. When Crais and Talyn arrived, Aeryn immediately decided she didn’t want any more of this dren. She slapped John in the face, stared at the others as if they were fahrbot, and even punched Jool. Of course that action didn’t stop her from her constant screaming either. Among all this song and dance, Crais became highly impressed and welcomed Aeryn to leave on Talyn. She did.
That was the last anyone ever saw of those three. Moya and I are still quite bitter. Oh, you want to know what happened to the rest of the crew? I’ll tell you. Gladly.
Stark was throwing that yellow pop dren at everybody. Some landed in Jool’s mouth and that STILL didn’t stop her from screaming. Rygel suddenly exploded and his eminence was spread across the center. D’Argo and John were still battling with Scorpius, failing miserably as the half-breed decided to bring along a fleet of his best PeaceKeeper soldiers. Unfortunately for the bad guys, a fleet of Scarrans arrived ahead of a Scarran Dreadnaught. The PeaceKeepers began to fend off Scarrans leaving Jool, Stark, John, D’Argo, Scorpius, and Lt. Braca arguing in the now abandoned commerce center.
Aeryn was gone. Talyn had abandoned his mother. Rygel had eaten himself to death. And Moya was getting pissed off.
D’Argo and John raced to the Growler, dragging screaming Jool and gibbering Stark along with them. Scorpius and Lt. Braca remained behind, laughing evilly. They realized they had won…after all they had the wormhole technology, John didn’t. But as evil as they were, they were quite slow on the uptake. Scarrans were closing in on them. They captured the two and made Scorpius watch every single one of John’s memories they had on record. Even I had to sympathize for the half-breed.
What remained of the crew arrived back on Moya just as we were discussing their future. Moya and I both agreed we no longer wished to transport these troublesome beings. So we initiated decompression. Permanently. Or at least we threatened to do so until they left on their own.
The human talked and the Luxan raged. Meanwhile, several DRDs were busily shoving Jool out an airlock. Needless to say, no one else would be hearing her any longer. And Stark…well he accidentally stepped off the catwalk before me. He’s with Zhaan now.
Only John and D’Argo were still left. Best friends. Comrades. Moya and I were about to change that. Decompression began. They ran for that Growler…or rather, D’Argo ran for the Growler while John ran for his module. They didn’t make it.
Moya and I were free. For the first time in either of our lives, we had the liberty to travel wherever we wished. Now that was the ultimate revenge. We traveled on into the unknown stars in forever bliss.
Oh yeah, and the Scarrans took over the known universe.
THE END
