Return to Dad's Worst Nightmares
"Zhaan? I'm bored," he complained to the Delvian seated beside him.
"John, if you're so bored, why don't you go try to meditate?" she sighed from behind closed lids. She wasn't quite sure how the afterlife could be boring, but when John got bored he always came to bother her. Truthfully, he was starting to work her nerves.
"Nah, done that already," he rolled on his side to look at his companion. "Have you seen Harvey lately? He's always good for a chuckle or two."
"I believe he is still embittered towards you. When I spoke with him last was very unhappy that you assisted in removing him from your mind, and apparently your latest prank here did not improve his perception of you." Now Zhaan did open her eyes to look at the human. "By the way, John, just what is an atomic wedgie?"
Before John could explain the complete nuances of wedgies, there was a loud *pop*, a swirling gray plume of smoke, and before them stood another being. John immediately went into a rant.
"Now wait just a frelling minute! Scorpius? Man, they must be hard up for souls around here!" he looked skyward before continuing his shouting. "Hey! Yeah, you! He's one of the *bad* guys!" But then he got a wonderful idea, and he moved to put his arm around the half-Scarran's shoulders. "Well, hi, Scorp, old buddy, old pal!"
"Hello, John," Scorpius said pleasantly, surprised his nemesis was so welcoming.
"So…just out of curiosity, have you heard of an atomic wedgie?"
"No, I haven't! Is that how your twin defeated me? Frell. When Braca arrives I will definitely have a reward for him," Scorpius looked around as if expecting the wayward Lieutenant any microt. "Now about this…what did you call it? Wedgie?"
"Oh, no you don't!"
They all turned in the direction of the frantic voice. John was greatly disappointed to see Harvey jogging towards them, albeit running a little funny.
"John?" Scorpius whispered. "Do I look that ridiculous when I run? Is my eema *really* that large?"
John just flopped back to the grass, knowing that Harvey would foil his plan. As he watched his ex-figment pull Scorpius away, he turned back to Zhaan.
"Zhaaaannn. I'm boooorrreeed."
But once again, they were interrupted by a loud *pop*, a swirling gray plume of smoke, and before them stood another being.
"Damn," said John Crichton, formerly of the Leviathan Moya. "I guess that didn't work so well, did it?" He was looking at John, formerly of the Leviathan Talyn.
"Actually, it did. You just missed old black and white himself."
"Dude, that's great. Zhaan! How are you?" he stooped down to plant a kiss on her cheek.
"I’m dead, John," she snapped, her meditation thoroughly ruined by the constant interruptions. With a huffy sigh, she stood up and stalked off.
"Wow. Was she that bitter before she kicked it?" John, fotLM, asked.
"Ah, she's been grouchy for a while. Trust me, this place gets on your nerves after a while," John fotLT answered.
"Oh. So," John, fotLM, said, sitting down beside his twin. "What do we do here."
"Well, if Harvey's in a good mood we can pick on him, but mostly I just sit around and wait for Aeryn." Suddenly he looked at John, fotLM. "She's not gonna be in the next *pop*, plume, is she?"
"Could be, it was a pretty crappy plan."
"Your plans usually are."
"Now you're one to talk."
There was silence as the two tried to stare each other down.
"And don't even think of starting 'Rock-Paper-Sciccors' with me. In here it would last an eternity."
"Ok, well then what are we gonna do?"
More silence, this time as they simultaneously plucked a blade of grass to chew on.
"I've got it!" John, fotLT, exclaimed, obviously pleased about something. He smiled at his twin, obviously he had a wonderful plan. "Since I've been here I've been hearing about this guy back home. Frell, I can't remember the name, now. Epsin? No, that's not it. Hmm. Anyway, he's a fake that cons fragile people into believing he can talk to the dead. I say we go haunt him."
"Cool. Let's do it."
They both got up to disperse for Earth, pleased to have a plan.
"Bet I can make him cry first."
"All right, first one to make him cry gets first hug from Aeryn when she shows up. Deal?"
"Deal."
"His name's Edwin? I'd hate to go haunt the wrong guy, just 'cause your lousy at remembering names." He prepared to go *pop*, looking at his duplicate expectantly.
"So sue me. All I really know is that he used to sell used cars or something…"
*pop* *pop*
