TO LOOSE WEIGHT...

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.

"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."

ANOTHER COUNT!

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?"

The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know, I can let you go under there and find out.
He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "Okay."
The man lifts the manhole cover, He steps into the manhole, and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...

EMPLOYMENT?

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the column Salary Expected.
He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote : Yes

AT INDO-PAK WAR......!!!!

Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the Pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets.The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn. Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani! (mosquito net). He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The Pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal.

His freinds ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?"
Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte, goli
kahan se ghussenghi?

In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me to itni thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chale gaya"

Gani Singh replies "aare yaar main tho "Odomos" lage ke gaya tha"!

HEIGHTS OF REVENGE.......!!!!

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He getsvery irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand.
He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE ......... !!!!!

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.

He says, "Are Banta Singh! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ?I was enjoying my ride down there ?"

Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.* "

CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR ....!!!!!!

Sardar was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air- india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat.

But the sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave".
The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and requested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. what he told to the sardarji.

Capt. replied: "nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."

COLOR TV ......!!!!!!

Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

CROCODILE BOOTS ......!!!!!!

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefeet!"

LONG FLIGHT .....!!!!!!

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," comes an answer.
"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!

TRAIN TO LUDHIANA ......!!!!!!!

Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?"
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

Some Interesting Things

Apni aaisee wife hoo

apni aaisee wife hoo
5'6" jiski height ho
Jeans tight tight ho
Chehra jiska bright ho
Umar 22 se 27 ho
Aise apni Wife ho

Sadak per sab kaheN kya cute ho
Bhir me sab kaheN side ho, side ho
Pindi, Islamabad ya Peshawar ki paidaish ho
Sas ki khidmat jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho

Padosi jab baat karay to haath me knife ho
Dinner ke waqt candle light ho
Ham me tum me kabhi na koi fight ho
Milnay ke baad dil delight ho
Aise apni Wife ho

LARKI KA JAWAB

6'-6'2" jiski height ho
jeans dheeli magar body tight ho
bewi ka her nakhra uthaye, itna mizaaj uska light ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

uff tak na kare itna quiet ho
dinner banaye wo jab bhi romantic night ho
shopping ker ke jab bhi aoon, bolay begum tum kitni nice ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

mujhay rani bana ker rakhay, to phir zindagi delight ho
saas sussar ke samne kahay, jaan tum hamesha right ho
hamesha jo haar maan jaye, jab bhi kabhi fight ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

jaha chahoon jaoon, jo chahy karoon, kuch is tarah ki life ho
her doosray week ghoomne phirne ki flight ho
aisa ho jaye to mein urron aasman mein, jaisay ke kite ho
husband apna aisa bright ho

Just loook at my "What-u-call-it"

If you love someone
Go get it ( Visa Power)

Want to propose a girl
Just do it (Nike)

Before going to propose to a girl
Believe in the best ( BPL)

Not satisfied with your dates
Yeh dil maangey more ( Pepsi)

If you are going to propose a girl
Chances are ... 50-50 (Britannia)

Those who succeed in love always say
We dream because we do (Daewoo)

A guy having a number of girl friends

Complete man (Raymond)

If a girl slapped you when you proposed her
Take it easy (Limca)

If you get married to a girl of your mother's choice...
Jiyoo merey laal (Brook Bond)