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See the nude on page three. THE MAD TIMES  Hmmm ... I think I'll go home.
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Mook News Updates


... Mook product announcement expected soon
... Mook reproduces
... Mooks bunker down for final mixes
... Mooks Hit recording studio
... Mooks to play Polish club in September 2000
... First hitout for 18 months
... 5 new songs and some tasty covers.
... Songs from Slivovitch fueled evenings.
... Mooks to audition 3rd drummer and contemplating the need to breed one to avoid future inconvenience.
... Scandanavian Mook returns to the fold bearing gifts of cold fish and fideley bits.



SPORT DIVISION

FOOTY

13 Oct 2001

Silvagni bows out

Carlton Blues champion and Fullback of the Century Steven Silvagni, has announced his retirement from AFL football. The 312 game veteran’s announcement was expected, injury forcing him to retire from the game he’s served faultlessly over a 16-year career. In a pre-prepared statement issued by the Carlton club, a hip injury that could cost him the ability to walk forced Silvagni from the field and into an assistant coaches role at Optus Oval. "Stephen Silvagni is one of the greatest ever players to represent the Carlton Football Club and indeed to ever play the game, and we are delighted he will continue his involvement with the Club in a coaching capacity," said Blues President UMOOKU. "This will see Stephen in the role of an assistant coach in the development and skills area, working with our senior coach Wayne Brittain, in a similar capacity to other former great Carlton players Stephen Kernahan and Greg Williams." "He will leave a massive hole", said coach Wayne Brittain. "He was the best tall defender that I have ever seen play the game."

Man wins tipping comp

Crowd screams for more.

Rank (LW) Points  Name Comments
1. (1) 125 umooku In which man proves that tipping the mighty ones week to week is good footy karma. Bandwaggon jumpers welcome. No prizes for second. Redman to receive draft concessions.
2. (1) 123 howie9 ...and the season slams into another one
3. (3) 120 westbrooktony  
4. (4) 117 robbiemc CONGRATS UMOOKU-ALL OTHERS ARE TRULY NOT WORTHY;WE BOW TO YOUR SUPERIOR PICKERS.Do I get anything, I did finish in front of all Cruikshanks, that's gotta be good for footy. Howies leg to be amputated-he'll only need one Hush Puppy.Peg-leg Pearce.Heave ho
5. (5) 116 g_cru  
6. (6) 113 bigstar  
7. (7) 112 maggotman The late surgence of maggotman leads to prophecies of Collingwood victory in 2002. By the way 10/02 2001 is pallidromic day here in the US and last happened when it didn't exist in 08/13 1380. This information was bought ot you by Nostradamus Taliban F.C.
8. (7) 110 Domob  
9. (9) 106 TBird502  
10. (11) 101 janigg  
11. (10) 100 Redmook  
    Total Tipsters: 11 Comp Round Avg: 1.27  My Season Avg: 4.81
   
<Previous Week


The MOOK CHESS
Championship.

Karpov is still the current MOOK chess trophy holder.
Chess Feedback

FEATURES

-- DE-NAFF --
presents
P.Penrose's World of Modern Culture
--------------------------------------------


Letters


Peace in the holy land ?

An outbreak of peace between Israel and the Palestinians would be good news, but I'm afraid that these terrorists have their own hatred of the free people of the world. Peace in the Middle East is still a long way off and there are many issues that still have to be settled. A cease fire is still a long way from peace, but it is a step in the right direction. I've seen this happen before. Someone fires a shot and it starts all over again. Osama Bin Laden has his own beef with the U.S. and it will take more than peace between Israel and the Palestinians to satisfy him.

W Izzamma

Man coughs in subway and looks around for a crop duster with a turban on it,hmmmmmmmm, cwazy times right now in US, man follows argument to logical extreme and forsees dark age where vegetarians are now classed as rockeaters and women get around in heshen sacks. The true question is are we already in a dark age. In the Annals of Collingwood history most defineitly and according to the Koran, but what does Lou Richards think?


Reg Crimbly
North Eastwick.

I fear the worst and shall share my last can of bully beef and cigarette with my mate .. check...

Yours
digger.

F%#*&n Typical

Thanks for your fine paper's timely report on the farcical public transport ticketing system. The public transport system in this state is totally jeffed.

Reg Klompf
Brunswick

Bob 1.

Your editor must think he's bleedin' P.M. using the bard's words like they were his own.

Sigmund Barchester esq.
Grimsby
England.

Bob 2.

A man like Bob should be P.M.

Oliver Krummp.

Bob 3.

A man like me should be P.M.

Bob.

Bob 4.

There is but one Bob.

Rev.

Masters of War

What has happened to the goverment's promise to deal with the arm's trade? Why are some of the weapon's (e.g. The Kalashnikov AK) in the hands of terrorists being source from factories / businesses resident in the countries of the so called 'alliance against terrorism' ? What is going on here ? What is this madness ? Can we trust the clowns that are our world leaders pretend in our struggle ?

Oliver Pimble
Brunswick West.



FINANCE DIVISION

Which Bank Robbery?

Hobart band, THE RESERVES , have had their profit of $16.24, over the life of the band, stolen from them by what was once The Commonwealth Bank Of Australia. A bank representative said that the account had been eaten up by fees. Apparently in this so called age of progress it is impossible for a sophisticated bank computer system to keep track of business accounts with modest amounts of money.

Despite representations by the band's financial agent, no trace of the the missing account or funds has so far been found. Apparently the contract with the bank was "Limited time, Conditions Apply" and not the fufillment of your dreams as their advertising falsley promises.



NEWS DIVISION.
ROCK STARS PUNISH FANS
Metallica doesn't hesitate to litigate. In addition to their high-profile case against Napster, the band has sued Victoria's Secret for copyright infringement and Amazon.com for distribution of an unauthorized collection of early demos.


He needs assistance.

Practice time - man belts out a tune.

ROCK STARS PUNISH MANAGER
Hey Mook doesn't hesitate to litigate. In addition to their high-profile case against MookINC, the band has sued UMOOKU for copyright infringement and for distribution of an unauthorized collection of early demos
BAND PUNISHES BASS PLAYER
THE RESERVES don't hesitate to litigate. The band has sued UMOOKU for copyright infringement and for distribution of an unauthorized collection of early demos. 

MAN SEES BOB

Melbourne (Aus). A Brunswick man was recently reported to have seen Bob during one of his recent appearances. The man said he had enjoyed the appearance and intended to model Hey Mook around his band and touring life. Bob was said to have performed a number of songs which included 'Blind Willy McTell' and 'It's all right Ma, I'm only bleeding.' Subsequent to his spotting of Bob the man was relieved of the onerous duties of band management.

For those who think the honesty of death won't come upon them eventually, life somtimes must get lonely (ed.).

Kabul gets Jeffed.

Kabul, the so called called 'terrorist capital of the world' is getting its comeuppance courtesy of a thorough Jeffing from Allied Bombers Inc. After nearly 800 years of being regularly Jeffed by World Superpowers it seems that there is to be no let up for the people of this city. The odds on the local militia, who were not considered a chance by most punters at the start of the campaign, have shortened considerably following stout resistance. 'Highly underrated' said Reg Krimbly of West Eastwick, who has put a tenner on the local team.

Kim gets mocked.

Kim, who is believed to be the leader of an Major Australian Political Faction, was today mocked by his rival, a Mr Peter Costello who is an alleged ring leader in the conspiracy against The Australian General Public called The Australian Government. Mr Costello barracks for Essendon and was believed to be in a state of severe shock following their capitulation in the 2001 AFL Grand Final which they were widely tipped to win.

Kim was mocked for his efforts in producing a relatively simple diagram which attempted to illustrate his Knowledege Nation Policy. Peter, being an accountant by trade, failed completely to grasp the validity of Kim's logical and orderly methodology. The plan was produced by one of the countries' foremost intellectuals.

Another example of this extreme behaviour from the alleged treasurer is a notorious savage attack in parliament against a member who used a whiteboard, widely believed to be a common practice amongst many a very clever person.

In another related attack Kim was also abused by our leader for being so weak as to having once upon a time given consideration to a policy option before making a decision on it's implementation.

PLANNING DIVISION

...ERROR >> SYSTEM SCRAPPED BY GOVERNMENT.

Kennett Rorts System

Recent information attained from an unmamed source from the Victorian Government's Fare Enforcement Squad has revealled corruption in the tendering process for the privatised version of the Met's automated ticketing system. As you would expect details of the tendering process are concealed under the spurious veil of commercial confidentialty. Despite a highly competitive tender from a Telsta related company that featured up to date technology the government opted for an inferior supplier because they were mates of Jeff.

SOURCE : Gossip and Hearsay ....



Technology Division


Photography

Robert Zimmerman

Bob as pictured in Important Melbourne Newspaper (IMN) The AGE.
Image captured at an appearance in Adelaide, Australia in 2001 ad.

Damn you, Master's of War .... This is a far better effort than the collection of blurry dots that was passed off as a photo of Bob by alleged international photographer UMOOKU in 1978. UMOOKU, who has been reported to be involved with notorious International Rock Superstars - Hey Mook - in a dodgy management scam, claims to have seen Bob during the rain in Melbourne, Australia. UMOOKU and an unknown associate, reportedly made the pilgrimage from Hobart, Tanzania. They apparently had no trouble with airport security during their escapade.
The offending photo has been examined by experts who all agree it is a fake. Most agree it is an 'outrageous fraud' and consequently it has been universally condemned. President Bush of The United States, who claims to believe in Bob, vowed to smoke the perpetrator of this outrage out of his hole and chase him around for a while before "kicking his butt".

Article by
P. Penrose
Art Critic.

More Guns

The world needs more guns and big business is clamoring for the spoils. Good luck to those prudent investors who bought armament stocks. God is on your side.

World Wide Weakness

The security of the World Wide Web has been seriously compromised by conforming to technical standards inherited from the technologies developed to enable the fast download of pornographic material. Australian web giant MookInc is stopping the rot by featuring nothing but wholesome family orientated material.


Advertising Division.

'Love will get you like a case of Anthtrax'

A very popular band.

For a limited time : 10 day supply of Cipro only $80.00 ! Call Toll Free 1-888-647-6527

Beware! Unlike Anthrax which can only be created in lethal quantities by clever international scientists, Love is a naturally occuring phenomenom which is known to strike without warning.

Community Anouncement (ed.)

We really don't have a clue.

Top Ideas • Online Gambling • Web Hosting • Debt Consolidation • Casinos • Sportsbooks • Wagering • Poker • Credit Card Debts • Roulette • Betting • Data Recovery • Moving • Slots • Incorporation • Term Life Insurance • Merchant Accounts • Debt Reduction • Black Jack • Home Equity Loans • Commodities Online Gambling Casinos, Sportsbooks, Wagering, Poker, Roulette, Betting, Slots, Black Jack, Baccarat, Craps Finances Debt Consolidation, Credit Card Debts, Merchant Accounts, Debt Reduction, Home Equity Loans, Commodities, Debt, Bad Credit, Insurance, Futures Business Incorporation, Merchant Accounts, Business Opportunities, Printers, Home Businesses, Marketing, Packaging, Credit Cards, Franchise, Fundraising Health Viagra, Dental Insurance, Health Insurance, HGH, Contact Lenses, Weight Loss, Diets, Skin Care, Hair Loss, Vitamins Computers Web Hosting, Data Recovery, LCD, Help Desk, Shrink Wrap, Ink Cartridge, Domain Names, Toner, Ink Jet, Security Internet Web Hosting, Domain Hosting, Web Site Promotions, Affiliate Programs, Ecommerce, Domain Names, Internet Businesses, Advertising, Website Design, Webmasters Home Moving, Home Equity Loans, Mortgages, Relocation, Home Improvement, Mattress, Rugs, Construction, Real Estate, House Real Estate Moving, Home Equity Loans, Mortgages, Home Loans, Refinance, Office, House, Leasing, Home Buying, Apartment Insurance Term Life Insurance, Car Insurance, Health Insurance, Travel Insurance, Home Insurance, Business Insurance, Cleaning Marketing Internet Advertising, Affiliate Programs, Mailing Lists, Lead, Advertising, Telemarketing, Promotions, Press Releases, Traffic, Direct Mail Online Shopping Contact Lenses, Shopping Carts, Cigars, Flowers, Promotional Products, Labels, Office Supplies, Shades, Fragrance, Cigarettes Autos Car Insurance, Auto Loans, Safety, New Cars, Car Rentals, Used Cars, RV, Trucks, SUVs, Auto Lease

Daryl Rimple Plumbing

A top job every time. Mates rates. No worries. Satisfaction for all. 24 hour service. Free Quotes. All warranties. Expert opinions. Professional attitude. Smiles all round.

Phone 999 999 999 anytime.

The values you seek are worthless to us.
Limited time ..... Conditions Apply.

Witch Bank ?

LARF DIVISION
 
MOOKEMON

MOOKEMON

Follow the adventures of the Mooks as they enter the world of Rock and Roll. Scroll down page and click on links. Complaints, suggestions (and compilments) accepted at the Mookemon Feedback page.
Tell it to the world : Sign Guestbook View Guestbook
Latest Episode - MOOKEMON # 31 - in which a story is told.

 
   
   
- COMING SOON
---------------------


NetSpam Presents ... MOLLY WATCH


Molly Watch

The story so far ....

Follow the outrageous adventures of Molly as he shapes the future of Australian music and popular culture.

Pay tribute to the man who has enriched our culture like no other ever has before. See pictures. Experience the night life. Pay homage to Molly's wonderful record collection. Help him paint his fence.

Make it to the top. Take drugs. Stay up late. Hang out with the stars. Wear a big hat. Get excited.

Don't MOCK - Contribute.
Send your recollections, memories and anecdotes now or be forever condemmed to the dustbin of history.

Who is Molly ? What drives this human dynamo ? Hmmmmmmm ... first known to his mum and dad as a small child Molly grew up and decided to become a rock star. Being a musician was too difficult so he decided to become a producer instead and got lucky early. Then he got a job on the scene at a trendy modern music magazine called GoSet. He wrote many informative articles and developed a style all of his own.

However hack journalism was not to be his future. Molly's bubbly personality soon got him an important job on telly on a government funded teenage bopper chart topper show called COUNTDOWN. The show became a fixture and he was the man. Woe betide the aspiring musician who was rude to Molly. One day a naughty man called Chris misbehaved on his show and his band The Saints was never really heard of again in this country. So to with upstarts like The Clash and Graham Parker and tired old stars like the one whom they call Brian who all got a serve from Molly. The environment was created for the immense talents of the likes of Air Supply, Ferret and Sherbert and International Superstars like Yellow Dog and Pussyfoot to enrich our lives.

Time went by and we all got a little bit older.

Being a clever guy he got out of the public eye before he got too stale and tired. He spent time at home in his big Richmond mansion on the couch in recovery and barracked for The Saint's on weekends.

Just when we are all wondering where he is he bobs up again, looking fabulous, with a new show full of modern music that we would have never heard of if he hadn't gone to the trouble of ferretting it out for us. What a legend. Once more our dull drab lives were enriched.

Despite becoming part of our lives and sharing his recollections on various recent government versions of history he has not let the grass grow under his feet as still bobs up every now and then.

If you see Molly let us know. It is terrible the way, despite his big achievments he is sometimes ignored and not taken seriously, often by quite untidy people and mooks. Stop the rot.

Call us now on (03) 96261600.

Killed by the mix
Stories of Hobart's Independent Music Scene

********************

Readers Digestive and Businesses Review Weakly
Present
A bridge over troubled waters
( The MOOK management SAGA ]
*******************
*
Kellogs present.
Mr APM gets even.


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