(First, the opening song starts)
Now for the episode itself Narrator: The story starts with our messed up hero ass...err I mean Ash Ketchum, watching his TV.
this starts playing in the gackground
TV announcer: Oh, it seems like Nidorino is really getting his ass kicked by Gengar today. Ooh, that must hurt (a Nidorino falls the ground bleeding) and Nidorino is down for the count, what will this trainer use next?
Trainer on TV: Damnit Nidorino return, Onix come on out and send Gengar to hell
(Onix attacks and Gengar dodges).
TV announcer: Oh it looks like Gengar is moving very swiftly today, will he stand a chance against Onix or...
(Ash's mom, Delia Ketchum, comes in and turns off TV)
note that the BGM at this point finishes
Delia (Ash's mom, remember that): Ash, what the hell are you doing up this late?
Ash: I'm just too damn excited to sleep, tomorrow is the big day when I get a Pokémon to enslave.
Delia: Well then at least watch this (turns the TV back on and Professor Oak appears on the TV screen).
Oak: Welcome young trainer, I'm Professor Oak and tomorrow is. the day you will get your first Pokémon. There are 3 starter Pokémon to choose from, Bulbasaur a grass Pokémon, Charmander a fire Pokémon, and Squirtle a water Pokémon (which we all know kicks the other 2 pokemon's asses) which Pokémon will it be, you decide
(Delia turns off the TV).
Delia: Ok now get your ass to bed you don't want to over sleep and wind up with a drug addicted Pokémon.
Ash: Ok mom if you insist (whispers), rotten slut.
Delia: What was that ash?
Ash: Uh, nothing mom.
Delia: That's what I thought.
(Ash goes to sleep)
Ash: (sleep-talking) Yeah, Bulbasaur kicks ass, I choose you Bulbasaur.
Bulbasaur: Bulba.
Ash: No, Charmander he is the best of them all (a Voltorb shaped alarm clock falls into ash's hand) I choose you charmander (throws what he thinks is a Pokéball)
Charmander: Char char.
Ash: No wait Squirtle, Squirtle kick the most ass, I choose you Squirtle.
Squirtle: Squirtle-squirt (Ash continues to sleep until morning).
The next morning Dodrio: Chirp, chirp, chirp (Ash wakes up and finds his alarm clock broken).
Ash: Oh damnit, I'm late! (runs outside in his pajamas toward Oaks lab)
Gary: Well look what we have here, it's dumb ass Ash.
Ash: Gary, am I late?
Gary: You sure are, I've already gotten my first Pokemon and since Oak is my grandpa I got the best one there is.
Ash: Say, Gary...
Gary: Yeah, what?
Ash: Exactly which Pokémon did you get?
Gary: None of your damn business.
Ash: Whatever, I'll still kick your ass (heads to the lab). Professor Oak, I'm sorry I'm so damn late but you must still have something left.
Oak: I hope you don't plan to train like that.
Ash: I overslept now can you please get the Pok�mon out.
Oak: Alright already, damnit you kids have no patience these days (pushes a button and three Pokéballs appear).
Ash: I thought about it long and hard and I think I'll choose Squirtle. (picks up Pokeball that says Squirtle and throws it) crap it's empty!
Oak: That one was taken by another trainer.
Ash: Oh well, in that case I choose Bulbasaur. (picks up Pokéball that says Bulbasaur and throws it) son of a bitch!
Oak: Oh well, you know what they the early bird gets the worm or in this case the Pokémon.
Ash: Fine then, I'll take Charmander. (picks up pokeball that says charmander and throws it) oh hell no, another empty Pokéball. Please professor, you got to have something else.
Oak: Well, there is one other option, but it's very dangerous and it takes steroids.
Ash: I don't give a damn get it out here now, I'm desperate!
Oak: Ok (pushes another button and a Pokeball with the Nazi swastika appears) (Ash throws the Pokeball and Pikachu comes out).
and this starts playing
Ash: Wow it's so damn cute (hugs it).
Oak: thats not a realy good idea
Pikachu: Pika-chuu (shocks Ash). the music comes to a hult
Ash: Damnit, what the hell was that for? (Ash slaps pikachu)
Oak: Alright now, here's your Pokedex and Pokeballs, oh and you will need these things for pikachu, cigarettes (gives a pack to Ash) steroids (gives him a bottle of steroids) Play Poké magazines (gives ash a few) and probably some other things now get the hell out of here (Pikachu shocks Oak and Ash, Oak faints).
Ash: What the hell was that for?
Pikachu: Pika (gives Ash the finger).
Ash: Damn you (pulls out knife) if you ever give me the finger like that again this will go up your throat.
Pikachu: Pika pika-chuu (shocks Ash).
Ash: On second thought, maybe not (puts knife away) (Delia Ketchum and the towns people show up).
Ash: Mom, what the hell are you doing here?
Delia: Oh, I'm just here to give you some stuff, now here's a pair of rubber gloves for dry cleaning, a condom for you to use when you're having sex with a girl, and...
Ash: Mom, I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself (heads off dragging pikachu)
and now this starts playing
Pikachu: Pika.
Ash: You know, if you would just cooperate I wouldn't have to do this. Tell you what, I'll take off the rubber gloves and rope that's on you if you obey me, ok? (takes off gloves and unties rope) there but why don't you get in the Pokéball like other Pokémon do you see it says so on the Pokédex.
Dexter (the Pokédex): When a Pokémon is enslaved by a trainer, they are to stay in their Pokéball except when let out.
Ash: See (Pikachu jumps up and pushes a button).
Dexter: However, some Pokémon are dumbasses and prefer to stay out of the Pokeball.
Ash: Well, Okay then in that case you can stay out of the Pokéball if you want.
Pikachu: Pi (they continue walking).
the music finishes around here
Ash: Woah, what the hell is that?
Dexter: Pidgey, the bird pokemon, It makes a great choice for a beginner trainer.
Ash: Ok, Pikachu go get it.
Pikachu: Pi (shakes head no).
Ash: Damnit Pikachu, what the hell is your problem? (Pikachu climbs up to a tree) fine, I'll get it myself (Ash takes out a pokeball and throws it at Pidgy, it moves back and forth a few times then Pidgy comes out the ball, and walks away)
music comes to a hult
Pikachu: he he he he
Dextor: as any smart trainer would know, you must battle and weaken the pokemon to catch it
Ash: oh now he tells me, say i know (takes out a blanket and stats to sneak up on the unsuspecting Pidgy, the Pidgy turns its head and sees Ash) the music here stops oh hello (Ash then holds the blanket over his head) your mine now! (Ash then covers Pidgey) alright...huh? (Pidgey creates small tornado to blow Ash away a little)
Dexter: Pidgey's attack gust creates a small tornado to blow others away.
Ash: Hey, what the hell? (spots a Rattata stealing food)
Dexter: Rattata are often found in the meadow and forests and are known to steel food from dumbass trainers.
Ash: Hey, does that mean I'm a dumbass? (Pikachu laughs hysterically) oh yeah, very funny. (looks around and spots another Pokémon)Hey, what's that? (throws a rock at it)
Dexter: Unlike Pidgey, Spearow are violent and when pissed off by a trainer they attack the trainers Pokemon for no good reason (Spearow starts attacking pikachu).
Ash: Hey, he didn't do anything to you (Pikachu shocks Spearow and nearly kills it) *music ends*
Spearow: Spear-ooh (a bunch of other Spearow appear and attack Ash and Pikachu).
Ash: Let's get the hell out of here Pikachu (Pikachu runs ahead of him) hey, who's side are you on?
The Spearows: Spear-ooh (Ash and Pikachu jump into a river).
Ash: Ahh (sees a Gyarados in the river and gets knocked on a line). *music ends*
Misty: Huh, I think I got a bite (pulls on the line). Hey, thats not a fish, it's just a dumbass boy...and a Pokémon. Oh, are you ok?
Ash: Yeah, I'm ok (Misty slaps Ash).
Misty: Not you dumbass, I mean your Pikachu. He looks terrible, you need to take him to a Pokémon center right away. (the Spearow start comming)
Ash: (spots misty's bike) I need your bike, it's an emergency. I'll give it back someday. (Ash runs off with the bike)
Misty: Hey, what the hell are you doing? Give me back my bike!
Ash: I'll give it back someday.
Misty: Ooh, I'll rip off your balls if you don't give it back
(Ash is running from the Spearow with Pikachu in the basket).
Ash: Err (the Spearow catch up and knock ash and Pikachu off the bike). *music ends for a moment* Please Pikachu, get inside the Pokéball, you'll be safe inside there (takes out Pikachu's Pokéball). Come on, get your ass inside, you rotten bastard. As for you Spearow, come and try to get me (they charge at Ash and Pikachu jumps up and kills most of the spearow). *music ends*
Ash: Thanks buddy, I guess tonight well be having fried Spearow (they spot a giant rainbow colored bird). Whoa, what the hell is that (pulls out the Pokédex).
Dexter: Not all pokemon can be identified, some are yet to be discovered (the bird flies away).
Ash: Woah, that kicks ass.
END of episode *music ends after "TO BE CONTINUED" display is shwon*
