The Odd Adventures of Haruka, Setsuna and Michiru
By Lady Grizabella
I’d like to dedicate this one to Emerald from my message board, who came up with the general idea. Sorry it’s so late!
Chapter 21
What Is That Annoying Laugh?! A Blast From The Past
It was one of those afternoons at our house. Normal, boring, predictable. I was on the sofa, trying to look cute in hopes of gaining Michiru’s attention. Michiru was flipping through a fashion magazine, successfully ignoring me. Setsuna was at the Time Gate, and as for everyone else…I had no idea. At least they weren’t here, that’s all I can say.
I decided to try out my feminine wiles by batting my eyelashes a little. "Michiiii…"
"No."
I flopped back against the sofa cushions. "Dang-it." I then heard the familiar whoosh of a time portal. "Good. Setsuna’s coming home. Maybe she’ll play with me."
Michiru didn’t take her eyes from her magazine. "Good luck."
The portal opened in the ceiling, but rather than Pluto spilling out haphazardly like she usually did, only her head and shoulders came through. Her head was turned around, yelling at something that was still in the portal. "Let me go!"
Michiru and I jumped up and looked at her oddly. "What’s wrong?" I asked, a bit alarmed.
"Help me!" she cried, extending her arms towards us.
I grabbed one of her arms and Michiru took the other.
Pluto yelled into the portal again. "Let go!" She appeared to be trying to kick her legs quite hard.
"Pull!" I ordered, and Michiru and I started to tug. Whatever was hanging on to Pluto was quite heavy and apparently not giving up.
"I’m afraid I’m going to pull her arm out of the socket!" Michiru exclaimed, already putting most of her weight on one of Pluto’s fragile little arms.
"I know, but her suit is starting to tear!" I had already thought to grab the back of her sailor suit and pull on that, but the last thing we wanted was for her to be naked and stuck in a Time Portal…although I bet we could have charged good money for viewing.
Finally, she started to slowly pull free.
"Just a little…mmh…more!" I leaned back so that all of my weight was on Pluto. With a pop, she came flying out of the portal and knocked into me with the force of a small torpedo. "UGH!"
Michiru went flying off to the side and I went down hard under Pluto. I groaned. "I get it. It’s a running gag sort of thing. Every time something comes out of a Time Portal it lands on me. Haha. Funny."
"Haruka, there’s a strange woman here!" Michiru exclaimed.
Pluto was suddenly pulled off of me, and I scrambled backwards on my butt in surprise.
Pluto was being hugged violently by a woman with long emerald green hair, wearing an emerald green dress, with an emerald green fan lying by her feet. She had her cheek pressed against Pluto’s, her eyes closed in happiness. "My sister!"
Pluto, meanwhile, was struggling for all she was worth.
Michiru gawked at the emerald woman who had dared to enter her domain. "And you are…?"
The emerald woman opened her eyes but didn’t release Pluto. "Emerald."
I couldn’t help but snort. "No, really."
She glared slightly. "My name is Emerald!"
Michiru and I looked at each other and started to snicker like bitchy schoolgirls. "Really, we should have guessed," I said, half-blinded by all the green.
"Can you let go of me now?" Pluto asked breathlessly.
Emerald obeyed. "Sorry, sister-dear. I was just so excited to see you!"
"Is someone going to explain this to us?" I demanded.
The woman suddenly seemed to notice me for the first time. She blinked and blushed and pulled Pluto close to her. "Who is that?" she whispered, not taking her eyes off of me.
I sweatdropped. I knew that look.
"That’s Haruka," said Pluto.
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"Um…Michiru’s." Pluto didn’t bother to correct my gender. It wouldn’t make much difference anyway.
Emerald stepped forward. "Well, that’s no problem." She headed over to me, pushing Michiru out of her way as she went. My Michi landed on the couch with a surprised yelp.
Once Emerald was in front of me, I narrowed my eyes. "I don’t like pushy women."
"What happened to Diamond?" asked Pluto, who was gently patting the sputtering Michiru on the back.
Emerald sniffed. "Dating Rubeus."
Pluto wrinkled her nose. "Eeeeew."
Emerald reached out and ran a finger down my chest (apparently too dim to notice the tell-tale lumps) and smiled. "So…"
Michiru made a very strangled sound in her throat, fire blazing in her eyes. She couldn’t seem to form words, so I made an attempt, nonchalantly removing Emerald’s grasping fingers from my behind. "None of this means anything to me. Excuse me, but…who the hell are you?"
Pluto sighed. "She’s an old villain of ours. She and her ‘family’ tried to take over Crystal Tokyo, but Sailor Moon and the Inners, with the help of Chibi-Usa, came to me at the Time Gate, and I sent them into the future so they could defeat the bad guys and save Crystal Tokyo and the present as well, only to come back to continue on as they were until Hotaru decided to raise hell and I resurrected you fine people." Pluto suddenly realized that she was basically the reason we existed at all and spent several moments staring at me strangely, but that’s beside the point.
Emerald nodded. "To make a short story long, that’s about right. But now I’m alive again, and I’m back! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
We all covered our ears accordingly.
"And ready to mate, I see," Michiru muttered through her teeth. She grasped Pluto by the arm. "I want her OUT of my house!"
Emerald glared haughtily at my lover. "I’m staying here with my sister and the dreamboat. You leave." She tossed her hair.
"How dare you!" Michiru reached into her pocket for her transformation pen.
"Bring it on!" Emerald snapped, reaching for her fan.
"Hold it, ladies!" I stood between them, and they both grasped hold of my arms possessively and started a glaring contest. I flinched and tried to shake them off, feeling like I needed a little bit of space. I appealed to Pluto, who was barely paying attention, having become distracted by the swaying pendulum of the grandfather clock. "Um…princess? Do you think you could try to stay in my reality for a few minutes before I lose you completely? We have a bit of a situation."
Pluto snapped out of her trance and shrugged. "I guess I’ll show Emerald to Hotaru’s old room. I don’t think she’s going to leave, at least not tonight." She pried Emerald’s hand off of my arm and pulled her towards the hallway. "Come on, I’ll show you where you can rest. You’ll need your energy to pursue Haruka."
Once they had gone, I looked at Michiru. "She’s gone. You can stop defending your territory now."
Michiru shook her head, her lips pursed, her grip not loosening.
"Really. You’re aware of how much I love you, right?"
It still took several kisses and promises for the night to come to get Michiru to surrender my arm again. Even then all she would say is, "I want her OUT of my house!"
* * * * * * * * * *
Setsuna came out of Hotaru’s room with a yawn. "What’s for dinner?"
"Setsuna!" Michiru attacked her so quickly, she practically snatched Setsuna right off her feet.
Depositing her on the couch, we loomed over her with our arms crossed. "Okay, Setsuna…spill!" I said.
Setsuna shrunk back against the sofa, gazing worriedly up at us. "Are you going to steal my star seed?"
Michiru and I looked at each other and then back at our friend. "Oh boy…" I said. "You didn’t die again, did you? You always act more and more dim every time you die and come back to life. Please tell me you didn’t die?"
She shook her head. "No, but being in the same vicinity as Emerald will start to make you think you have. Sorry." She shook her head to clear it, trying to achieve enlightened Pluto consciousness. "This is bad. All I know is that I was on my way home in the portal and she attached herself to me. I knew who she was instantly, but it was too late to stop the transport. I don’t know why she’s alive again. My only guess is the same reason I’m alive. She’s been reborn again and again and again…"
I paled. "You’re not telling me that you’re going to be like her if you keep dying? That laugh…"
Setsuna shrugged.
"I want her OUT of my house!" Michiru’s contribution.
Setsuna continued. "So she was sucked through the time stream with me, and here she is. I don’t know what she was doing in the stream. My guess is that someone stashed her there. The odd thing is that she thinks I’m her sister."
"Are you?" I asked. We were always trying to figure out just where Setsuna had come from originally.
"No. I think it’s the hair. Her hair’s green, and mine is almost green. Close enough."
"Huh." That’s all I could think of to say.
* * * * * * * * * *
Until we could think of something better to do, we figured we would have to make the best of the situation. Setsuna tried to be a good hostess, which included making dinner (spaghetti, the one thing she had figured out how to make on her own), and renting a movie.
Michiru wanted nothing to do with any of it and shut herself in our bedroom, and I tried to keep a low profile as well. I know it was hard for Michiru to ignore her natural love for hostessing, but she would be quickly reminded that Emerald was no ordinary guest as the woman slunk by our door in an attempt to get my attention, which she repeated every half an hour. We were basically prisoners in our own room. Meanwhile, Setsuna was doing a champion job of entertaining the freaky woman on her own. She was, after all, Emerald’s "sister", so it was really up to her.
"I don’t even like the girl!" Setsuna would wail later whenever someone brought up the subject.
* * * * * * * * * *
Later that night, after Emerald finally stopped tormenting Setsuna with her laugh and went to bed, Michiru and I tried to settle down for the night. I turned off the lights and burrowed down under the covers with a sigh. Michiru curled up tight next to me and we closed our eyes, well on our way to dreamland.
After what felt like moments, I heard Michiru yell in surprise, followed by the sensation of someone wrapping her arms and legs firmly around me. I squeezed my eyes tight and prayed, "Please let it be Setsuna sleepwalking again…please let it be Setsuna sleepwalking again…"
"Let’s cuddle. Hahahahahahahahaha!"
"Why didn’t you lock the door?" wailed Michiru from her place on the floor.
"I did!" I howled, struggling for all I was worth.
"I can’t live like this!" sobbed Michiru.
In hopes of avoiding molestation, I managed to plant my feet against Emerald’s stomach and pushed with all my might. She fell backwards onto the bed, giggling with delight. She must live for the pursuit.
"HAHAHAHAHAHA-AWK!!!"
There was a loud crack and Emerald instantly dropped to the floor like a rock. Michiru and I looked towards the dark figure sillouetted by the light from the hallway. "You killed her," I said.
Setsuna fidgeted uncomfortably, shifting the Time Staff from one hand to the other. "I didn’t mean to hit her that hard."
Michiru picked herself up from the floor. "I wouldn’t worry. She’s breathing. In fact, she looks pretty happy. I think it’s going to take more than that to stop this…this…whatever she is."
I grabbed Michiru’s hand. "Let’s get out of here! We’ll find a place to hide where she can’t find us. She’ll have to give up eventually and then maybe she’ll go home."
* * * * * * * * * *
Not long after, the three of us were piled into the car and driving through the night. We weren’t sure what our destination was, but for the moment it didn’t seem to matter. Michiru was hoping for a nice hotel, but due to our sad monetary status, I was thinking that camping was more likely. Setsuna, meanwhile, fell asleep in the backseat, completely un-phased by the whole ordeal.
I was starting to feel groggy and tired of driving (which is saying something) when Michiru decided she needed a rest stop. I pulled into the parking lot of an all-night fast food restaurant and put the car in park. "I don’t think I need to go. All I want to do is go to bed."
"You stay here with Setsuna and rest for a minute. There are a lot of people inside. I should be fine." Michiru didn’t even bother opening the door of the convertible; she just climbed right over it and skipped inside. Apparently fleeing in the dead of night gave her energy, unlike those of our party in the backseat who just flipped over, snored, and slept on.
Minutes passed and I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel. "What on earth is she doing in there? Did she fall in?"
"Huzzat?...Mmh…Zzzzz…"
"You girls and your bathroom habits! Why can’t you just be in-and-out about it for once?"
My communicator beeped. "Brilliant. What else can go wrong tonight?" I yawned and spoke into my communicator. "This is Uranus, fleeing in the night. Go."
"Hi cutie! Hahahahahaha!" Emerald’s open mouth took up most of the view screen as she threw her head back and laughed.
I glared. "What are you doing with a communicator? Only we have communicators! You’re going to have to find some other communication device, because I’m going to ignore you if you call again. Now go back where you came from and let us get on with our lives!" Emerald was pretty enough, but I really couldn’t live with that laugh another minute.
Emerald smirked. "Where did I get the communicator? Ask your ex-girlfriend!" The laughing commenced as I smacked my forehead.
"Crap. Where is she, Emerald?"
She sobered up slightly. "Come to the Love-Love All-Night Wedding Chapel. It’s just down the road several miles. You can’t miss it. Bye-Byeeee!" She clicked off.
I sat for several seconds, pondering this. "Setsuna, when did we get to Vegas?"
"Are you getting married?" Setsuna sat up and rubbed her eyes.
"Not if I can help it."
She climbed over the front seat and settled herself next to me as we took off. After some moments of silence she ventured to ask, "Emerald isn’t planning on marrying Michiru, is she?"
I smacked my forehead again and ran my hand down my face. "That would top this evening off nicely, wouldn’t it?"
"Well, if Emerald does make one of you get married, you should at least let me go home and whip up a quick wedding dress for the bride…or brides. You shouldn’t be married in your jeans." Setsuna nodded decidedly and gazed at the lights from the Vegas-like strip we were driving through. I, meanwhile, drove and tried not to hurt her.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Love-Love All-Night Wedding Chapel wasn’t hard to find, as Emerald had noted. It was the most garishly lit-up building I’d ever seen, with huge neon glowing church bells and what seemed to be a geisha and a samurai made out of lights, getting married in their neon glory right there on the roof of the chapel. Setsuna gawked at it, apparently mesmerized by the horror. "Is that Elvis hiding under the geisha’s kimono?"
"I don’t want to know. Let’s get inside, rescue Michiru, and get the hell out of here!" I hoisted myself over the car door and headed towards the chapel.
I burst inside the door, ignoring the confetti that fell down on my head. "Stop, you! Don’t move! Tell me where Michiru is!" I demanded, pointing a finger at Emerald, who stood by the altar where a minister…or some guy willing to perform a wedding ceremony…waited.
Emerald, who was draped in a (green) wedding gown, uncrossed her arms long enough to point to the side. "She’s there."
Michiru was sitting on one of the shockingly pink pews, bound and gagged. When she saw me, she struggled against her bonds, squeezing her eyes shut tight with the effort. I stared, letting my hentai fantasies take hold for a brief moment, before reaching into my coat pocket for my transformation pen. "Uranus Planet Power Ma-…!"
Emerald threw her fan at me like a boomerang and it struck me in the hand. "Oww!" The pen flew from my grasp and clattered across the floor. It came to rest next to a familiar aquamarine pen, which I figured had been lost in the same manner.
"Sorry cutie, but I don’t feel like fighting tonight. Let’s just stay together!" She clasped her hands and smiled happily. Then before I could move, she had pounced on me and started to pull me towards the altar.
I struggled for all I was worth, but as she had the heightened strength of her villainous status, and I couldn’t transform, I didn’t have much of a chance. I decided that if she was going to get me up there, she would have to physically drag me - across the floor on my butt.
"Stop, you!"
Emerald turned around in irritation. "Why does everyone keep saying that tonight?" Then she realized who it was. "Oh, Setsuna! Sister-dear! I’m so glad you could come for my wedding!" She wrapped her arms firmly around me and tried to lift me to my feet.
Setsuna quirked an eyebrow. "Emerald, do you realize that Haruka is a girl?"
Emerald looked down at me. "Oh."
I breathed a sigh of relief, but then gave a dry sob when the woman only held me tighter.
"It’s not usually my preference," she said, "but for this hottie I think I can make an exception."
"Mfhhhh!" Michiru still hadn’t stopped struggling.
While Emerald wrapped some rope around me to help deter my flailing arms and legs, Setsuna transformed. "Pluto Planet Power, Make-UP!" She took a step towards Emerald with her Time Staff lowered, but Emerald wasn’t having any of it.
"Stay busy for a few minutes, sister-dear, while I finish preparing for the ceremony." She waved her fan towards Pluto and the worst thing that could have appeared did - a small clock with a swinging pendulum, hovering in the air, right in front of Pluto’s face. Pluto’s eyes grew large and gradually unfocused as the pendulum swayed back and forth…back and forth....
"Pluto, don’t look!" I cried.
"Puuuuth!" came from Michiru.
"I’m…sor…ry…" said Pluto, her head moving slightly from side to side as she watched.
I gulped, rather alarmed at how easy it had been to take down the mighty Sailor Pluto. "And I thought only we knew that trick…"
Emerald grabbed me by my tightly tied arms and pulled me to my feet. "Let’s get this wedding going!" She turned to the minister.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today…"
There was a high pitched scream as Michiru threw herself from the pew onto the floor and landed with a thump.
"It’s okay, love!" I called. "I won’t let this-mmh!"
Emerald planted a hand over my mouth. "Get on with it!" she ordered the minister.
He continued, rubbing his hands together as if he saw this kind of thing all the time and was dreadfully excited by it, and soon enough we came to the vows. "Do you take this man to be your husband?" he asked Emerald.
"Nnnnnmh!" said Michiru, moving inch by inch along the floor like a caterpillar.
"I do," said Emerald. I tried to give her fingers a bite, but she only winced and gave my rear a smack. "Wait until later!" she admonished.
"And do you take this woman to be your wife?" the minister asked me.
"Mmmm, MM! (Hell, NO!)"
"She does," said Emerald, giving me a loving yet violent squeeze.
Pluto’s eyes followed the clock, but one hand was moving slowly towards it with much effort.
"Then without further ado…"
Michiru screamed through her gag, the sign of Neptune appearing on her forehead.
"I now pronounce you…"
The clock shattered and Pluto sprang to her feet.
"Man and Wi-"
"Time STOP!"
Everything froze. I blinked and stepped away from the statue-like Emerald. Her hand was still in the air where she had been covering my mouth, and the minister’s mouth was open in mid-word. Michiru was also motionless, and looking more frightening than I had ever seen her. She was pulsing with aquamarine light, and her bonds had frozen in a state of explosion. The power of her planet must have made them explode. I then looked at Pluto. "Oh, damn-it Setsuna!" I ran towards her, wiggling out of the ropes as I ran.
"Wait!" Michiru had unfrozen and I stopped in my tracks and looked at her. "Don’t touch her!" she said.
Pluto looked strained and the Time Staff vibrated in her hands. She gasped for breath. "When I drop this and time starts again, throw me towards Emerald."
"Why?" I asked, my voice trembling.
"Be quick about it!" she gasped. She trembled and her fingers loosened.
"Suna!"
She dropped the staff, which hit the ground with a clank, before falling forward unconscious. Michiru ran and caught Pluto in her arms, hugging her tightly for a brief moment. Before she could buckle under Pluto’s weight, she thrust Pluto towards the confused Emerald. "Catch!"
Emerald caught Pluto and the two of them disappeared in an instant. Michiru and I were left looking at each other in teary shock, and wondering what to tell the minister who looked like he could use a stiff drink.
* * * * * * * * * *
Michiru and I spent a quiet couple of weeks. After the wedding scare, we decided that having some alone time would be a good thing for our relationship, which had become even more lovey-dovey than before, if that were possible. But we missed having Setsuna around the house, and wondered if we were supposed to start mourning her passing.
"I wish someone would give us an estimated time frame for reincarnation," Michiru complained one day while studying herself in the bathroom mirror. "But I hope it’s sooner than later. If she comes back in forty years as her perpetual twenty-one, and I look like an old bag, I’m going to be very uptight." She poked at the non-existent shadows under her eyes.
We were also dying to know where Setsuna had taken Emerald. We figured it was wherever Setsuna went when she died, as Emerald seemed to have come from the same place.
That evening we sat side by side on the couch, having our silent reading time. We were almost ready to turn in for the night when the front door flew open. We jumped up, startled out of our wits, and faced the door. The figure that stepped through planted her hands on her hips and grinned at us.
"Pluto!" Michiru cried, holding out her arms.
But then Pluto threw back her head and started to laugh, and a very familiar laugh it was.
We froze and shook our heads in disbelief. "No way…"
Michiru clutched my arm. "She’s come back as…Emerald!"
I took a step backwards, holding Michiru tightly. "I knew someday she was going to crack once and for all! I knew it!"
Pluto stopped laughing and gazed evenly at us. "Kidding." She then headed off to her bedroom as if the whole thing had never happened.
I shook my head and looked at Michiru. "Let’s just go to bed. It’s been a hard month."
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