The Unwanted Weather Report
The Ignorant
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The Giant Pandas at the National Zoo
Giant Pandas at Smithsonian National Zoo
If you would like to help the Giant Pandas Survive in the wild, visit . . .
Get Involved for the Pandas
If you have any additional questions about the Giant Pandas, email pandas@fonz.org
BREAKING NEWS Bombing Saddam
On Friday, February 16 at approximately noon EST, the US launched an air attack on targets outside Baghdad. The targets included radar systems and air defense systems. The pentagon has stated that the attack was in response to an "increase in Iraqi activity to target coalition planes." To put it in terms we would understand, Iraq was becoming too prepared for war.
Baghdad went into immediate panic mode after the first bomb exploded. Iraqi youth television was interrupted immediately to play national songs, like Devil in a Blue Dress, Who Are You, and Thunderstruck. An announcer came on quickly stating, "Baghdad has come under attack by American Aggressors." He then added, "They killed Kenny. You Bastards!"
The move came as a surprise to many Americans and may shed some light on the President's strength . . . or his stupidity. Personally, I think he may be trying to finish off what his family started. Whatever happened to the clever assassins we used to have in the CIA? Why not send those guys over and get rid of Saddam? Problem solved. End Game. Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead. More on this story next week.
"I Have No Clue Who This Guy Is"
The secretary appointments that President-elect George W. Bush made have for the most part been approved. Bush decided to bridge the gap with his appointment of Secretary of Transportation Norman Mineta. Mineta served under Clinton as commerce secretary and early on Bush decided to keep a Democrat in a low ranking, no power position in his administration.
However, the gap that Bush is trying to close between Democrats and Republicans is being sprung open like the earth under India. Many think it is Congress that is causing the problems. But in truth it is the former president, or at least what people think of him. Congress, Attorney General Ashcroft, and a slew of other people have opened an investigation into one of Clinton's Presidential pardons. The senate has opened a hearing into the pardon of Marc Rich, stating that there are suspicions that Mrs. Rich (ex-wife) bought his pardon through contributions to President Clinton. So once again, it looks like Republicans are going after Clinton when there are more important matters at stake. President-elect Bush, himself, found the entire ordeal a little ridiculous. He stated that it was time to look forward and keep looking forward. And then he said, "Everytime I look back, I trip."
NASA Lands on Asteroid, Willis and Affleck OK!
The NASA Space probe NEAR, whose mission was to take pictures of an asteroid the size of Texas, successfully landed on the asteroid early this week. The NEAR was running on fumes and had completed its mission about two weeks ago. But scientists didn't want to let a perfectly good piece of equipment go to waste, so engineers at Johns Hopkins University were brought in to land the probe on the asteroid. The engineers, reportedly, studied the Atari game "Asteroids" to prepare for the monumental occasion in science.
The NEAR will relay photos taken of the asteroid back to NASA for further study. Liv Tyler was brought in to pray for the survivors of the unmanned spacecraft. While she was there, reportedly, NASA engineers found a more efficient way to eat animal crackers off her chest. The theory is still in the test stage. Scientists believe this study of the asteroid and landing will help if the need ever arises to deflect an asteroid from the path of Earth. That flushing sound in your head is the millions of tax dollars wasted.
No More Baywatch? Just Kill Me Now
After 11 years, and numerous running segments, Baywatch is being cancelled. The Babewatch series that started on NBC before moving over to syndication was at one time the most watched television program in the world. But after 11 years, various cast changes, a setting change, and lots and lots of plastic surgeries the show just didn't have the ratings or money to continue that it had years before.
Originally set on the sunny beaches of Southern California, Baywatch launched the careers of Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Yasmine Bleeth, Erika Eleniak, and Gena Lee Nolin. I mean, Baywatch and Playboy helped launch their careers. Of course, acting great and Knight Rider legend David Hasselhoff needed no help from the show with his tremendous acting capabilities. And let's not forget, he sings, too.
A publicist for Baywatch says the last episode will air May 21, 2001.