METRO Funny Page

Some quotes from lecturers:
- "I'd like to summarise, in just a few lines, how everything relates to everything else."

- "It will be due in the first Monday of week nine."

- "Three, minus four, plus one. Which, in this case, equals six"

- "Hmmm... looks like a period of six."

- "There's going to be six of them. That's just what I wanted to hear."

- "We'll continue with radians, because they're good for your health."

- "They have a particular design that is designed not to kill people living directly under them."

- "... like I do, you see loads of ghosts."

- "Music is moslty silence."

- "I've gotta divide the frequency scale into sixths here. 1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7.."

- "It becomes, like, really really bad."

- "I guess that's the best description of it... jangly."

- "What I mean by jangly is when you hit a triangle."

- "We have a curvy algorithm thingy that joins the dots."

- "It's a bit hard to imagine infinite height poles."

- "They're not really that nasty. They're actually quite interesting."



- "The default types are implemented in the compiler itself; they're magical."

- "I haven't put John in the letter, have I? He wouldn't fit."

- "The program will probably terminate some time before the sun collapses."

- "I've found a number that is larger than x, but is in fact not x."

- "I'm going to return myself."

- "Computers don't have heads."

- "I don't have any children, so I'm going to construct my first one."

- "The more you think about something, the more likely you are to get it wrong."



- "Come and take my kneecaps."

- "If you spend all day betting a dollar, you'll be there all day."

- "There's things different between two-up and blackjack."



- "It's an aeroplane!"

- "If the propellor was this big, the wheels would have to be on stilts."

- "So you're running along the runway..."

- "You don't need to be sitting on the ground to fly."

- "Check your sums to see if they're right, and if you can't find any mistakes, they probably are right... and strange things are happening."

- "... to address specific problems you have as individuals."

- "It starts shaking around, and trying to walk out the door."

- "You don't want your suspension system to be so silly that you keep going underground."

- "You're travelling around a radius of curvature, which hopefully is the same as the road you're trying to follow."

- "You'd have to sever your hand at the wrist somewhere."

- "The mass can change if things are falling off, or it's a rocket."

- "The trick, of course, is to make them simple enough, but not so simple that they become wrong."

- "There must be some reaction through the wheels to stop it disappearing."

- "Your car doesn't rotate."

- "Five equations, five unknowns. That should be a trivial mathematical problem."

- "You tend not to use rigid wheels on cars."

- "Most cars have four wheels."

- "I'll make these equals signs wiggly ones."

- "What sort of natural frequency would a body suspended on a bed actually have?"

- "... or what kind of vibrations in the bed; forced, excited, or normal..."

- "You don't have much choice. Either the wheels have to go up the hill, or fall off."

- "Mathematicians will try to convince you that there are square roots of negative numbers, but I think that they're just imaginary."

- "That's a beta. No, it's a theta. Actually, I think they call it phi."

- "... so it can move without you going with it, and your brains getting smooshed."

- "There's about two times infinity number of solutions, and it would take a long time to get them all with trial and error."

- "I had to get rid of it when the holes in the floor became so big that children could fall through them."

- "Fortunately, this happens when you've still got one bolt left. You've got time to stop, find all the other screws, put it back together, and get going again."

- "I can do this because my wife's Chinese, and I've had to eat with chopsticks for thirty years, otherwise I would have starved."

- "If you jump off a building with a cup of tea in your hand..."

- "We know the shaft's spinning, but the shaft doesn't care."

- "The movement of a con-rod is an unpleasant, complex process."



- "Where do the variables live?."

- "We need to find the fifth element."



And some from students:
- "You're going to be in nothingness, and then time's gonna smack you." - Matthew Green

- "The problem with Star Wars is you can't go anywhere as Jabba the Hut without being bashed." - Charles Meaney

- "You know what would be good? Lecturers with transparent heads." - Michael Davis

- "Everybody who dies is murdered." - Monte MacDiarmid

- "Everything's USB" - Monte MacDiarmid

- "We need a flying-fox in here." - Matthew Green

- "It's a square wave. It's going... up... and down... and..."

- "I like engineers too."



about us...
card discounts...
upcoming events...
minutes...
funny...
useful links...
contact us...


© 2002
Webmaster Zane Smith