Your FIRST stop for classy
gifts
on the
internet! 
Your FIRST stop for classy
gifts
on the
internet!
 |
GUARDIAN ANGEL PLAQUE
for the elegant front door decoration. Blesses the owner of the house with
good luck. Attractive and easy to mount with only a bachelor's degree in
architecture and a minor in construction. Requires fifteen ball-peen
concrete screws not included. 51KJ0K Guardian Angel Plaque  $15.98 |
 |
REAL ANGEL straight
from Heaven. God sent us these adorable real life angels. And we're
selling them really cheap! Each Angel comes complete with wings, halo, and
dog tags. May God bless you with one of his magnificent angels! Supplies
limited. R1P0FF Real Angel $39.99 |
 |
LATEX HEAD PROTECTION
UNIT developed for protecting scientist's head from dangerous fumes.
Lack of ventilation caused many fatalities but since we're overstocked,
we're slashing prices like crazy! Made from genuine latex
rubber. Y0UD1E Latex Head Protection Unit Was $2 Now $1 |
 |
PROFESSIONAL DRINK
DISPENSER used in many of the fancier hotels and exclusively by the
rich and glamorous, this one of a kind drink dispenser brings that much
needed touch of sophistication to any get together.
THAZ51K Professional Drink Dispenser $29.99 |
|
BABY SEAL
SEAT PILLOW stuffed full of authentic baby seal! Soft! Biodegradable!
Safe for the environment!
DED5EEL Dead Seal Seat Pillow  $10.99 |
 |
COW
BRAIN COZY is the perfect place to store that spare brain. Adorable
cow makes great gift too!
0H1CK Cow Brain Cozy $8.98 |
 |
MEN'S
CHEST ENHANCER used for years in England to enhance the chests of
nobility. Great price!
XDRE55 Men's Chest Enhancer $9.99 |
 |
FECES FACE
HAIR REMOVER™ used for years in French salons to remove unwanted
hair off face. Works instantly! Contains 100% human fecal
matter!
5H1T0NY00 Feces Face Hair Remover™ $21.95 |
 |
 |
BEAUTIFYING CATTLE
PROD helps remove unsightly blemishes and other skin problems with the
soothing power of all-natural 500°+ heating surface! Great for him and
her! 000UCH Beautifying Cattle Prod $20.90 |
 |
CONDOM VOMITING
PIG is a charming bedside companion that not only will amuse, but
helps promote safe sex. Buy one for the kids! They'll love the adorable
pink pig and its cute little rubbers! WR0N6 Condom Vomiting Pig $15.99 |
 |
CONDOM VOMITING
COW is just like the condom vomiting pig! It dispenses helpful
prophylactics, and looks darling on the night stand. Refillable. Adorable.
Buy one for Grandma too. WR0N62 Condom Vomiting Cow $15.99 |
 |
EVIL SPIRIT DEFLECTION
SHIELD is an easy to install way to prevent demonic possession at
home. Cleansing asbestos window clings ward off Satan's Hellspawn and help
keep you on the road to salvation. BOGU5 Evil Spirit Deflection Shield $15.98 |
|
DISPENS-A-MATIC™ is a helpful addition to any shower. At
the touch of a button, it dispenses handfuls of Wine, Pepto Bismol™, or
AntiFreeze (not included) which comes quite in handy.
W0RTHLE55
Dispens-A-Matic™
$15.99 |
 |
FRAN
ALLISON'S DIRTY PHONICS TV COURSE HOME VIDEO is the perfect way to
teach those kids to read, using phonics! Unlike other Phonics videos, Fran
keeps children's attention with obscene language and dirty jokes! Fun for
the whole family!
D1RTY Dirty Phonics Video $10.99 |
 |
THE MIRACLE
OF LIFE HOME VIDEO is sure to educate everyone on how a baby is born
from conception to birth. Hosted by Margot Kidder with commentary by Ned
Nedmiller, this originally aired on "Poorly Researched Theatre." Learn how
the umbilical cord is really a rubber band nose ring and much more in this
informative video!
CR0KA5H1T Miracle of Life Video $10.99 |
 |
AUTHENTIC
WHITE SLAVE is certain to bring hours of fun and entertainment! He
cooks and cleans and takes care of the kids! Supplies limited. Void where
prohibited by law. B0NDA6E White Slave $199.99 |
 |
 |
HEROIN USER
ARMBAND is an excellent and attractive way for the heroin addict in
your family to shoot up and look fashionable at the same
time. AD1CT Heroin User Armband $15.98 |
 |
COCAINE STORAGE
UNITS help the cocaine addict in your family to store their cocaine in
these delightful storage containers. ADD1CT Cocaine Storage Units $8.92 |
 |
DOOR JAM STICK-ON
STRIPS apply easily and quickly, sealing cold or warm air from
entering house. Also prevents door from being opened. Disembodied hands
not included. DEC1ET Door Jam Stick-On Strips $5.90 |
 |
CARAMEL-FLAVORED FLOOR
MAT tastes like rich, creamy caramel and helps prevent troublesome
slips and slides. Clings to nearly any carpeted surface.
D15GU5T Caramel-Flavored Door Mat $10.99 |
|
INTELLIGENCE ENHANCER utilizes the latest in blowdryer
technology to enhance your intelligence. Simply place this attractive cap
on your head, stick the dryer nozzle in the hole, turn on the hairdryers,
and you go from drooling ninny to Mathematical Genius in a matter of
minutes.
L1E5
Intelligence Enhancer
$25.89 |
 |
BODY
CONDOM can be worn over clothing to protect you from the dangers of
AIDS. Lubricated and also available ribbed. Please specify color (Black,
Green, Blue, Glo-in-the-dark, or Polka-Dot).
5TUP1D Body
Condom
$5.90 |
 |
IRON
PENDULUM combines household clothes iron with decorative pendulum that
will delight children and amuse visitors. Just turn the iron on, give it a
swing, and watch as gravity does a graceful dance for you. Iron, ironing
board and first aid kit not included.
DAN6ER0U5 Iron
Pendulum
$5.59 |
 |
HOLIDAY YARD
DECORATION is a festive way to celebrate any holiday whether it be
Christmas, St. Patrick's Day, or Yom Kippur. Simply have your name legally
changed to "Smith" and this rabbit will welcome every visitor on every
holiday.
JU5DUM Holiday
Yard Decoration
$8.99 |
 |