impatiently awaiting whether they are having a boy or girl.
The doctor comes out and asks the first guy, "Mr. Jenkin's where do you
work sir?" The nervous guy answers, "Why, I work at Double A recreations"
The doctor responds..."oh that's good because you have a pair of beautiful baby girls!"
The doctor asks the next guy, "Mr. Davidson, Where do you work?" The guy responds politely
"I work at Triple J Motors" the doctor says, "Oh good! you have three handsome baby boys!"
All of a sudden the last guy faints! The two guys and the doctor are surprised and rush to the last guy.
"Mr. Smith Mr. Smith! Get up Why did you faint?" asked the doctor. "Well doc you see, I work at 7-Eleven!" says the last guy.
Three men went to heaven. St. Peter let them into heaven and they started to walk off when St. Peter said that heaven is a very large place and that they should not walk. He said that you were given transportation according to how faithful you were to your spouse.
St. Peter ask all three of them "How faithful were you to your wife?"
The first man said,"I cheated on her about 7 times."
and St. Peter said "O.k. you get a 94 volvo."
The second man said, "I cheated on her about 3 times."
and St. Peter said "O.k. you get a 97 cadillac."
The third man said, "I have always been faithful."
and St. Peter said "O.k. you get a 2000 lamborghini."
The man in the lamborghini was seen sitting on the side of the road in his car crying. The other two men drove by and asked him "What was wrong, you got the best car of all?"
The man replied, "I just passed my wife. She was on roller blades."
There was a woman who had 3 daughters. One day the first daughter asked her mother, "Why is my name Daisy?" Her mother replied, "Because when you were born a daisy fell upon your tiny head." Then the second daughter asked her mother, "Why is my name Rose?" Her mother answered, "Because when you were born a rose fell upon your tiny head." The third daughter, hearing this, muttered something under her breath. "What?" asked her mother. The third daughter again said, "Hrehow thouwehera yseeeeeeeher." Her mother, frustrated at her daughters lack of speech skills, said, "Shut up, fridge!"
An old woman is riding an elevator in a very lavish New York
City Office Building.
A young and beautiul woman gets in to the elevator and smelling like expensive
perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly,
"Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly
turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old woman has reached her floor and is about
to get
off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the
eye,
she bends over,
and farts..........
and says,
"Broccoili - 49 cents an ounce."
There was this farmer that was really protective of his three daughters. In Fact , he always met their boyfriends at the door with a shotgun. At 5:30 Friday night , there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered it with his gun. The guy at the door said" Hello, my name is Eddie, Im here for Bettie, we're going for spagetti, Is she ready?". The farmer paused, then said "Ok, she's ready" . Another half hour passed and there was another knock. The farmer answered it with his gun again. The guy at the door said" Hello, my name is Joe, Im here for Flo, we're going to the show, She ready to go?". The farmer paused again and said"ya, shes ready". A half hour later, there was another knock. The farmer went to the door with his shotgun . The guy at the door said"Hello, my name is Chuck....." and the farmer shot him.....
Three guys had recently died and were awaiting entrance into Heaven. But St. Peter appeared and informed them that, unfortunately, Heaven was only allowing 33% of applicants in today, due to overpopulation. So, only 1 of the 3 would be allowed in. Whomever died the worst death out of the three would be let in.
St. Peter took the first man aside in private, and let him tell his story:
"'For months I had been suspecting that my wife had been cheating on me. So, one day, I decided to leave home from work early and try to catch her in the act. But when I arrived home, she was in the shower. Suspicious, I searched the house for anybody. And then I found him: He was hanging off my 25th floor balcony hoping I wouldn't see him! Fortunately, there was a hammer nearby and I bashed his fingers. He fell, but--the lucky bastard--he didn't die! Outraged, I grabbed my refrigerator and chucked it down on him. It killed him instantly. But then I felt so bad about it, I took a gun and killed myself."
St. Peter thought this was certainly a decent death, and took the second guy aside to hear his story:
"O.K. I live on the 27th floor of my apartment building, and I was out on my balcony getting some fresh air. I yawned and took in a big stretch, and I lost my balance! I fell over the balcony, but--I was so lucky--I managed to grab another room's balcony a couple of stories down. But then, for some reason, this guy came out and bashed my hands with a hammer. I guess he was mad I was hanging off
his deck. Anyway, I fell about 25 stories down, but luckier still, I wasn't dead. But as I looked up, I saw that a refrigerator was on its way down to bash me. That's how I died."
St. Peter thought this death was quite tragic, but still took the third guy aside to hear his story. The third guy started:
"Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..and someone throws u off the 25th floor"
A Jew, an Italian, and a Greek died and went to Heaven. St. Peter told them that before they could go into the great Kingdom of Heaven, they had to fight their temptations for certain things. Thus, St. Peter allowed them to walk around Heaven, and if they came back to the Gates, without giving into their tempations, they could proceed into Heaven. So, the three of them start walking down the street and the Italian looks over to his left and sees a pasta place. "Mama-mia!" he exclaims and runs to the restaurant. POOF! he disappears. The Jew and the Greek keep walking when suddenly, the Jew finds a penny on the ground. He bends over to pick it up and POOF! the both of them disappear.
