Ok, this is pretty much a VERY short recounting of the "Halloween" episode of season 2. Now every time I see Buffy, I am having to try and remind myself not to mire myself in negativity by mentally yelling out, "shut up, bitch-face!". Anyhow, as I look over old episodes that I used to think were brilliant I now think, "What a brat/idiot/twerp/biatch/etc..." Here are some random thoughts on a scene at the Bronze after Buffy has a fight in a patch of outdoor store's Halloween decorations.B/A, B/Troll(s), rape(offscreen). The smut factor was put in so I could put in on certain mailing lists and get away with it.
Oh, my god. There's Angel. And he's talking to Cordelia. She's so beautiful and popular. Even though I make fun of her non-stop, and Angel has consistently chosen me over any other female in his two hundred and fourty three years of existence - how can I be sure that he's not falling in love with her as they speak? Look - he's laughing at something she's saying. Surely he's forgotten all about me and this coffee meeting I set up after he asked me last week; that was when he realized that if he didn't start treating me more like an adult instead of his paedophiliac wet dream, I would go to frat parties and meet other boys.
I'd better just get out of here - clearly he has no interest in me -
"Buffy! Wait -"
He - he - he stopped me from leaving! He saw me from ACROSS THE ROOM and came after me to stop me! Maybe, just MAYBE he really does like me, in some way or another.
"I was waiting for you"
"Yeah, looked like you were getting pretty chatty with some girl, so I - "
"Buffy, has the art of hygiene not come to your house yet?"
Great, stupid BITCH Cordelia - who has a name like that in this century anyways - just insulted my hair. And her's is so perfect, it's perfect because she doesn't have a blade of hay in it. And I do. Angel just pulled a blade of hay out of my hair. I must really look horribly ugly.
"I thought we had plans."
Sigh. I guess he just doesn't understand. After all, even though he's two and a half centuries old and I'm sixteen, I'm so much wiser.
"Plans are for nice normal girls who get to think about stuff like makeup and the latest trends. I'm the Slayer. Hence, no plans. I'd better go."
Doesn't he realize I can't stay? It was a mistake of me to think that after battling a giant worm creature and mistreating one another that we could have coffee. Coffee is for other girls, girls who only have to worry about stuff like makeup and the perfect date. Except I worry about those things too. Whatever. I'll never have perfect makeup, there will always be a vamp to fight and a resulting blade of hay in my hair that Angel will see. I wish I was a regular girl who didn't have to think about anything important. That's my dream for the future.
And just as Buffy was thinking these unconstructive thoughts - WHAP! A troll hammer! If Buffy thought she had problems before, there were nothing compared to this giant green troll! He would have fucked the blonde right there, but a quick look through her purse turned up ID revealing that she was underage. So he kept her locked away in a cage hidden in a cave until she turned eighteen. And then he raped her. Then the troll traded her to some fellow trolls for some baby livers. Then she was their play toy.
As the Slayer fainted out of consciousness after realizing that now she had not one, but several trolls who would use her as their sex toy, she heard an undistinct troll voice fade as she slipped into oblivion...
"NOW we'll see who gets to use WHO as a doll and be sold on keychains ahahaha....."