Author's note :I've gotten alot of comments from twelve year old whiners (or those doing really good impressions). Most of these are meant to be ignored, but sometimes people don't understand what the whole hand cutting is about. In order for this story to be fully effective, I suggest you a) read ch1 first, THEN the reviews before continuing on to ch. 2. the reviews are included below this story.
After about two weeks of blissful lovemaking, Buffy decided to tell Spike her true fantasy - to have her hands cut off. She thought the idea wouldn't go over well, but as soon as she saw his eyes light up, she knew he would go along with it. It was getting him to go along with the second part of her plan that was a tough sell.
"Buffy," Spike said tentatively, "I really dont see why you want to call me a sicko while I cut off your hands. You're the one that punched me when I said I loved you, remember? You're the one that got off on rape, even though you could have easily not read the story - oops, I mean, pushed me off."
But Buffy would have none of it, she wanted her hands cut off, and cut off by a real perverted sicko who was the absolute antethises to her down-to-earth, untroubled self.
"Listen, you degenerate stupid whore sicko," Buffy began as she punched his face for emphasis, "if I say cut off my hands and take it like a man, you will sicko!"
By this time Buffy was laughing with glee, and only stopped when she saw that Spike was giving her that look - that look that said, 'Buffy I love you, but remember that we talked about you sharing this with your therapist?', upon which she immediately apologized.
"I'm so sorry Spike, well, at least I'm, you know, working on it", she said sheepishly, and they both had a laugh. "I don't mean to go off the handle, it's just that I have 'self-righteous-butthole syndrome', according to Dr. Phil; I'm sorry honey, I'll try to be more understanding. And I want you to know that you don't have to let me call you a sicko while you cut off my hands. After all, I'm the one who's still acting out - to get attention I might add - despite being in therapy, and who suggested hand cutting to begin with. That's not exactly a normal desire now, is it?"
Spike held his Slayer close, reassuring her, "No, Buffy it's not. But I love you, and if you want your hands cut off then by GODS, I will be your handcutter...till the end of time!"
Spike looked so intensely at his lady love, that Buffy knew it was the truth, he would keep this vow as he had kept the one to protect Dawn.
With that he smiled and whipped out a six inch blade. Buffy and Spike shared a knowing smile as he advanced upon her, and she held out her hands for some quality TKC (total knife connection).
As the first slice dashed upon her bones, Buffy was in ecstasy.
When it was over, and her Slayer healing had stopped the blood and begun healing wounds around her wrists, Buffy and Spike made hot passionate love. All the while he called her his handless little fuckslut, and Buffy liked the way it sounded.
The only thing she knew might be a tough sell was convincing Spike to slash at her abdomen later so she couldn't breed anymore.
I have decided to be kind and spare these people their emails being posted here (for the few who provided them), so the reviews will be listed anonymously (course, you could always go to AFF and see 'em for yourself).
Dee 2003-05-13 id # 13514
A lovely badfic parody of many of those post SR Spuffy fics.
JB 2003-05-13 id # 13561
This is horrible. Spike hate is disgusting, this is a bad story, and having glanced over the rest of your fics I have no interest in ever reading anything by you again. Thumbs way down!
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-13 id # 13584 (Coolestchick8000 is me, FYI)
Lol... ooh, I'm crushed.
Anon 2003-05-13 id # 13641
Holy crap, this is the biggest load of $hit ever. Congrats on writing the worst thing on the Internet. And not worst in a funny way, just plain bad. You should cut off your hands, or something.
Miss Jen 2003-05-13 id # 13647
You are the worst writer EVER. Seriously, never write again.
WTF 2003-05-13 id # 13648
What the hell is this shit? People like you shouldn't be allowed to breed because... damn. There's the small possibility that your offspring would be even lamer then you, and that would doom us all.
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-14 id # 13692
Look who's talking. You read too poorly to be able to realize what a story involves in the teaser. IT's likely that you couldn't string together complete sentences and mistook my writing as bad instead of your own inability to read. It sure seems like you're a trailer trash freak by your violent, thoughtless responses. Lol, maybe if I hadn't been encouraged to write by every single person I came into contact with (Who wasn't a trash loser who can't read properly, and even then I get alot of requests), I would take your words seriously. As it stands tho, I can't. You have no talent, you couldn't even sign your own name cause you're such a coward. I'm certain your own writing as dank, humourless and melodramatic as a V.C. Andrews novel, you are probably told it's good by a circle of fellow loser writers who also write crap and yo ucongratulate each other and think you're writing doesn't suck.
Oh, no I've been insulted. I'm going to cry now.
Anon 2003-05-14 id # 13799
What humor? I must have missed the big belly laughs somehow. I read your other reviews
and...ouch. Though I must admit, it wasn't exactly constructive criticism. Telling you to
cut your hands off and that you shouldn't be allowed to breed aren't the best thought out
comments to make, and hardly constructive either. (hopefully, you didn't follow their advice)
I am not the one who wrote the 'unsigned' little love notes you mentioned, although I have
written two reviews of your...writing....before, and left it unsigned. (one was the acid story and
the other was...I don't remember, but I remember likening you to the author who liked seeing
Buffy get her groove on with mummy hands and bugshit from outer space.) I did not leave MY
review unsigned because of cowardice, fear of retribution, or nasty vice-versas. I simply forgot
to add my name. (what can I say? I recently turned 30 and apparently it's all down hill from here)
As to this story...oh, God!! But, hey...here's something good. It was short.
That last review certainly pissed you off, didn't it? You seem to have issues with people
in trailers, hmm. How do you know they live in trailers?
By the way, I don't.
And my name is Patti
automatic badgirl 2003-05-14 id # 13813
I'm going to have to agree with Patti,
This is just bad! There's no build-up or rationale for this. Having issues with Buffy's disconnectedness and cruelty to Spike in S6, is a valid reason to write fic, but your stuff is weak because you're being lazy. Explore the reasons for Buffy's cruelty, try to map her interior voice. I have no probs with the darkness of the subject matter, but you haven't handled it skillfully enough to excuse or justify your contention that *some* bitchy women deserve rape.
And "Fuckslut"???!! That's awful dialog, it can only drop to the floor with a thud and lie there looking like the cheesy thing that it is.
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-14 id # 13845
To the last two posters : I guess we just disagree on writing. I realize this story was short and cheesy. But that's why I wrote it, if you read my 'foreward'. I do write some half decent stuff, but you gotta know that I'm really really kinky and I have rape fantasies and (DO NOT want to be raped in real life) and it comes out in my writing and that's that. If you don't mind seeing Buffy diea nd F/Aus be happy, I recommend "Cause I Gotta Have Faith", and I think you may find "Almost" actually insightful, it's not sexual. If you read "Not a Boy, not yet a man" well that gets REAL dirty, but I do think you might like the second chapter, which doesn't involve incest. Dunno why I'm mentioning this, but the fact that you aren't rude assholes who can dislike something without suggesting that the creator should be mutilated, is somehow inspiring in me a desire to be taken seriously by you.
In conclusion, yeah, some of my stuff sux, and is REALLY subversive, and cheesy. But to my credit, I usually will give you a forward when it's cheesy. I confess... I wrote this to piss off people at a group I got kicked out of, and it was like, I really tried to be polite, and I had to be accepted by the listmum and told her ALL the details about my opinions, and tried to work stuff out, but it was filled with many obnoxious loud juvenile losers, and I'm sorry but that's the truth. And so I wrote this and enjoyed myself uite a bit, cause I knew those same fuckbutts (yes, I AM cheesy and boorish at times) would end up reading it (presumably because they hate it so much and it caused them pain)....also, the mummy hand guy, is actually a girl. She's an online acquaintance/friend of mine. She's nicer than you'd think, even if her writing is kinky. I have to honestly say, thta it's on the 'moral' and 'intellectual' lists that I've been rudely shit on andattacked, and on the 'horrendously immoral' places of sin, like the buffy rape group, or the buffy kink group, that I've been treated with curtesy and even when I made an ass of myself on one occasion, the people there wer emellow enough to let me get over my feelings and ignore me till I settled down and apologized. Misunderstandings are settled by communication, and for many posters who say 'you're so sick you're so sick', I think that's very revealing about who's the real sicko.
Whomever 2003-05-15 id # 13883
Yeah. The real sicko is someone who enjoys writing about rape.
Tygerlily 2003-05-15 id # 13925
It seems to me that this a real controversal fiction and well I'm gonna be honest...this fic was fucking distrubing. This is definetly not one of the better fics I've read. I'm sorry it's just that ths fic was poorly written and the whole cutting of Buffy's hands, what the hell was that about!?! Spike would never do that to Buffy, not even when he wanted to kill her.
Some people may find this fic enjoyable...I did NOT! Personally I really think you should leave this fic alone and even perhaps remove it. It's disturbing I haven't read one positive review for it and it makes me question you sanity.
Anon 2003-05-15 id # 13934
i guess people had to read the reviews you got to understand why this fic has come about.
i think it's a great way to let your steam out. it's better than actually doing it. it is a FANTASY.
some people had to be reminded of that. it's the reason people come in for, to lose themselves
from their moral constrictive everyday life and live in someone else's fantasy wheater it's dark or light fiction.
i guess it freaked some people out that they can read a powerful piece of writing and they could imagine
it vividly. i, on the other hand, could read something that i don't agree with and change it in my mind
to something of my liking. anyways, my point is keep up the great work, coolestchick8000, and keep on
writing, cuz for every one person that doesn't like it, there are countless others who do, even though
they don't speak up. and now if u don't mind, i'm just going change the second chapter from spike to caleb cutting off
buffy's hand with the scythe and raping her instead and having the first evil/buffy watching and enjoying it.
hey, it's my mind and i could do what i want .....
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-15 id # 13947
Lol, you GO Anon!!! Why do I have the feeling you are from our humble underrated mailing list?!
Ok, guys, gonna say it ONE LAST TIME... and then maybe more if I get caught up and petty about it. REad the foreward, then chapter 1, read the reviews and THEN read chapter 2.
spikessoul 2003-05-15 id # 13984
shit, just shit, gives fan fiction a bad name
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-15 id # 14012
Wow, you can really articulate. It's not like you need a thesaurus.
Anonymous 2003-05-15 id # 14040
I have read and enjoyed other works of yours; but this story wasn't one of your better ones. Based on your note at the outset I'm assuming this was written in a time of emotional upheaval. While venting frustrations is laudable, I think that sharing them, especially in light of the emotionally volatile time most BTVS fans are feeling, discretion might be the better part of valor.
Layla 2003-05-16 id # 14103
I'm not a Spuffy fan and clicked hoping to read a humorous parody, but I failed to find anything remotely funny in this embarrassingly bad fic.
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-16 id # 14137
You're right, Anon (the lastest Anon I mean lol), it probably IS best to hide and be quiet so people with emotional problems can feel secure and unthreatened by the chaos that lives outside their neat little world. Unfortunately (and no disrespect to you, and it's cool if you don't like my storie,s you don't have to read em...although if you like 'em , thanks for reading lol, don't forget give feedback it helps! Esp. feedback that I'll take.. like, for ex. not if you don't like a story outright, well I already know that enough twelve year olds who hang out here say that in their own way, but like, grammar, ideas etc.. in any case this 'bitterness' isn't directed at you...tho a name would be nice.)
I'm not going to go live in a cave. There's a lot of assholes on this site, they think other people odn't have feelings, or maybe they just can't afford therapy. But that's life. In a way, it's kind of like saying that if a woman goes out in a miniskirt she deserves to get raped. I don't deserve to be treated this way or harassed. I'm considering getting in touch with the webmistress to get further harassers's IP addresses, I doubt they will feel so carefree about being abusive once there are consequences. In short, I'm not going to hide in order to make some verbally violent cowardly asshole who's more pathetic than most of the rapist rejects in my stories feel comfortable.
Anonymous 2003-05-16 id # 14170
This is even a little too sick for me. Hands cut off???????
Anon 2003-05-16 id # 14232
This fic is defiently NOT for everyone but people are allowed to give their opinions and well many find this fic disgusting and distrurbing and they're entitled to their opinion. I don't think any of the reviews are meant to come off as harrasment and by going to the webmistress you'll probably just create more problems, because there is ONLY one of you and many of them.
Personally I just think you should stop responding to the negative reviews because in a sense they are trying to bait you and you continue to bite.
Just don't respond!!!
In this world not everyone is going to like your stuff especially if it's as controversal as this piece.
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-16 id # 14243
If people think the piece is disgusting, they shouldn't read it. These are teh same people that respond to stuff that is clearly marked all the time. Being told to cut off my hands or that I shouldn't be allowed to have children is harassment, and nothing you can say can make me feel that they're justified in doing it. What maks even some of the non-harassment negative reviews unjustified is that they know what kind of story they're getting into, but they read it anyways.
Nice try on making me feel like I deserve being victimized, but you'll have to do better.
As for responding, you know, I thinkd the responses on this story are so integral to thestory, it doesn't work without the responses. I will however, delete creepy responses on other fics.
There also, btw, isn't one of me, Im just the only really vocal one. There are discussions going on about trolls at AFF. Actually, I'm contacting Mistress Ayla. We are hoping to get a system where by only registered posters may review. This would force them to leavea valid email address and basically put their money where theire mouth is. I think that would do alot to deter trolls and abusive people.
Delia 2003-05-16 id # 14249
Very dark with a twisted theme, which is what I think you were aiming for, so kudos on that! I felt that if Buffy's very screwed-up psychological state had progressed differently than it had on the show, she could actually wind up in a place where she enjoyed his raping her, so that part made sense. But I think the bit with the cutting off hands just came completely from left field. Is there some explanation for why Buffy suddenly wants to be mutilated? Or why she wanted her hands gone, and not something else?
Nel 2003-05-16 id # 14265
Wow ... I've been reading your reviews and you really do have a lot of bastard reviewers (flamers?) putting you down. Hasn't anyone ever heard the expression "Don't like, don't read."? These people need to be desensitized or something; they're acting like peasants defending themselves from accusations that they visited the whorehouse. Well, know that some people really do like your work; I actually /did/ find this funny, and just because someone else has a different sense of humour is no reason for them to get all self-righteous and shit. If I ever meet a flamer in person I'm going to skin them alive, fix them up a bit with plastic surgery and send them to a medical testing facility.
Miss Jen 2003-05-16 id # 14318
I'd like to apologize for my last comment for a few reasons, one being the fact that I didn't even read you're story(I still haven't by the way and don't plan on it). For that reason, I had no right to call you the 'worst writer ever'. I'm sure you're not. I've read things that could make the work of a retarded four year old look like Shakespeare. My reasoning behind the hateful bitchy comment is that I'm an evil, violent, one fuck of a cunt, Buffy/Spike shipper and since I had just watched 'End of Days' had to unleash my little Reign of Bitchdom on all non-Buffy/Spike shipping things. You're story seemed to have much animosity towards the ship, so there was no one I could pass up a good bitching on it. I'm sure you're story was humorous on the sick freak level(a level of humor which I LOVE) but I'm too much of a Nazi Buffy/Shipper to put that aside and read it.
Anyway, thats about it. Just an apology for my bitter cuntness. Sorry, write something that doesn't invovle blasphemy of the holy relationship(did I mention how delusional I was?) and I'll read.
BTW, ever check out www.buggeroff.org? It's filled with sick freak humor, you seem like the kind of person who might appreciate such a site. It's hysterically funny!
Coolestchick8000 2003-05-17 id # 14357
Sigh... I actually finish work before two thirty am, and then I have good reviewers, and someone actually telling me they DON'T think I'm the worst writer in the world? Can this day get any better? Yes, it can, because I'm gonna watch "Age of Innocence, whihc I think I'll love and just enjoy myself till bedtime in a few hours...but that's not the point. This is a pretty good day...plus, BEAUTIFUL moon!!!
Anyhow, just so you know, Mis Jen, I kind of understand the freak reaction. I ABSOLUTELY wanted to kill Spike and Buffy and the writers in "Lies My Mother Told Me"...for me, it's all about Wood (And maybe Willow and Anya and Clem and Rona). Gruesomely.... and I just snapped and like, to make things worse, I read the spoiler on B/S board, and I DIDN'T KNOW it was a B/S board at the time, I'd just bee n invted by a friend is all. Aaaaannnyhow... the friend who invited me forgave me and let me make an ass of myself and subtly put her down until I could get a hold on things... this story actually isn't hideously anti-b/s... it's more kind of funny. If you think the attempted rape was Buffy's 'fault', you will find this story kind of satisfying. If you think it wasn't, you will find it kind of funny. I wrote to piss off people who were anti-Spike and being needlessly mean to me on a list. I'm not a great B/S fan myself and hate both characters and think they'd get together righr arond never, but I do think they have chemistry that B/A didn't even have sexually. Where was I? Oh, yeah, all this said, you might not hate it, esp. if you're subversive, and they do stay together, although ch2 gets creepy but it's based on reviews for ch 1. Also, if you're a kinky freak, I invite you to read 'Spike'slay".. I wrote it cause there was no more good 'romance' rape... I'd exhausted it all... if not, that's cool too.
Thank you for your kind words, Nel... and...
For the last time, the hand thing is based on reviews... ok, I'm done.
ooh another anon 2003-05-17 id # 14473
I didn't bother to read your fic because I don't care about the content. Judging from the description, I knew this one would probably create a good amount of vitriol aimed at you. Thus I decided I wanted to have a laugh and read the reviews. Honestly I find you far more disturbing then those that are harassing you w/ harsh comments. The Son of Sam may have been cruelly picked on and rejected by those around him, it didn't make him any less of an insane murderer. Now I'm not saying that you are a serial killer by any means, but then again the reviewers haven't treated you nearly as bad as he was. What my point is though is that what people say to you, doesn't justify how you react. Are you so arrogant to believe that you are always in the right? I guess it make sense since you like writing about victims, you put yourself in a situation where you can act like a victim w/o actually having to deal w/ the real life consequences of that. Hey I've got an idea print all your fiction and show it to a bunch of real life strangers instead of online strangers. Then come back and tell us mean online reviewers if they responded to you as negatively as we did. Did you get off on all the people who were creeped out by you, the way you seem to do from us online "trailer trash folks?"
Oh and why do you seem so hell bent on revealing the IP address of those who choose to be anon? Do you really think I'm scared, come on I dare you to find it. Then I'll try to go find the address of where you live. Hey why not just reveal it to all of us? Privacy is only for cowards right? You wouldn't want to be one of us, now would you? Come on gimme your address, you know you want to. I swear I won't be a coward then. I'll actually come over to your house, and harass you in person. Wouldn't that be so much FUuuNnnnNN?
ooh another anon 2003-05-17 id # 14483
Hey it's me again. Visit this thread on the imx message board. It is a PUBLIC board in which the address can be given. Read the the posts aimed at drktemptress710, as well as the ones written by her. She seems to generate a lot of hate just like you do. She's 13 what's your excuse?
Not listing the board, didn't go to it. Wouldn't be surprised if it's a virus.
Yeah I know us online "trailer trash folks," are mean savages who only want to pick on those who dare to be annoying. Well, I guess our only defense is that we were born to be cruel. Just like you were born to be a menace to anonymous fanfiction readers. LOL. I pray for that girl, I hope she doesn't grow up to be like you. A mean spirited wacko who releases all her pent up frustration on trailer trash savages. Remember everyone, those who live in a trailer are trash. Not people. TRASH. Meaning "evil soulless things," that must be put down by "The Menacing Crusaders of Annoyance" Coolestchick8000 and her lil equally arrogant protege drktemptress710. The Eminem success story must get your blood boiling. I heard it through the grapevine he supposedly has a good amount of that EVIL TRASH in him.
And there ya have it folks, the meanderings of trolls and 'more stable' , healthy emotional beings who my story has reduced to snarling squirrels and revealed my twisted, twisted psychological shortcomings.