Dear Petra

Time feels shorter than ever. That little bit of time, between getting in from work and going to bed, when I try and get things accomplished. I live for these hours. The rest really just take up my day, like a huge bloated monster sitting between me and the things that make me happy. I panic because bits get chipped away. This morning the Tube was messed up, it took me 2 hours to get to Grey Town Suburb. Now I have to stay late and make up my hours. 'Lobby' a friend of Teds emails, he wants some software I promised him. 'maybe we can meet in the pub tonight' his email says.

I had a list of things I wanted to do tonight, I'd like at least to get a couple of these done.

This weekend I read an article in a music magazine. One girl was interviewing another girl. I'd never heard of the girls band, but I like to read interviews, even if I don't know who the people taking part are. They talked about babies. 'I'll probably leave it till I'm 37' said the girl in the band 'right up until the last moment'.

I'm 37 in a month.

I really don't want to make any decisions I'm going to regret.

No, that's wrong, it won't be a decision that I regret it'll be the lack of a decision, the days into weeks the weeks into years until its too late.

My mother framed my grandfathers poster for me for Christmas. We hung it over the sofa in the living room. She also gave me a painting by my grandmother, I didn't have a painting my her.

I used to have a problem where I'd feel guilty about not acting my age, but I think I gave up on that idea when I hit 30. Life is really too short.

I don't think the model I made for the competition this that good. I started trying to paint it last night and wasn't that happy with the results. Which is why I want to cast another figure tonight to try out different colours, and work out the face in Photoshop before I paint it. As for the competition, the standard is generally pretty low, most people entering aren't 'artists', its not a professional level competition, I'm not bothered about the prize, but the winning figure gets posted on the organisers website. The website sells vinyl figures to collectors, these are the people I want to see my work.

It looks like the odds are against me getting much done tonight.

ms gunn