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Thursday 30 January (part 2): "Monsters in the cupboard" Dear Petra I keep asking myself how I ended up in this position. In some ways the fear is irrational, almost child like. I keep thinking he'll be waiting for me out side work.. or F-Park station.. like a child that see's monsters in the cupboard at night. He might send a letter, he is a big letter sender. He wrote 'birthday girl' on the card he sent me the year before last, when he knew I wouldn't want work people to know it was my birthday. My heart stops every time the office phone rings. Every night I've been going home and working hard, there is pressure to stay at work, but this is the only thing that has been keeping me going. What makes me happy. I feel like I am working towards the future in some way. Another small figure painted and finished... hoping to have enough for some sort of show of these in the summer, a single sleeve for a very limited 7" single, an illustration for the music mag 'Careless Whispers Ruin Lives'. In the morning we watch the news on breakfast TV in bed and drink coffee. Its dark out side. Do you really think we might all be dead soon? Unfortunately I don't think it will be us that die. I think innocent Iraqi's will die. There will be increased and angry terrorism after Bush has had his way.. and it will be focused on London, but London survived the blitz, I really don't think it could be worse than that. Through the office blinds, the sky is a greyish green.. I'm going to go out in it now, walk up the hill to get some lunch. ms gunn
What I said about not having time left referred more to not getting any younger than dying in a war. Yesterday the Scuba Diver phoned to tell me he can't make rehearsal Monday (he's singing in the surf band now) because a friend of his died - of cancer. In her early 40s. Diagnosed with throat cancer and dead in a few months. Non-smoker, too. No one I knew but the thought made me shudder. She told the Scubber Diver she wasn't ready to die, she still had things to do. .. P. | |
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