Dear Nessi

A white dog chases a plastic bag, blowing on the green field outside my window. Its simplicity makes me feel weepy. Animals know nothing about war. Not animals in parks in north London, anyway.

Whatever false optimism I started the year with is crumbling. You say Power Pack and and I are happy to be getting older? I think not. More like knowing we are running out of time so best make the most of every day we have.

But even that can not last. I have another stinking cold. My second this year. Because of my tendency towards pneumonia etc, I stayed in last night, let Power Pack go to see Twenty Marlborough with Jane. Hoping to rest. Swearing at the 10 o'clock news. Trying not to get sicker. Every major illness I've had seems connected to going out. 1999 and 2000 - pneumonia and bronchitis. To many late nights and full time work. 2001 - tonsillitis. After the wedding. Even the bad flu last year was after the rock'n'roll weekend - 4 days of partying. I so don't want to be sick for my art show on Sunday.

Power Pack got in at 12.30. I was stupid to make him tell me what was wrong. He said he'd tell me tomorrow, but I wanted to know. I couldn't get to sleep afterwards.

He said he'd been depressed, watching the 24 hour news at the Gallery all day. Then the band cheered him up. Only to be brought down by that French bitch - the one with hair extensions that thinks she's hot shit. She plays in Tom's band. I think you know who I mean.

Power Pack was backstage handing out some flyers. He told people it was one of the last Succulent Singles gigs. He happened to hand one to the French bitch.

"You split up with your girlfriend," she said.

Power Pack tried to explain, as he did to others, about taking a new musical direction. Wanting to do something different. Thus ending the band.

"No. Your girlfriend doesn't love you any more," the French bitch went on.

What the F*CK was that about? Before he could tell her to f*ck off, she walked away with her nose in the air.

He was very upset about it. And I feel like giving the bitch a good kicking myself - along with Bush, Blair and f*cking Parcel Force, who have said every day for almost 2 weeks that my printer was being delivered 'tomorrow' and it never shows up - am I ok to be angry about these things? Should I sit around saying, "oh well, I have no printer and I've spent £130 on one that hasn't shown up, the leaders of BOTH my countries are starting World War 3 and planning to kill lots of people for their own profit (half the news is about the effect of war on the f*cking stock market and 'consumers' as if 1000s of Iraqis are not going to die!), and now some bitch is spreading entirely false stories and upsetting my husband?" should I just sit back and not be bothered?

Petra