RATING/WARNINGS:
NC-17, lemon,
yaoi (i.e. homosexual
relationship), angst, etc.
Something About the Rain...
PART I
The rain was still coming down and the air in the small room was heavy, the weight of it pressed hard on the skin; made it hard for a body to breathe.
I looked at him as he laid on my bed; felt the misery, the fear--pain like a knife between my ribs. There was this sharp intake of breath, and I felt my knees give way making me kneel in front of him while he slept. Somewhere in the back of my mind someone screamed, "What the fuck did you just do!", but it wasn’t loud enough to make me stop. Wasn't loud enough to make me regret. My hand moved to touch--no--hold his cheek. His eyes fluttered open, widened when they realized what--or better yet--who was touching him.
I smiled and he smiled back, then drifted back to sleep. I moved my thumb across his cheek...
How did I wake up each day
Before that moment I saw your face
Where was I before your touch
No where is where I was, without you
Without you in it
My life was just a lie
Before you I don't know how I got by
* * *
I couldn't believe that I'd agreed to go with him. The fair blared around us as we walked down the crowded rows. The lights of the rides and booths were so bright that I couldn't even see the stars. I watched him as he smiled at all the kids who pulled their irritated parents from ride to ride. The others had been invited too, and they would have come, but it seemed at the last minute everyone had something else to do.
"Hey, Kenny...we, um...can't go with you guys tonight," Billie, the chosen spokesman said as the others seemed highly interested in something embedded in the carpet.
"What! Why? I thought everyone could go!"
Billie looked past him and at me where I sat slumped in my favorite chair, "Yeah, well...something sorta came up."
So, it was just him and me, which of course he had no problem with. In short, he was a disappointed, but happy puppy--a very happy puppy. When he thought I wasn’t looking I could see him staring at couples as they walked around all hugged up and kissing each other. He (as of yet) resisted the urge to glomp me, but had settled for walking as close as possible without actually touching.
"What do you wanna do first?" he asked excitedly, noticed I was uncomfortable with the crowd, frowned, "If you want to leave, it’s ok--"
"No, it’s cool," I gave him a light smile. I think he stopped breathing when I did it; even shook his head like he was trying to clear it. I gave him what he called ‘the look’; he blushed, looked away, "What about a game?" I finally answered.
We wound up playing the water-gun balloon race. The one where you use a water-gun to shoot water at a button that makes a balloon inflate. Whoever makes their balloon pop first wins. I won three in a row, before calling it quits. I didn’t care about the bright pink and orange prizes, so he chose what he wanted. Seeing me use the water gun must have triggered--no pun intended--something, though, because when it was his turn to choose he elected to try a less ‘violent’ game.
"Just toss the ping-pong into a bowl to win a fish!"
"This one! I have to try this one," he said pushing the animals into my arms. I gave him the ‘Are you crazy?’ look, "It’s tradition," he explained while he paid the carnie. His throwing skills were way below average; didn’t win any of the five times he tried. I heaved a sigh that was probably loud enough for the people two rows over to hear, then pushed the toys back at him; paid for a turn.
"So, big brother gonna show the little one how it’s done, eh?" asked the carnie.
I didn’t look at the man as I sunk the first ball, "Something like that," then I looked at him, said jokingly, "Right, ‘little one’?" He blushed but didn’t look away like he usually did. Damn. There it was again, and I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I looked away, uncomfortable. It was just too...intimate...the way he looked at me sometimes. Despite that one mishap, I did pretty good. For every attempt he had made, that was how many fish we walked away with. We played a few more games, rode some rides before slowing down.
"How about some food? All those games and crazy rides got my stomach growling."
"Yeah, right," he said laughing as we headed to one of the concession stands. I had to order for us since his arms were full. I watched amused as he struggled to balance it all before finally asking for help.
"Um, could you give me a hand, please?"
"Then who’s gonna get the food?"
"If you didn’t win so much I wouldn’t have this problem, you know?" he gained balance, studied the crowd, "Just one would have been ok, too..."
"Hm," I said joining him in watching. Did he think I won them for him? "Do you like them?” Our food was ready and I turned back to the window.
"Oh, yes! Don’t get me wrong--"
"Then shut up," I said taking the tray from the woman at the window. He blinked in the face of my blunt...kindness. I walked past him to search for seats.
* * *
"You couldn’t pick a nice safe ride, could you? Like bumper cars, or the swings," he looked up at the sky, "he chooses a roller coaster--an extremely high roller coaster," he looked at me, "Don’t you think it seems a little...dangerous?"
We stood in front of it and watched the people scream their heads off in fear just as much as excitement on the ride I’d chosen. I looked at him thinking that I really didn’t give a flying fuck about the coaster, "Dangerous," looked back at the ride, "I don’t think it’ll be all that bad."
He frowned, "Seems plenty bad to me...you sure you want to try this thing?" he pouted.
Cute. I had to admit there was something in me that was kind of glad that the others didn’t come. I was actually having a pretty good time. Wait--what was I thinking? And did I just say ‘cute‘? "I...don’t know..." I stumbled out as I did a quick system check, found something I wasn’t to keen on finding, panicked. The conversation seemed to shift because of it. I heard a voice say, "Haven’t wanted to before, but tonight--tonight--for some reason...I might think about it." What the--Was that me? What was I talking about? Sure as hell didn’t sound like a coaster.
I think he sensed the change, ‘cause his brow crinkled and his head tilted to the side,
"Sharp-shot," he started--
"Kenny!"
I turned to see a small, bright-eyed, redhead barreling down on us, "Sara!" he shouted in surprise as the girl crashed into him, pulled away with her hands locked behind his neck. What the fuck?
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to be here, too!"
"It wasn’t a sure thing that I would be. Um, Sara," his eyes flickered in my direction, "this is Sharpshot. Sharpshot--Sara," he tried to regain his grip on his armload, an armload that I still hadn’t helped him with. It was more interesting to watch him struggle. Sara turned realizing for the first time that he wasn't alone.
"O-h-h," she managed, letting him go. She gave me the once over, smiled slowly, then extended her hand, "Nice to finally meet you," I shook it, raised an eyebrow at Kenny, ‘finally meet’?"Kenny talks about you so much at school I was beginning to wonder if you were even rea--"
"O-k, that's enough conversation for tonight!" he yelled, as he managed to turn a new shade of red.
"Excuse us," he said avoiding eye contact as he shoved his creatures at me, then grabbed her arm and drug her away.
I watched as they talked. She waved at me, smiling, then gave him what looked like a thumbs up. I could only catch bits a little bit of the conversation, but I think I heard 'Fuckin' hot!', 'You go boy!', and finally 'You better call me later'. The conversation ended, and she disappeared back into the crowd. Kenny, with hands in pockets as he stared at the grown, came back.
"Sorry about that," he mumbled, still awkward.
"Friend of yours?" I asked.
"Best-friend, actually."
"She seems...nice,"
"That’s the understatement of the year," he laughed.
I smiled...even his laugh had started to grow on me, "You still want to go on the coaster?"
The laughter stopped short, "Still!"
I couldn't help but laugh at him as I drug him to stand in line. I paid the carnie to hold his stuff and we made it through quickly enough that he didn't have time to run. We were locked into our seat and the cars jerked into motion. He sat pale, quiet, eyes squeezed shut, and I noticed his hands as they gripped the railing in front of us. If he gripped any tighter I was sure his fingers would break. I felt a little guilty for forcing him on the ride, and hesitantly placed my hand over his squeezing once before lifting away. He opened his eyes to look at his hand, then at me.
When he did, his eyes made something in my chest squeeze. I felt a kind of--burst, then a feeling of something falling out of the bottom of my stomach. I was sick--yeah, that had to be it. Unfortunately it was a sickness that wasn't due the fact that we had just started tumbling down the first hill. It was a sickness I wasn’t at all prepared for.
* * *
I closed the bedroom door behind me; rested my forehead briefly against it. What had gone wrong? One minute we were having a good time, the next I was standing in my driveway listening to the squealing tires of the Mustang leave the neighborhood. I didn’t even have time to get the fish out of the back seat. I called his cell to remind him they were still in the car, but only got his voice mail. I hoped he’d get the message in time.
I pushed off the door and went to shower.
I had been terrified on the coaster; had intended to keep my eyes squeezed shut the whole time, but then I felt warm fingers entwine with my own...I opened my eyes and was confused at first, then realized that it had actually been his hand...
I undressed, got in the shower, listened as it sputtered to life. I fiddled with the knobs until the water was hot, but not enough to burn. I felt relieved as the water flowed over me loosening the knot (the usual precursor to tears) that had been growing in my chest. When I felt steadier I left the sanctity of the shower, stood in front of the mirror, looked at myself as I dried off. I released a shaky breath, leaned in close as I shook a finger at my reflection, "You’re not allowed to cry, ok? You've done enough of that to last a lifetime." I managed a small smile, "Besides, there's no sense in crying over someone who doesn't really want you, right?"
A roll of thunder was my only reply.
~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~