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Chapter 5: Unseen Disasters of
a Pallid Mind It
was hard for her to walk home. Barefoot again and careless to the muck she
wandered through. Being mortal wasn't all it was cracked up to be. But it was
the emotions she missed the most..Because she knew the warmth of love and
kindness. The brutal cold of anger and loneliness. Because she'd been there and
done that, she couldn't tolerate it much longer. Aren need some closure, some
solace..and she only got that when she was with Aya. Aren was as stubborn as
they got, that's what Dragons are noted for. Wisdom and stupidity hand in
hand..but when one is exercised more then the other. Of course that becomes
problematic. It may have taken longer then she expected to get home. It was
pretty much early morning. The sun had
yet to rise, but the night was slowly fading. Averting curious eyes, she ducked
around her apartment building. A few side leaps from building to building put
her on the roof. She sat down, laid back, looking at the sky. "
Aya-chan...I've let you down..." Not
only had she promised to take of Aya-chan and failed. She promised she'd care
for Ran..and now look what happened. You've let it
all go to hell in gasoline underwear. She whimpered, curling into a fetal
position..weeping bitterly. "I hope
you fucking die." She
was dead...dead inside. Numbed by her own mistakes and regrets. " I never
asked for this...I never wanted this life..." she cried. Aren sat up,
hugging her knees to her chest her pale face stained red with tears "
Oh..Aya-chan...its so hard..without you. I can't seem to make sense of these
things.." Sighing she stood and glided to her room. She undressed and took
a shower. The water way to hot burned her, like Yohji's accusations. It scalded
her like Ken's screams of denial. And like Omi it did little to soothe. The hot
water ran out and was replaced with cold..that tingled her. Just like Aya's
kiss. I'm gonna fight
for you itoshii. I know I messed up..but I belong with you... She
slipped on a robe and slipped into her bed as she had so many nights
before..but she has purpose this time..she closed her eyes to use what's left
of the dawn to rest. If I have to spill every drop
of my blood...If I have to give my life over and over again.. We will be together.. --- The
night quickly turned into day. Shortly after the conversation, Aya carried an
overly tired and deeply asleep Ken back into the bed. Kissing the brunette
softly in his sleep, hands roamed over a tanned chest, touching, inhaling, and
absorbing all that was his lover. Ken merely stirred in his sleep during the
ordeal. As
the morning light broke through the heavy curtains, hands slid around a
muscular body, and Aya let fingers roam free over Ken as he awoke the brunette
from his slumber. Murky green eyes opened in surprise to the fingers, and
mouths and tongues danced, as Aya washed away all bad feelings in hopes for a
better day. Snuggling down against Aya, Ken purred happily. This is how it
should be. This is how
it's always been. This is how it
will remain. "Because you said so." Ken whispered,
placing a sloppy kiss on Aya's chest. "Hmm? What?" Aya asked, opening an eye to
gaze down at the brunette. Ken
shook his head, rubbing Aya's back lovingly, nuzzling his cheek where a blow to
the face was previously applied. "Nothing, Ran. I didn't say
anything." --- Sleep
didn't come easily at all, she stayed up most of the morning anyway. Aren
simply went back up to the roof, and watched the sun coming. Satisfied with the
small nap she had. Retreating to the kitchen to eat, and showering afterward.
Clean and emotionally sober she stepped into the 'Dark Room'. which was
actually an altar she built in her house. For those gone to be remembered and
revered, she lit and incense and kneeled on the cushion on the floor.. Clasping
her hands together, and closing her eyes she made a prayer " Momma help
me..You always said I was stubborn..and I see it more and more everyday....give
me your wisdom.." Water jades stared at the picture of a mother long gone,
by her fathers treacherous hands. She could only try and think positively about
the situation, but the more she tried the more she failed.. " So its come to this .." said the other
voice. " I'm afraid so.." Aren said,
turning to her sister. " You know if you don't win this one today..its
only going to get harder..." the twin grinned stepping into the light. Aren
smiled. " Like I said..whatever if takes..." she stood up to go
finish her breakfast.." And don't follow me..I have enough trouble with
Yohji's explosive temper to boot..I don't need two.." Inna
only smiled and followed Aren out of the room, emerald green eyes glittering
with mischief. "Whatever you say sister dear.." --- Yohji
rapped on the door loudly. "Oii! Ken-kun, Aya-kun! Are you going to sleep
all morning! Wake up, Aren is coming over soon!" The emerald eyed cat
leaned against the doorframe impatiently. "Oi! Wake up!" The
door was abruptly opened, and two narrowed eyed of lavender and mocha peered
out. "We're up. We're up. Go away." Ken scowled. Aya nodded. "Just let her in when she gets
here. It shouldn't be too long." Yohji cocked an eyebrow. "What, you two kissed
and made up? Has a decision been made?" Ken
looked at Aya with hopeful eyes, but seeing that dark glint, knew immediately
that Aya had his own plans. The redhead nodded, scratching the back of his neck
as he finished buttoning his jeans. "Sort of. Like I said. It won't be
long." Yohji
shook his head, patting Aya's shoulder. "Maa, I'd stay with Ken. He's
probably better in bed anyway. Not a screamer." Ken's face turned a nice rosy red, nearly the color
of Aya's red, red hair, and covering his face, he turned. "Shh,
Yohji!" Aya
chuckled, his cheeks flushing a soft red as well. "Sleeping habits aren't
determinations, Yohji. Though he doesn't scream.." Aya noted, pinching the
little behind that Ken showed off through thin boxers. Ken
yelped, jumping and running for the bathroom, as Yohji laughed heartily at the
two. "Ah, I see how it is." Looking at the redhead seriously, he
narrowing emerald eyes, to peer at him seriously. "Be
careful what you do. Your decision could result in losing so much more than
what you ever expected. The
brunette thought back to Asuka, how her last words had been a profession to
Masafumi. The bastard. A hand on his shoulder brought him back to reality and a
smile crossed Aya's face, as he hugged the older man. "Thank you, Yohji.
Thank you so much.. for everything. I won't make the wrong choice." --- "
You know Ren-kun, you can just try and forget him " Inna said maliciously.
" I don't know why you fawn over the boy...he's not the last on
earth..there are plenty out there! " tossing up her hands as they walked. Aren
only smiled, she looked at her watch. Almost 15 minutes of her bitching and
they've barely gotten around the corner. " I don't want any others..i want
Aya. And dammit, if I have to die over and over for it to happen ... then so be
it! " She looked to her twin arching a brow. Inna
Shae. Aren's twin in so many ways..and not so many ways. She had all black
hair..and light eyes. A nasty disposition. Something that could even rival
Yohji's if she was prvoked enough. "Really though Inna..just..let me
handle it. Like I said..no magic tricks..no potions or wars..That's why I let
you have the guardian seat for now..I need to be happy..and its with Aya..that
it'll happen..I just have to get him to forgive me for being such an
idiot.." she groaned rubbing her face as they neared the apartment of
assassins. "
I can do this on my own..." Aren wrinkled her nose as they both stood in
front of the building. Inna merely 'hmphed' and crossed her arms.." Lets
get this over with then..." So
they went forward. --- Yohji
opened the door at the approaching sound of footsteps. Seeing the sister, held
his hand out. "Only Aren. Go home." He hissed. "We don't need
any audiences to further make Ran uncomfortable." Omi
walked out into the hallway, a toothbrush caught between his teeth and hanging
from his mouth, loose jeans hanging over his hips as dripping hair splashed the
floor, making the little blonde resemble a leaky faucet. "Yo-tan, who's at
the..." his slurred comment was cut short when he saw the sisters, and
walking behind Yohji, he slid his tiny arms around the elder's waist, peering
around as he bit down on his toothbrush to keep it in his mouth, and looked at
the girls, as if Yohji would protect him. Larger,
warmer arms slid around Omi, and Yohji pressed a kiss against the dampened
forehead. "It's okay. Aren is just here to see Ran. Everything is going to
be cleared up today. Don't worry anymore, Omi-chan. Go finish getting ready.
AYA!" yohji yelled, as the blonde scooted back off into the bathroom.
"Aya, company!" He yelled. The
redhead walked out from the bedroom with Ken in tow, the little brunette
clinging to Aya's arm protectively, darting mocha eyes scanned the room. Aya
looked dismal as usual, black clothes hiding the paleness underneath. As soon
as they walked into view of Aren, a glare slid over Ken's face that was bad
enough to scare the pants off of all the Schwarz put together. Unlatching
himself from Ken's grasp, Aya glared at the sister, and motioned for Aren to
step inside and Yohji to promtly shut the door behind her. This wasn't a free
show. It would end quickly, thus Aya would suffer less making decisions about
things he really shouldn't be. I know what I
must do. Ken
glared at Aren, folding his arms in an angry childish manner as if he were to
throw a fit for the slightest thing to go wrong. A small sneer crossed his
face, as Aya placed a warm kiss on the forehead and turned, walking down the
stairs, and beckoned for Ken, Yohji, and Aren to follow. Don't think you
will win. Aya won't listen to you, Aya loves me, me, me.. Only me. Inna
arched a brow at Yohji, and turn to Aren. " Mmm..you were right. He is a
feisty one.." snickering lightly. Aren only shook her head, eyeing Yohji a
moment. Strangely I can
see those two at each others throats.. And
she nodded to Inna that sisterly bond thing. "Eh..I have things to attend
to anyway..." Inna retorted and smiled dazzlingly, before simply fading
away into the shadows. Not before a mental blow to Aren's already diminishing
faith. "Its not worth the
heartache, sister. I can see it
know..Just wipe their minds clean of your memory..of the honor it was to be in
your presence before all this bickering started..just wipe them clean..and live
your life. And let them go about their dull mortal lives..let them live and
love..and die as mortals do. You do not belong. " Aren
flinched visibly, placing two fingers to her temple. Damn that woman...she
remained quiet and contemplative she'd spent all night building her argument,
practicing begging..and just pleading. But in the end it would come down to
common sense.. At
least she hoped it would. She pulled her hair up in a ponytail, and raised her
sleeves. Oh this was going to be a battle..cause this is a war that will not be
soon in ending..and she planned on giving it all she had..today and the rest of
her life ..because the rewards..well..the reward was well worth the effort.. I'm not gonna
give up on you, Ran.. Aya
sat down on the large chair, adjacent to the spot from Ken who sat on the plush
couch, and Yohji sat down at the computer, listening, but not wanting to
interfere. Aya watched as Aren sat down, looking as if she were about to
participate in a game show where she'd need to think deeply. It was almost
ridiculous. "I'm
listening." Aya said quietly, watching her with darkened eyes. The usual
happy gleam had dissapeared, replaced with a glazed over and angry look that
showed the fear and anxiety that the redhead tried so hard to hide. She
crossed her legs and clasped her hands over her knees, her head tilted and eyes
closed as she began to speak. But there was a subtle change from the whimpering
idiot who'd visited Aya so many nights ago. This was the cold, oftentimes
cruel, calculating Aren. The one who had the backbone to laugh at him when he
had always hit her. "
I've had sometime to think. And I don't mean just last night. I mean time as in
alot since the last incident. I've always had this problem. More like this
habit to think I knew what was best for everyone around me. Often-times I was
right. And some few unfortunate times..I was wrong. You'd think I'd have
learned by then. But I hadn't, not after the lives of 2 friends were lost. I
mourned, and when back on to doing what I did the worst. Thinking for others.
" arching a brow she continued softly. "These last few years..have
been nothing but a battle with myself to try and piece together things..for me.
And one thing I managed to note..was that regardless of what I had done. You
always forgave me..or you didn't care.." She looked to Aya that brow
arched. " Because you had a sordid life of your own..and me being in it
was like an everyday occurence. But from what I was taught..that wasn't
supposed to be the case..there were supposed to be things going wrong all the
time. But there wasn't. And perhaps as a panic mechanism in me..I seemed to get
careless with myself..thus the result of my kidnapping. " She sighed,
relaxing. Keeping her eyes locked on the ones that seemed so full of malice and
hate.. I'm not gonna
give up.. "I
often found myself thinking of you. And i'd bash myself for it..because things
didn't go the way I was told they would. I thought myself at fault for being
wrong..or just being weird...and that's why I stayed away. I wasn't thinking
for me...I kept thinking for you...and I shouldn't have that was wrong. When I
came here that night. I didn't expect you to let me in. I expected you to shut
the door in my face and basically say go away..and you didn't. Again..I thought
wrong. But you let me in, Aya. You let me into the apartment. And I feel you
could let me back into your heart..I'm willing to try harder this
time..because..if you didn't feel anything for me still..I doubt you would have
let me back in..." "Urusai!"
Ken exploded. "Shut up, already! Can't you see he doesn't care? Do you
think he let you in because he wanted to see you? NO! He let you in because you
were hurt, and you looked miserable! He told me so! You always have to come and
ruin things! You came into Aya's life right after his sister left and ruined
everything I worked so hard to achieve! He was so vulnerable, I'd worked so
hard to make him love me, make him trust me, and all that work! You stole it,
you bitch!" Ken shouted. Aya's
eyebrows rose drastically, and he was shocked by Ken's words. He felt partially
taken advantage of, and yet, amazingly enough, he felt loved. "No, Ken,
that's enough!" He shouted, standing up. "No!
NO! It's not enough! It's never enough! She can never suffer enough for the
torment I had to suffer! I had to see you in her arms! I had to see you through
her gazes, her touches, Dammit, I love you, Aya!" He screamed, and the
sadness broke over as tears broke free from their prison and began sliding down
Ken's tanned cheeks. "Ken.."
Aya said softly, looking at the crying brunette with softer eyes. "Ken,
don't cry, please, don't cry.." Ken
sat back down in his chair, crying, and Yohji walked over, scooping the boy
into his embrace as Ken cried over his shoulder. Aya turned back to Aren, eyes
narrowed as he sat back down. "I... I don't know what to say." He
sighed, gathering his thoughts before continuing. "Kidnapping, powers,
monsters, fighting, death, anger, sadness, suicide..I'm sick of it!" Aya
growled, clenching his fist. "Why must everything I love be damaged.
Everything always must be taken away. Everything is a choice. A choice. For
survival. Now the definition of 'Survival of the Fittest" truly makes
sense to me. This is a prime example. Look at you Aren. I can see it in your
eyes. If you could get me back, you'd kill Ken to do it. You'd kill Yohji.
Hell. You'd kill Aya-chan." he hissed. Aren
sat calm and collected. Her bottom lip fractured a frown for a moment. She
sighed and leaned back into her chair, bracing her chin on her hand. She looked
to Ken. Her intention was never to hurt. She never wanted to hurt anybody.
She'd worked so hard all her life to keep from hurting people..thats why she
did what she did. Accusations..and
more accusations.. She
frowned to Aya. " That's where you mix vengence with Determination. Its
fierce yes..but never..to the point of killing..Only person I'm risking now Aya
is myself. No more risking others around me..I shall take on the burdens of my
own actions. Because things don't last the way I lived before. I'm willing to
accomadate and try. I've tried my whole life to help other..and keep other from
being hurt. But I've pursued it blindly..and I've gone about it the wrong way.
I'm not gonna scream at you..I'm not gonna yell at you..I'm not going to hit
you to make you understand. I'm going to do my damnedest..to do right by
you.." She shook her head pu shing
back a silver ringlet. " I can't say I'm sorry enough..and I won't try.
I'm going to make up by actions instead of words. Because it was my actions
that caused this in the first place " and finally the tears reached her
eyes. " I know its my fault..and instead of being scared and letting you all
worry..I should have come here first. But Stubborn Aren had to have her way and
develop that "they'll be better off without you attitude". She
managed a straight voice, pulling out a tissue to dab at her eyes after she
finished. The
speech didn't last long, and a startled yelp from Yohji as the fierce and very
angry Ken escaped from the tangled arms, and flew across the room, am oversized
hand slapping her hard across the face, breathing heavily as the hand was taken
away and stood there, nearly stunned by his own move. Staring at his hand and
the rapidly growing redmark on her face, he stood back. "You hurt. And you
continue to hurt. Get it straight. I am not giving Ran up. I love Ran, more
than you can ever know. Losing him to sloppy seconds like you would be worse
than torture for me." He growled. "Give up trying. I'm tired of your
weak excuses, I'm tired of seeing Ran cry for a little tramp who has nothing
better to do than get in on another's life." "Ken,
that's enough!" Aya demanded for the second time. Yohji muffled laughter
by Ken's words, highly impressed that the brunette would fight this hard for
what he'd entirely worked too hard once to get. Aya stood up, grabbing Ken back by his shoulder, and
stared at him hard. "That's enough." Ken looked at Aya, his breathing still laboured as
it flowed through his body. "I.. I... " Aya shook his head. "You've said more than
enough." Aren's
face whipped around, she prodded her cheek with her tongue. She smiled..and
tilted her head "I could be petty and retort. I could be more of a bitch
and hurt you in ways you couldn't fathom. But I understand your words Ken.
That's the difference between me and you, I know how to emphasize without using
my hands..." she arched a brow. " I understand you worked hard to get
Aya to love you..I'm not one to steal but I love him still..and I was the
second. So what?" she shrugged lightly, placing her palms on her knees.
Her eyes watered from the smack, the sting now registering the seriousness of
the situation. " But like I said before, the only person I need to be
judged by is Aya. I am here to plead my case to him. Because he has to make the
situation. At this point in time I don't care what any of you think. Because
before I can right things with you I need to start with him.." her own
eyes narrowed as she looked to them all as she stood. "Urusai!!"
Aya exploded, smashing his fist against the wall, starting both the furious
brunette and the seething redhead. "I'm tired of this! I'm not your damn
toy! I'm going to figure all of this out on my own!" he shouted. "Ran-chan.." Ken murmured, holding his
hand out to the redhead. "Ran-chan, come here.." Aya
slapped his hand away. "Iie yo! Leave me alone." he hissed, turning
back to Aren. "Do you think it was right to just appear in my life? Do you
think it was right to turn everything upside down because you felt I deserved
an APOLOGY? What is wrong with you? I know you are more sensible than that, and
YOU!" Aya shouted, turning back to the brunette. "Ore.."
Ken began, but a pale hand was clamped over his mouth, and mocha eyes widened
in not so much fury, but fright of the redhead's true temper. "Do
you HONESTLY think I am going to come back and stay with you because you are
good in bed? Or because you helped me through my mental stages? No, Ken, no I
won't!" he stated, taking his hand off Ken's mouth to fold his arms
angrily. "Demo Aya, That's.." "Urusai!
I'm not done. The only reason I'd come back to you, Ken, is because I love you.
And I can't stop loving you, because love is full of second chances, Ken. And
everyone deserves a second chance." Aya said softly, amethyst eyes
dazzling as he stared into the mocha emptiness. "Ran!"
Ken squealed, and jumped, latching himself onto the redhead happily. "Ahh,
Aishiteru, Ran!" Nuzzling Aya's neck, he hugged the boy tightly, happiness
overwhelming him. Maybe he wasn't picked, but he certianly hadn't been
rejected, and from how long he'd been with Ken, any proclaimation of love was
important. Aya's
face flushed a nice red, and he hugged the brunette, detangling himself from
the long tanned arms, and pushed Ken back a step. "I'm not done, Ken. This
isn't how things are going to end. I refuse to pick one of you over the
other." "Demo,
Aya!" Ken pouted, whining. "Aya, this isn't what you said earlier,
you said everyone deserves second chances, and.." Aya
held his hand up. "Tsk, tsk. I said everyone deserves second chances,
because they do. Let me have the night to think about this. I'll figure it all
in the morning." Flashing a small smile at Aren, he bowed, and walked
quietly off into his bedroom. Yohji
and Omi stared in disbelief from the sudden outburst to the love rant from the
redhead. "Well I'll be..." Yohji muttered, shaking his head. "I
think he's finally lost it.." Ken
shook his head. "Iie, he's got something up his sleeve.. something real
big... Ran-chan! Wait for me!" he cried, and ran down the hallway into the
bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Quiet voice rose behind the door, but no
loud sounds signified yelling or anger. Which could be bad. Yohji
turned to Aren. "You heard him. Go home. You'll hear from him in the
morning. Goodnight." And with that, the overly tired brunette turned on
his heels, and streching, walked down the hallway into his own room, closing
the door slowly with a quiet click. Omi
stared at the now empty living room, and back at Aren. "Don't get mad at
Aya, Aren-san. Aya is.. Aya is clingy to those he loves. I know it seems
hopeless, but remember what he said! Even if Aya doesn't return to you,
Aren-san, you still got what you came for. Forgiveness. Remember that! Now,
goodnight!" Omi said, and bowing, took off down the floor, slipping and
sliding on socked feet until he reached his door. "Aya-kun,
that's not fair!" A wail rose from the bedroom. "I dun wanna do
that.." Ken whimpered. Being loud as usual, the brunette's voice waifted
down the hallway, causing snorts from Yohji's room, giggles from Omi's, and
silence in the hall. Silence, and the click of a door as Aren exited. "You still
got what you came for. Forgiveness." "Remember that." |