Songs of VT
Just a collection of some of the Halfling God of ROCK's various works. Not all of them are songs... They're really just a collection of whatevers that I've collected... Most are by the God of ROCK, and if they aren't, they are noted.
Listed in reverse order, as seen in the logbook of my profile.
Halfling Joke
(A joke told me to me by either Dreadnaught or Maxom when we were drinking in Rune)
How many Halflings does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Four! One to be a stepping-stool, another to hold the lightbulb in the socket, and two to drink shots until the room spins.
Two Drunks (Drinking Song for Best Friends)
(Slightly off-beat drinking song melody)
Now have a seat, and listen well
I'll buy ya all some drinks and storytell
Have ya heard the one about the best of pals
The parties that they had, and of the kegs of ales
Now see there's just some things that one can't do
To get away with murder, sonny it takes two
And so they did alot; Got away with at all
When I tell ya this, you'll think the tale is taaaaall...
It takes twoooo drunks to drink in town
And with the power of their belching bring the tavern down
Without the cash to pay the workers for rebuildin'
They took hamm'r and nail in hand and then they filled in
But the problem was they didn't plan for a base
So instead they found a way to make it jump from place to place
And made the structure that you see todaaaay
It's called Wandering Fey
--------
Now if you'll believe that, I'll tell ya more
These two didn't stop there, no there's plenty more in store
In a sitting they split 100 drinks between 'em
And they'd drop the bottles there, they never bothered to clean 'em
And now the janitor, he was out with the flu
And then through the tavern door left the litter-bug-ish two
So the bottles were left; Eventually the fuuumes
Would send any passer-bies right to their dooms
It takes twooo drunks to raise some hell
In the room number 6 of the Griffin Hotel
They were only stumbling, plastered to the core
When they were lured into the room and then somebody locked the door
And so they yelled for help between the fits of song
They were blamed for being unaware, but when was that so wrong?
But there were still a few that cared they were insiiiide
A man even bashed the door until he died
-
It takes twooo drunks to paint it red
Now you little newbie fratters just remember what I said
As drunkards without pose go, these men were kings
Fallen angels spreading chaos on pairs of Red Beltane wings
There's a time to be a sober, there's important things to do
But when it comes to weekends, ask these buddies tried and true
But if you just can't find them, you could just ask meee...
To tell ya stories of Einlhander and VT
The Spirit of Rune
(Slow country guitar)
Ima just stuck in this dead-beat town...
A place where the dust is settled,
And the hearts of men are down...
If you just sit, and listen sound...
You'll hear the dead sound of silence,
It's all aroooouuuund!
This place used to be a paradise spot
Where the people were busy and the sun was hot
But as time went on, and the sun grew cold
All the business ended and the people grew old
Its a timeless story, its the same old tale
Of a place full throttle that would soon be stale
As the days kept passin' with the sun and the moon
I guess somethin' just happened...
Where's the spirit of Rune?
Now the town's just a dead-end bust...
The wooden walls are rotted,
The door-knobs cased in rust...
This whole place used to be a buzz...
The city Rune, what happened?
I only imagine that it's because..
This place used to be a paradise spot
Where the people were busy and the sun was hot
But as time went on, and the sun grew cold
All the business ended and the people grew old
Its a timeless story, its the same old tale
Of a place straight rockin' that would become stale
As the days kept passin' with the sun and the moon
I just wonder what happened...
Where's the spirit of-
Where's the spirit of-
The place that used to be a paradise spot
Where the people were busy and the sun was hot
But as time went on, and the sun grew cold
All the business ended and the people grew old
Its a timeless story, its the same old tale
Of a place once jumpin' that would become stale
As the days kept passin' with the sun and the moon
I just wonder what happened...
To the spirit of Rune...
And the days kept passin' with the sun and the moon
I just wonder what happened...
Where's the spirit of Rune?
Cheese 'n' Crackers
(Still my greatest hit... And to think that it was a free-style suggested by Miaka when I asked her for something to rhyme about...)
Ketchup, fry
Whipcream, pie
There ain't no pairin' that's quite as fly
They go together
Like lace 'n' leather
Like Yin 'n' Yang
Like Earth 'n' Weather
It's cheese and crackers, yo
Inspirin'this flow
One is dairy
And the other is dough
But that's ok, 'cause they still go
Ya mix the tangy with the creamy and then whaddaya know
It's like marriage, so
It's such a beautiful thing!
It tastes so good it makes my taste-buds sting
It makes my ears ring
With the beautiful taste
It's like all of the pain of the day's been erased
It all slides away
With the sublimest of ease
There's not a whole lot to say
Thank you crackers and cheese
Thanks for making it all better
All butter
All buttery Ritz cracker
Topped with montery jack
It's a fact
It's not just a snack
It's a way of life
To follow the cream cheese
The butter knife
So don't fight
Just have one, alright?
And have a good night
Cheese 'n' Crackers; Sh'yeah.
The Eight-Stone Blues
I made this character
And found out late
When minotaurs get 16 strength
Halflings only get 8,
I know that I've
Made a few mistakes
But I'll live with them and then
I'll do whatever else it takes!
I've got the blues...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
I've got the 8-Stone...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
Forget that chainmail!
I need something thin,
Because the only armor light enough for me
Is made of tin!
When I go wander
Across the plain
I can get crushed
By a drop of rain
I can't wear boots,
And I can't wear shoes,
I couldn't lift my feet,
Because I've got the 8-Stones Blues!
I've got the blues...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
I've got the 8-Stone...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
I know I'm short,
But at this rate
I'm gonna lose another couple inches
From the weight!
I've gotta fight
The mob that's lame
When I type 'score'
I cry in shame
Jus' 'cause we're weak,
Doesn't mean we lose,
But I'm no Halfling Archon
So I've got the 8-Stone Blues!
I've got the blues...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
I've got the 8-Stone...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
I'd train my strength
All the way to max
Except that I can't level enough
To get all the pracs!
I've got the blues...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
I've got the 8-Stone...
(8-Stone, 8-Stone Blues)
It's strength we lack,
But it's not so bad
Except the straw that broke my back
Was still the only one I had!
An Idle Free-Style While Waiting for Merdraco
Catch ya on the flip
I'm goin' for a trip
I'll wait down at the docks
And wait an HOUR for the ship
And then the sails I hear
I see it drawin' near
Goodbye to shore
I hop on board
He kicks it into gear
Bouncin' on the waves
That's how the ship behaves
Pierot's fly boat
It always floats
And it's hull never caves
It Doesn't Get Much Better Than This
'Hey...' you say.
'Silverfox.' you say. 'Can I borrow a pervdo?'
Silverfox asks, 'What's a pervdo?'
You say, 'This.'
You muster up all your courage and pinch her fine ass!
VT's Materia Magica Essay
This is Vencabot Teppoo of the lesser known Teppoo family, speaking to you on this day about a problem that addresses us all. Most may know me as the "Happy-Go-Lucky-Halfling-Rapper" (or some other names that I'd rather not express, to save the classiness of this essay), but I come to you now with a very serious situation. I only ask that you hear me out, consider this problem, and reply to it with your best solutions or comments. Now, I'd say that it's about time that I revealed this growing issue to all of you fine readers.
The growing population of homeless and jobless Alyrian citizens.
I walk the streets of the city, Rune, and I shudder in complete dissapointment at what I see. I see people wandering the streets, sleeping on benches, killing people on the street for money and, often, to take sustinence from the dismembered arms and legs of their victims. If this doesn't examplify the festering situation that I speak of, then you should cast 'Cure Blindness' on yourself right now. Times are desperate and there are people starving everywhere you look, begging for food and water on the streets for they have no homes. There is one large reason that I think is behind this problem, and it is the poor economic status of Alyria.
In these troubled times, the only ways to make money are too sacrifice the corpses of monsters slain to the Immortals, for mere PENNIES, or to slay our brothers and sisters to partake upon their purses. Of course, one may argue that "Quest Masters" such as Lord Agrippa and Telleri provide quests that enable one to make fair amounts of money, but the pay-offs are hardly worth the labor. What I'm talking about, readers, is the lack of JOBS in Alyria. It seems that, even in large capitol cities like Rune and Sigil, the smithies, weapon-shops, bakeries and armories are limited to one or two. Where is a good-to-do citizen supposed to find a suitable job? People are forced to the lives of adventurers and rogues to simply make enough money to continue in life.
Without money, it seems like only few can afford homes, and the number of homes are far lower than the number of homeless as it is! It is as if we, the citizens, are actually expected to sleep on the street and quench our thirsts and hungers at the town fountain. It's been this way for so long that the homeless of Alyria seem to have grown used to it, and that is both sick and wrong. The deprived, impoverished citizens deserve not to be forced into a mindstate which accepts their current state of affairs, but should strive for something more! It seems that most people in Alyria die before the age of 40! It's a terrible thing and I, the VT, have come up with several solutions.
1.) Taking from the rich and giving to the poor.
Archons... Great adventurers that have collected large amounts of gold in their life-times through sin and misconduct. They horde this gold in a greedy fashion, expanding their homes to giant mansions when we have no homes at all. Thusly, the first part in my great plan is to create a great army and kill as many Archons as we can, stealing their gold and giving as many people as we can AT LEAST one room shacks, along with expanding the cities to house more citizens. It may seem a bit harsh, but when we try to better ourselves to make our lives more interesting, they are already at the top of their mountain... they are but obstacles in our path. They are already all that they can be, and only take up space! As they get bored with their lives and head to the void for all eternity, they take their vast fortunes with them. Down with the Archons!
2.) Newbie slaves.
The newbie population of Alyria are the poorest of the poor, and need jobs more than anyone to increase their skills and prepare them for the real world. My suggestion? Raid the town of Lasler and abduct as many as we can, putting them under our wing and making them do the petty things that we'd rather not soil our hands with. While we study our books and learn to make Alyria a better place through the creation of more jobs, we can all own a few newbies for ourselves and have them collect money through the slaying of the puny monsters that they can handle. With strict and forceful hours, they could bring in a moderate amount of gold per day to keep us living as we study our way to a better tomorrow.
3.) Down with the monarchy.
With no one to second or deny them, the monarchy of Alyria enforce their stubborn will on the entire collective citizens of the Alyrian world. Without taxing the citizens, they have built their empires on the backs of our good Clans and through collecting the gold from selling and gathering "Quest Items" by forcing us to collect them if we desire the practices they give for these quests to enhance our abilities. I'd say that it's time we fell these Robber Barons from their high positions through rebellion, and brought ourselves up to the plate to vote for whom we figure best suited and fairest for the job. Democracy to Alyria! Freedom to the citizens! Democracy to Alyria!
The time for elections is now, and the time for empires is over. We must select one among us to lead us into this brave new world, and I think I know just the intelligent, witty, articulated and firm-footed Halfling for the job!
Composed by Vencabot Teppoo, the VT
Peace to you
Death to your enemies
I'm out
P.S.: Vote for VT
P.P.S.: The ideas in this document are not expressively those of Vencabot Teppoo or any other in Alyria. This entire composition was created as a joke and should not even be seriously considered by anyone. It was all an attempt to get more attention for the Original Rappin' Halfin', to maybe get some laughs, and to probably get some more bad comments added to my list in which "A complete moron" is posted.
Elven Girls
(Back when I was harassing an elven girl named Crista... Just a random victim)
(Also, I swear this poem has SOME kind of rhythm, but I must've forgotten because I can't make heads or tails of it in retrospect)
Elven girls usually don't have acne
And usually they don't have stinky 'pits
They're usually not hairy like a halfling
And usually they aren't a simple ditz
But that's Ok, I won't hold it against them
After all, they can be pretty cute
Their ears can stick out just like rear-view mirrors
And often, they have large head-lights to boot
I, The Great VT, have all the tools
And you, my elven girl; You have the rack
I stand around calling the elf girls "Shorty"
But then they turn and call me "Shorty" back
I write this poem to you, my elven woman
My clear skinned, fur-less elven wife to be
But as I smell your pretty stink, I wonder
Would you want a slimey halfing guy like me?
I love you, Crista!
An Ogre Love Poem
Ugha
Mah
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
*Belch*
You
...um...
Eyes
...um...
Love
...uhhhhhhhhh...
MAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
From:
Ugha Ugha, Ugha
A Minotaur Love Letter
Dear woman,
Me love woman. Therefore, me love you. You woman. I man. I big, tough bull-man. We make big, tough minotaur babies. You take care of. Me busy.
I eat rocks. Rocks good for Throg. Why not we share rock some time? Good date for woman.
Me Throg.
If you no reply, me crush like bug. No pressure.
Love, Throg
P.S.: Please?
Fun With Deagon
(This was a long time ago... I saved it because... well... it was awesome. I was bored and being a general jerk, but it was entertaining)
You tell Deagon 'Where are you doing?'
You tell Deagon 'Why aren't you coming?'
Deagon tells you 'Coming where?'
You tell Deagon 'I know who.'
Deagon tells you 'hrm i dont know you '
You tell Deagon 'I know who, you?'
Deagon tells you 'what do you want with me'
Deagon tells you 'ok '
Deagon tells you 'you are on crack'
You tell Deagon 'That's what I thought too, until you told me.'
You tell Deagon 'Don't I know you from somewhere?'
Deagon tells you 'i don't think so '
You tell Deagon 'I told you, I know where.'
You tell Deagon 'Or was it who?'
Deagon tells you 'who '
You tell Deagon 'Who, where?'
Deagon tells you 'i dont know you '
You tell Deagon 'You?'
You tell Deagon 'Met me from somewhere? When?'
You tell Deagon 'I know you did.'
Deagon tells you 'why would i form with you when you are second class'
You tell Deagon 'Because you were Archon.'
Deagon tells you 'no '
Deagon tells you 'sorry never was might take 5 years for me '
You tell Deagon 'Why not?'
Deagon tells you 'because i have only played this game for like a year'
You tell Deagon 'You talk funny. Your circle talk leads me in triangles.'
Deagon tells you 'hrm ok........'
You tell Deagon 'Smile, you're name is Murphy.'
Deagon tells you 'no '
You tell Deagon 'Since when?'
Deagon tells you 'my name is deagon highest char is folin who is lvl 98 or 99'
You tell Deagon 'Help me, cashier.'
You tell Deagon 'Because this is timeless.'
Deagon tells you 'hrm *shurg*'
You tell Deagon 'This timeless clock is priceless, wouldn't you agree?'
Deagon tells you 'yea i guess'
Deagon tells you 'can you leave me alone unless you give me some gold'
You tell Deagon 'I figured. I knew you knew that I saw you. You want gold?'
Deagon tells you 'because time is money'
Deagon rides in from the south.
You say, 'Hello Murphy.'
Deagon says, 'I am not murphy '
Deagon says, 'Who the hell is murphy '
'Sure you are, silly billy.' you say.
You say, 'Or silly tommy'
Deagon says, 'Hm '
You say, 'Or silly Murphy'
Deagon says, 'Do you know a person named daegon'
You say, 'He is standing next to Murphy.'
Deagon says, 'Ok you are a retard'
You ask, 'I know I am, but what are you?'
'Or maybe in reverse.' you say.
Deagon says, 'I have not fucking clue who you are and why dont you just leave me
the fuck alone'
'.Drater' you say.
'Retard in reverse, maybe.' you say.
Deagon rides north.
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