I know that the Romans came after the Greeks;
I went to a lecture to hear Robert Hughes (2) speak -
I am honored, cultured, literate - and yet
All of my life I've had one main regret.

I wish I'd slept with more girls

They told me the yobbos (3) would turn out no good -
I did my homework, they turned into hoods -
I have a family. I am happy and proud.
I said no to anything I wasn't allowed.

I wish I'd done more drugs

The Angel of Death hovers overhead.
My family, come, gather 'round the bed;
Come my colleagues, come literate friends.
Here is my last wish, as my life ends.