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The Parable of Glenn McGrath's (1) Haircut
My mate Roger got a girl pregnant when he was fourteen.
He was so shit scared he told me, and when he said that her dad was a cop I thought he was joking.
I told him he’s got to tell someone, and so he went and told a teacher, and the girl eventually got an abortion.
He was f*cking shitting himself, let me tell you, but six months later he was fucking around like always.
Ooh, aahh, Glenn McGrath (2)
"You betta watch it," I thought to myself. But Roger was pretty f*cking sure of himself.
He was the guy who first brought a bag of hash to a party.
Because I was his friend I was there when he first showed it to people, and we all went down the back yard and he rolled a joint.
Where did he get it from? My parents would have killed me if they knew.
I thought we’d all turn into junkies or something if we had too much.
The last time I saw Roger was last year at the Boxing Day test (3).
He’d turned into such a fat, normal yobbo (4) c*nt.
"The wife nearly didn’t let me out today," he said, and he did all that chanting yobs do,
like "Ooh, Ahh, Glenn McGrath."
"It got you in the end," I thought to myself, as I looked at Roger.
"Life got you in the end, pal. You were such a cocky, successful winner when we were 16, but now you’re just another sad fat prick sitting in the M.C.G. (5)
high-fiving in self-congratulation, as if it’s you that had the skill and determination to play for Australia."
It’s the c*nts with the bad haircuts that you’ve got to watch out for.
There’s never been a popular teenager yet who’s done rats with their life.
It’s the f*cking dorks (6) that give it a real go. Glenn McGrath got 5 for 50 (7) that day.
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Annotations
1. Glenn McGrath is an Australian cricket player (fast bowler) with a pretty average hair cut
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