See Part One for Disclaimers
Part Two
The Evil Twins snuck out of the personhole leading from the sewers of Sci-Fi and found themselves skulking with extremely evil intent in the Victorian Valkyrie camp. They stood in a narrow space between the tents and the catapult area. They quickly slipped into an alley between two tents, and whispered urgently among themselves.
"Okay, now, our goal is in that tent," Evil Ish indicated the gaily-striped Sanctuary Tent. Several of the Evil Twins squealed with joy, and tried to make a break for the tent, but she and Evil Redmayne (who was good with unruly animals thanks to her long association with her local Renaissance Faire, and her love of Pitt Bulls) were ready, and managed to hold them back. A couple of the more excitable Evil Twins tried to protest, knocking Evil Redmayne's bright red halo askew. She gave them each a whack with her frying pan, and they subsided, looking sulky.
"Not yet," hissed Evil Faeling. "We gotta get rid of the guard and that darned Rebecca first."
"Yeah, Rebecca," the Evil Twins growled, their eyes flashing with jealousy, as they remembered the Plan.
They were not quite sure what the Plan actually was, but they were willing to wait for it. So they waited, fairly quietly. Whenever one grew restless, Evil Ish would shoot the transgressor with her little pink squirt gun, filled with ice water. "Chill out, ladies," she hissed, and giggled madly. The other Evils didn't seem to think this was very funny.
After a few minutes, a Valkyrie walked by, stopped just outside the alley, and coughed. Evil Ish coughed back.
The Valkyrie slipped into the space between the tents. She was an ordinary-looking sort, rather tall, with short hair, big ears, a smug expression, and little beady rat eyes. She was wearing a rather shapeless beige dress.
"Okay, are we ready?" she asked. The crowd of Evil Twins looked at her suspiciously.
"Who is she?" asked Evil Lorrellai, free at last from imprisonment in the other Lorrellai's attic.
Evil Ish smiled evilly. "This is our Secret Weapon. Madame Sneaky, our Secret Member. She contacted me some time ago, and bravely volunteered to go Undercover in the Victorian Valkyries." The other Evils gasped in amazement.
"A *Secret* Evil Twin?" they marveled, and Madame Sneaky smirked, and twitched her nose smugly. Really, she did look remarkably like a big pink rat, minus the whiskers.
Madame Sneaky smiled, "I did just what you said. I told them all I was a quiet, mild-mannered sort who hated violence," all the Evils snickered with Madame Sneaky at the gullibility of the Good Guys. "And they asked me what I wanted to do, so I said I would run errands and carry messages in the camp." All the Evils cackled wickedly, and several of them began jumping up and down in happy excitement.
Evil Ish snickered happily. "Okay, now what we need is...." They huddled together and whispered. After a moment, the Secret Evil Twin left, and the rest were left to marvel at the wonder and the beauty of Evil Isharell's Lovely Evil Plan.
["Davodd here again, reporting that a small group of Valkyrie Newbies has succeeded in seizing control of the elevators, which have enabled the Ground Crew to board the Express Elevator, and begin their journey to the 100th floor, the rumored location of the Sci-Fi Channel's Evil Leader. If the Ground Crew encounter any trouble, the aerial force aboard the Rubber Ducky stand ready and waiting to assist, while the outside ground forces continue their barrage of the building, keeping the remaining security guards busy."]
Back in TGC headquarters, Dabee was frowning over a map of the building. "Am I reading this right?" she asked. "The Express Elevator only runs up to the 90th floor?"
"What?" They all poured over the map. "Says here, it lets off at fifteen floor intervals," murmured IsaacV. "And.... yes! It definitely stops at the 90th floor."
"What is this, SimTower™?" demanded Miss Tree. "What do they do on the 90th floor?"
"Take a different bank of elevators, apparently," IsaacV replied.
"Well, it would be a good way of keeping the most important levels secure," Muttered Ephian.
"Unfortunately the below ground crew have reported that the elevators leading to the 100th floor have been disabled." SciFiSpice said. "They will have to use the stairs."
"We'd better be sure the Rubber Ducky crew is standing by, in case of trouble."
Back in the tent, our heroes were trying to come to grips with what had been done to them. It had taken a while, but at last they understood the stakes involved. Redmayne, Gerty, and the other Valkyries assured the foursome that they were now safe, and that their Sister Valkyries would eventually win back the remaining hostages.
The four adventurers, exhausted from their long ordeal, reluctantly agreed to stay in the camp, in order to recover. They felt that the Valkyries had things well in hand.
Yurikosan and the rest of the Catering Corps presented them with a scrumptious meal, and they all sat down and tried to relax, while sounds of the battle continued all around them.
"One good thing," Jules quipped, "we can have anything we want for dessert!" His friends all laughed.
Madame Sneaky walked quietly into the Sanctuary Tent. She handed Redmayne a note. Redmayne frowned at it. "The Grey Cabal need to see Rebecca." she read. Rebecca looked up, and came over to see the note.
"Hmmm, yes," She glanced up at Sneaky. "Well, I guess I'd better get over there and see what they need." She waved a hand at Phileas, who had risen, and smiled. "I'm sure it's nothing important, Phileas. They probably just want me to answer a few questions. I'll be right back." Still smiling, she left the tent, and headed off for the lab-tent with Madame Sneaky.
Phileas pushed his plate away. "I don't like this," he murmured.
Passepartout offered him another dish. "Be trying this fish, Master," he suggested.
Phileas gave him an irritated look. "Not the food, Passepartout. I don't like Rebecca going off alone."
"But she's not alone," Danaan pointed out. "Our new member, Madame Somethingski, is with her."
Jules looked up. "Madame 'Somethingski'?" he repeated.
"That's what she said," Darius4evr shrugged. "Well, some of us *do* have funny nicknames."
The Victorian Valkyries, forced off the Express Elevators at the 90th floor due to the bizarre architectural planning of the building, advanced cautiously. They found themselves in yet another marble-floored lobby, complete with more TV screens and wall posters, as well as a few tasteless memorials to highly rated programs.
The Blue Raven paused next to one podium, which looked empty. "What show is this for?" she asked. She peered at the tiny brass plaque and laughed, "Oh, perfect! The Invisible Man!"
"How cheap can you get?" asked RangerLyn, rolling her eyes.
They turned a corner and suddenly found their path to the stairwell blocked by a large group of Chinese thugs.
"Stand back!" shouted General Gaelle, "We don't want to hurt you!"
The Evil Minions all began to laugh scornfully. "We are not afraid of you. Our Master will deal with you!"
The Valkyries exchanged glances, "What Master?" asked PenyPridy, hefting her flamethrower.
"He is coming -- Now!" The line of villains parted. They stepped back, leaving a clear space in the center of the floor. The Valkyries felt a strange wind blowing through the room, stirring up clouds of dust from the corners.
"Boy, some lousy cleaning service," muttered Blue. "Just as well they all quit."
The dust continued to swirl around them, then slowly began condensing into a narrowing circle, right in front of them. The dust rose into a cylinder, and suddenly coalesced into a human form.
Zai Chao stepped forward, smiling evilly at the amazed Valkyries.
"It's the Old Evil Chinese guy from Black Glove Of Melchizedek!" Cried Captain Lorrellai.
"But you were destroyed!" Logan55 exclaimed.
"My atoms were only... dispersed, for a short time," He laughed with smugness at his evil superiority. "Now, I have... recovered my former powers. My strength is greater... than anything you can imagine!"
General Gayle waited no longer. "Okay, troops, fire!"
The intrepid ground crew had ranged themselves in a rough line just behind their leader. Now they all opened fire, sending a flood of cookies, jellybeans and whipped cream flying toward their foe. Zai Chao merely laughed, and raised one hand in a lazy gesture. All of the missiles stopped and hung in mid air, before falling to the floor.
"Second Wave!" Ordered Lorrellai.
More cookies were fired, while PenyPridy and the flamethrower crew let loose with their clever bunsen burner adaptations.
The old man waved his hand lazily, and the flames, instead of shooting straight out, began swirling around, following the motion of his hand, burning the cookie onslaught to crispy ashes. He snapped his fingers, and the flames went out instantly, leaving the Valkyries standing in front of a row of smoking cookie ash.
The flamethrower crew reeled from the heat and smoke, and fell back, coughing, their hair slightly singed. The now-useless flamethrowers belched an occasional cloud of smoke, which drifted like lazy smoke signals across the room.
"Rubber Ducky, NOW!" Ordered Gaelle.
The Rubber Ducky had already come up to the 90th floor and hovered there, ready to give assistance to the Ground Crew, as per the plan.
Now the flight crew responded, sending a barrage of Oatmeal cookies and ultra-squishy mango-jelly doughnuts through the floor-to-ceiling windows into the room. As the confectionary missiles neared the group of evil-doers, the ancient man raised his hand again, laughed evilly, and gave a sharp little repelling gesture. All of the cookies and doughnuts stopped as before, and then went flying back to their source. The Rubber Ducky was pelted with its own ammunition.
The main guns were jammed with -- jam (from the mango-jelly-filled doughnuts), and the windscreen was covered with cookie crumbs. The crew worked frantically to clear the guns, and the pilot activated the self-cleaning window-wipers. Still, it would be several minutes before the craft could once again be battle-ready.
Moonhart, who had baked the mango-jelly doughnuts, was deeply offended. "If he didn't like mango jelly," she muttered crossly, loading another round of cookies into the Ducky's guns, "all he had to do was say so."
"Rubber Ducky, fall back," ordered the TGC, over the radio, and the Ducky complied, reluctantly moving away from the building as yet more cookies flew out the windows to strike the wings of the intrepid vehicle.
"Holy Darth Vader," some of the Valkyries whispered.
The Evil Twins watched gloatingly as Rebecca was led away by their Secret Member. They snuck up to the tent, smothering their evil giggles. Evil Ish waved them back, and sauntered around the corner, smiling like a politician at the unsuspecting Andi.
Andi blinked at her. "I thought you were flying the Rubber Ducky. When did you ge-" She collapsed as Evil Ish sprayed sleeping gas in her face, from a stolen heli-brolly. The other Evils scurried up and carried Andi behind the tent, out of sight of any passers-by. They hi-fived each other excitedly, and prepared to enter the tent.
Evil Ish could not resist an evil cackle, "At last!" She shot her squirt gun into the air, sprinkling them all with water. The other Evils giggled too, unable to suppress their wicked snickers.
Inside the tent, Passepartout put down his fork. "Master, are you hearing that?" he asked. Phileas, quietly sipping coffee, frowned at him.
"Hear what, Passepartout?"
"That funny.... giggly noise." his valet replied.
"Funny giggly noise," Phileas repeated, slowly getting to his feet. Jules frowned and stood up also.
Gerty moved over to Passepartout as Danaan signaled Redmayne to check the door.
"Andi? Andi!" called Redmayne, just as a large Easter egg was tossed through the tent flap into the center of the tent. It immediately began emitting a strange purple gas. Redmayne recognized it instantly, "Oh, no! It's a Sleep-Eez-Egg!" Everyone tried to run out of the tent, but the gas was far too powerful, and they all collapsed onto the ground, unconscious.
The Evil Twins slipped into the tent, and quietly stole away with their much-prized Treasure. They headed for the Aurora, which was parked on the hill behind the camp.
Once safely inside the dirigible, the Evil Twins indulged in a wicked dance, and happily congratulated themselves and their Leader, shouting, "All hail our Twisted Leader!" Evil Ish smiled and bowed happily, dabbing at her eyes with a large black hankie, covered with big red hearts.
Back on the 90th floor, the Evil Zai Chow laughed again, and waved a hand lazily at his minions. "Take them," he commanded calmly.
The evil minions grinned and started forward, num-chucks, shuriken, staffs and swords at the ready. The Victorian Valkyries drew together into a group. Their own weapons, frying pans, hatpins, propellor brollies, and the like, formed a protective ring. Captain Lorrellai brandished her Feather Duster of Doom (tm), causing the front row of villains to sneeze convulsively. The villains hesitated, hurriedly wiping at their noses with extremely embarrassed expressions.
Zai Chao shook with laughter. "Is THIS the best you can do?" He demanded, "Cause your enemies to sneeze? How very amusing!" He turned to his minions, "Take them NOW! And bring me this.... weapon. I will examine it... later." He turned to the Valkyries, his old eyes gleaming with malice.
Suddenly, The Luggage came scurrying forward, coming to a halt between the Valkyries and their opponents. The lid flew open, and a tall man climbed out. He had shoulder-length grey hair, and wore a slouching hat and loose, desert-colored garments. He was also barefoot.
He turned to The Luggage and laid a hand caressingly on its lid. The Luggage seemed to quiver with ecstasy.
"Thank you, my friend," he murmured softly. "I am... grateful for your assistance." He turned to the startled Valkyries, and bowed to them. "I thank you," he said, "for the use of your.... remarkable travel accessory."
"Who -- who are you?" SecretLurker faltered.
He smiled gently, and spread his hands. "I am Caine.... I will help you."
The Valkyries gasped as one woman, "Quai Chang Caine!"
He nodded, and bowed again. He turned to the crowd of evil Chinese.
"Master!" He called to the old man, "I have been searching for you. What are you doing, with these... Evil people?" He indicated the men around him. "Is this any way... for a Shambala Master... to behave?"
The old man stepped forward, scowling. "Master? I do not know you." He raised his chin in a gesture of command. "Stand aside! Or be swept away.... like the sand before the tide!"
Caine shook his head, sadly. "I cannot. I must oppose your evilness." He took up a defensive posture, and Zai Chao shifted his feet, and assumed an offensive stance.
"Shall we dispatch him for you, Master?" One of the Evil Minions asked. Zai Chow shook his head.
"No. I will deal with this.... interloper." He raised his hands menacingly, and prepared to attack his unarmed opponent.
"Careful, Quai Chang! He is wearing a nasty finger-knife!" Odensdisir shouted in warning.
The old man leapt at Caine with a snarl of anger, but the Shao-lin priest moved aside smoothly, almost as though moving in slow motion. He dodged the attack of the glittering weapon, and stepped back, shaking his head in sorrow.
"Ah... you wear the Evil Fingernail of Darkness! Now I understand.... Take it off, old Master. Cast away its foulness."
Zai Chao laughed. "Take it off? Never! It has given me... great power!" He ran toward Caine again, laughing evilly. There was a brief flurry, then the two combatants stepped back, panting.
Caine raised his hand. He held the shining weapon.
The old man gasped and staggered back with one hand pressed to his head. He straightened again after a moment, and looked around in bewilderment. His former expression of arrogant superiority was gone, replaced by a look of somewhat confused serenity. "Quai Chang Caine! What is this place? How did I come to be here?"
Caine smiled and bowed to his dear friend, The Ancient, Lo Si, now restored to his former personality. "You were Possessed.... by the Evil Fingernail of Darkness. But I have removed it.... and now your spirit has been freed from its.... dreadful influence."
"Yes," Lo Si replied slowly, "My mind has been.... clouded with Darkness. But now... I can see the Light once more." He bowed to Caine with deep respect. "Thank you, my friend.... for saving me." He then turned to his former minions. "Begone, Evil Ones! Your purpose is as foul as your spirits are lost."
The leaderless minions looked at one another in mild confusion. Then they shrugged, and prepared to advance. They paused again, as a handsome young man ran into the room, and stopped at the side of the Shao-lin Priests.
"Pop! You found him!"
"And you have found me, Peter," observed his father.
"It's a knack." The young man shrugged, and glanced around the room. He grinned at the Valkyries, who continued to stand quite still, frozen with shock. "Who are all these people?"
Caine waved a hand at the villains, "Does it matter, my son? These men are Evil. I must... oppose them."
Peter Caine sighed and then straightened, "Well, then, I must oppose them too."
The old man smiled. "I, too, must oppose them."
Caine looked at them fondly. He bowed to his son and The Ancient, who bowed in return. "I am honored... to fight at your side," he murmured. The three men turned to face the Evil Minions.
"Are you ready, yet?" asked the lead villain, impatiently.
Caine and his companions bowed to them. "Yes," Caine said, "I thank you for your....patience."
The Evil Minions glanced at one another, then with a blood-curdling yell, they attacked. The fight was brief and too fast for the human eye to follow. After a moment, the three Shao-lin stepped back, and looked with sorrow at their groaning former opponents, scattered like.... snowflakes over the floor.
Caine turned to the still-stunned Victorian Valkyries. "They will not disturb you now. Ladies, can we be of any further assistance to you?" he asked.
The ladies all shook their heads. "No, no, that's okay," They replied, faintly.
Caine bowed to them. "Then we will go. Come, Peter. We must... attend to The Ancient. He has endured a terrible ordeal."
The young man smiled, and winked at the ladies. "Okay, Pop," he replied. His father shot him a sidelong look. Peter sighed. "Sorry, 'Dad.'"
Caine turned back to the Valkyries for a final word. He bowed to them once more, and said, "Ladies, I honor your... dedication. Persevere, and... syndication shall be yours."
The Valkyries waved weakly as the three men left the room.
Isharell, aboard the Rubber Ducky, was transfixed by the view screen. "Oh, wow," she breathed. "Peter Caine! He is soooo foxy!" She sighed in ecstasy. "I just love a man who can get his legs in the air like that. Somebody get me his phone number...." her voice trailed off.
The rest of the flight crew stared at her. "Ishy -- Ishy!" Zhaansacolyte waved a hand in front of the pilot's face. "Ishy!" But Isharell just stood there, completely frozen, with a very silly grin on her face.
"She's totally gone!"
The ship began to dive. They grabbed at her hands, but were unable to pull them from the wheel.
"It's no use! She won't let go! We're gonna crash!"
The navigator, Jae61, shoved a picture of Phileas in front of the pilot's face. "Ishy! Phileas! Remember?"
"It's no use! She can't see -- her glasses are all steamed up!"
Zhaansacolyte grabbed a thermos and forced some of its contents down the pilot's throat. "My Special Blend! That should do the trick!"
Isharell came to, sputtering and coughing. "Wha- -- what happened?"
"What happened is we're DIVING!" They yelled. She jumped, and pulled the ship out of the dive, blinking furiously.
"What happened to my glasses? They're all fogged up!"
The others exchanged relieved looks. "Nothing. You just, er, blacked out for a moment."
Isharell frowned. "Huh." She rubbed her head. " Why do I have this sudden craving for Chinese food?" She couldn't understand why the rest of them started to laugh so hysterically.
"Rubber Ducky! General Moonhart! Are you all all right? What's going on up there?" Demanded Gilesluver, on the radio.
General Moonhart tried to control her giggles, "We're just fine, up here, now," she had to stop to smother a snicker, "how are you doing?" The whole flight crew burst out laughing, as Isharell shook her head, still clinging to the wheel and wondering what had just happened, and why her head was now buzzing on caffeine overload.
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