I guess it would be accurate to say that as I grew up, I was a "good kid". Of course, I wasn't perfect; I made my share of mistakes. But I believe the number-one reason I was able to be a good kid was that I always enjoyed a great relationship with my parents.
Parents, I believe that establishing a great relationship with your children is an important key if you want them to grow up as "good kids."
In this day and age, the family unit has largely been down away with. Everyone is out doing his or her own thing. And, yes, we do live in a busy society; we do have busy schedules with many responsibilities. But despite the busyness of life, we have to make the effort to strengthen our family unit.
Today when I talk to teenagers, I tell them, "If you want to make it in life, you need to establish a good relationship with your parents." But guess what, parents? Your kids cannot establish a good relationship with you if you don't also try to establish a relationship with them. It can't be a one-way street; it has to be a "both-way street"!
Some of you parents may not have great relationships with your children right now. Maybe at a times, your dinner table seems like a battlefield. That kind of situation is definitely no fun. I know that, because my family occasionally had disagreements too. Our home was not always perfect. But one thing my sister Denise and I always had no matter what: We had a great relationship with our parents.
My father and my grandfather lived before me as good examples of what it means to be a godly man. Because of their example, I was able to avoid getting involved with the wrong crowd and making a lot of big mistakes as I grew up. To tell you the truth, when I was growing up, I never told a lie to my parents except on one occasion.
When I was three years old, we lived in Garland, Texas. We had just gone to see a Texas Rangers baseball game. As the game, my parents bought me a Texas Rangers pennant with a little pencil attached to it.
Later, while my parents were busy in another room, I guess I decided to redecorate the walls by drawing pictures on them with my little "Texas Ranger" pencil. (You know how it is when you're a preschooler -- those walls didn't look very interesting with just white paint on them! They needed someone to fix them up with some nice pictures here and there.)
Well, my dad came in, saw the marking on the wall, and said, "Craig, did you do this?"
I replied, "No, Dad. The neighbor man did that."
Dad said, "No, the neighbor man didn't do that. We don't even know the neighbor man." I said, "Yes, he did! He came in the house, grabbed my pencil, and marked all over the walls!"
Obviously, I was disciplined for that little incident. But that's the one time in my life that I ever lied to my parents -- the only time.
Why is that? Because I had a good relationship with my parents. I was not afraid to tell my mom and dad anything -- even things I did that were wrong. I wasn't afraid, because I know they would punish me much less if I told them the truth and said, "Dad and Mom. I messed up; I make a mistake. Please forgive me."
As I grew toward manhood, what really helped me withstand the pressures that many teenagers face was my father -- not my Heavenly Father, but my earthly father. You see, I've always wanted to please God, and since childhood I've loved God with all my heart. Even as a boy, God and I communicated on a regular basis. But in day-to-day life as I grew up. I didn't see God; I didn't have spiritual visions of the Lord. However, I did see my father everyday!
I knew what my father wanted me to do. I know the godly life he wanted me to live because we'd have father-son talks about it. For instance. He used to tell me. "Craig, I don't want to see you get messed up in drugs and alcohol." But he'd also say, "However, if something ever happens, I want you to come to me and talk with me about it. I'm not going to get angry at you. Just come and talk with me, and we'll walk things out."
When temptations came -- when I'd see kids all around me doing wrong things -- I'd always picture my father in my mind's eye. I didn't want to disappoint him. Certainly, I wanted to please my Heavenly Father too. But when I was young. I was more concerned with pleasing my earthly father. I loved him with all my heart. dad and I had a special relationship with each other; we were best friends as I was growing up.
That brings me to another point. If parents are going to develop strong relationships with their children, it's important that they spend time with them. In today's society, it seems that people have to work more because it costs more to live. But parents still have the same responsibility to spend time with their kids. even if parents have to sacrifice doing what they want to do in their leisure time -- whether it's watching television, reading a book, or working on a hobby -- they need to spend quality time with their children.
When I was child, my father wasn't always home. He traveled quite a bit in the ministry. But one thing I knew -- any time Dad possibly could, he'd spend time with me. He always did his best to take time out of his life to spend time with me.
For instance, Dad coached my soccer team for years, and, at first, he didn't even know anything about soccer! But he helped coach anyway when no one else wanted to take the time and effort.
I remember that, at the time, some of the other parents didn't seem to have time for their kids. As a child, I felt badly for my friends whose parents were too busy for them. Many of those kids' parents never came to any of their sporting events, so they'd ride with us to the games.
It always made me feel good to look over at the sidelines and see my dad. And I never got upset when he wasn't able to be there, because I knew he had a good reason. I knew that if there was any way Dad could be at my game, he'd be there. I knew he didn't miss that game because he wanted to, but because he had to.
Today my son Cameron is only three years old, and it's not easy for me to be away from him when I'm traveling in the ministry. I know he's too young to understand that I'm out doing GOd's work, and it hurts me to be away from him. But I know that as Cameron gets older, he will know the same thing about me that I did about my dad when I was growing up. I knew that it was important for my dad when I was growing up. I knew that it was important for my dad to be out there traveling and ministering to people. But I also knew that for Dad, his family always came first.
Parents, you must always keep in mind that, after God and your spouse, your kids are your most important responsibility. If you win your whole city or even the whole world but lose your kids, you have failed in the most important task of all.
One thing in which my dad and I have always shared a common interest is auto racing. Ever since I was very young, we'd often go to the races together on Friday or Saturday nights. In fact, I think I was two years old the first time I ever saw and auto race! Watching the races together was always a special time for Dad and me. I've been married for several years now, but we still take time out to go to auto races together -- just Dad and son having fun!
My dad also coached my football team when I was in school. My friends loved my father! He was their football coach, and they thought he was great! Also, when ever my friends came over to my house, my parents would make them feel at home. Mom and Dad were always extra nice to my friends. It was their way of sharing Christ's love to other kids who perhaps didn't have a good home life. So my friends liked to come over my house. They told me there was always a peaceful atmosphere in my home.
Dad would have fun with me and my friends too. Once when I was in the fifth grade, I had a slumber party. At one point in the party, my friends and I were bored. So what did we do? Dad piled us all in the car and drove us to the RHEMA campus where we played hide-and-seek in the dark! And guess who played with us? My dad! All of my friends thought my dad was cool!
I had such a good relationship with my parents that I'd go out with my family sometimes on Friday nights, and we'd just do things as a family. I liked going out with my family on weekends even as a teenager when it wasn't cool or popular to do that! My parents didn't make me do it; I just enjoyed being with them. It was fun to do things with Mom and Dad. Some kids think that's "uncool." But I dad a good time. Mom and Dad were my friends.
Another important key to having a great relationship with your children is to discipline them according to the Word of God.
Discipline is one thing I know a lot about, because I received a log of it growing up! But I thank God that my parents disciplined me. Maybe at the time I didn't think it helped me, but I know now that it did. The Bible says, "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (Prov. 13:24). I believe my father made me a better kid because he didn't "spareth his rod" when I needed it!
I'm also glad that my dad was always honest with me. If he ever disciplined me in a wrongful manner, he'd always call me aside and let me know he was sorry. And he didn't wait to make it right either. If he made a mistake, he'd come immediately and ask my forgiveness. And I respected him even more because he was willing to do that. It gave me even more confidence in him, because he was man enough to tell me that he was sorry.
You know, some parents are afraid that if they admit they made a mistake, their children won't respect them as much. But the truth is, their children would respect them more, not less. There isn't a father or mother anywhere who is perfect. Parents are going to make mistakes, and kid realize that. But it's important that the father or mother tell their child that they're sorry when they do make a mistake.
Finally, one of the most important keys to establishing a great relationship with your kids is to communicate. Listen carefully to your children, and try to understand what they are going through at school, with their friends, and so forth. Also, try to help them understand what you're going through in your life. Your kids need to know what you feel, and they need to let you know how they feel.
I could always talk with my dad about anything. In fact, I'd talk to Dad too much sometimes! I'd come home late at night, and I'd want to tell him everything that happened since I'd see him last.
Many kids I knew didn't want to tell their parents anything when they'd come home on Friday or Saturday night, because they didn't want their parents to know what they'd been doing. But I'd come home and tell my parents everything I did. I hadn't disobeyed my parents, so I didn't have anything to be ashamed about. And they were always ready to listen, no matter how late it was when I got home.
How are the parent-child relationship in your home? Are they a little tattered and worn? Well, parents, now is a good time to start mending those hurting relationship! If you need to, start a new relationship with your children today. I'm a living testimony to the fact that your home will be greatly blessed as you work on establishing great relationships with your children!
extrated from "The Word of Faith" June 1997
© 1997 vinebranch@hotmail.com
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