EMOTIONAL HEALTH

Train your child to fly on his own

Remember the goal - an emotionally healthy child - is reached over time. It requires effort and faith on the part of the parents and the child. And, most importantly, God's help. Ask for it often.

How to raise emotionally healthy kids:

Love your spouse more than your kids. The primary relationship between a husband and wife is the foundation on which kids build their sense of security, their identity, and relationships to others.

Expect obedience, don't beg for it. When parents allow their kids to argue about every order or assignment, there is an authority problem in the family and it doesn't necessarily belong to the children. Consistency is the watchword.

Work with your kids, not against them. Whether it's a weight problem, a bad habit, or a learning disability, children need their parents working with them to help them change it or overcome it. Wise parents acknowledge imperfections, improve the ones that are correctable, and find ways to overcome or compensate for those that are not.

Teach your child the concept of cause and effect. Help them understand the consequences of their own actions. Children whose parents bail them out every time they make bad judgments learn nothing.

Help your child find a niche. It is more important to help children find their own area of expertise than to satisfy your own desires for achievement by getting your children to do what you love doing or always wanted to do. (If your child would rather play the cello than shortstop, let him or her.)

Listen more than lecture. Helping children express themselves clearly, to develop an argument that leads to a logical conclusion, and to be able to defend their opinions yet respect those who hold different ones is an important step in developing independence in children.

Look on the funny side of life. When parents can laugh at themselves, kids learn that everything in life is not a life-and-death matter. But never let kidding turn into teasing or ridicule.

Let your children see how you love and obey Christ. If children see no difference between the way their believing parents handle problems and the way the unbelieving parents of their friends handle similar situations, they will probably question their parents' faith...and with good reason.

Stay calm; it's seldom as serious as you think. Much of what gets labeled as rebellion in teenagers really isn't that at all. More frequently it's part of the natural struggle for an independent identity. Also remember your own less-than-perfect childhood.

Give your children bites of freedom. Most parents believe in building independence in their children, although they balk at the actual process of letting go. Bad influences are everywhere, and there is no way to keep kids away from them. The choice you do have is how you will influence the way your kids interpret all of this negative input.

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