How to deal with problem behavior

Does it seem like you have tried every approach in the book and your child is still misbehaving? Here are five responses a parent can choose to deal with a child's behavior, not only at the time of crisis, but to alter a behavior pattern that is detrimental to your child's character.

You may want to post a copy of this Action Chart around your house for a quick reference until you learn the choices by heart. Choose the most appropriate action for the situation at hand.

It is the parent who needs to take the initiative to change the child's behavior, and then consistently enforce the desired behavior. Not only do you want to deal with the problem behavior when it occurs, but also have a plan to change the behavior to a more acceptable way for your child to deal with life. Your task is to begin to think differently about how you deal with your child's misbehavior, in order to affect a change.

Five Actions a Parent can take:

Rescue. This is the action you must take in a life-threatening emergency. Do whatever you must to protect your child. Protect your child NOW. Later, teach what to.

Impose consequences. This is the action you take for rule violations. Breaking rules calls for consequences, then teaching. State the rule and the consequence. Do not lecture. Follow through. Later, teach again why the rule is important. For success, it is essential that you be consistent in enforcing rules.

Wait and see. Some problems are related to development and will pass in time. To use this action, you stop, think, and observe. Do not respond to the behavior. Re-direct or distract the child, leave the area, or attend to something or someone else. Use this action for minor problem behaviors. Don't allow yourself to encourage your child, be amused by or involved in your child's misbehavior.

Do as little as possible. Use this action when you are so fatigued, ill, stressed out, or rushed that you cannot deal effectively with the misbehavior right now. Do the least you can do to bring the situation to an end. Use no more words than necessary. Postpone any other action. There will be other opportunities for dealing with the problem when you can do so effectively.

Teach skill. Think about what you want the child to learn. Begin working on a long-term strategy to help your child learn how to change a behavior. Teaching works best before an incident occurs, when all parties are at their best. Modeling good behavior is far more effective than lecturing, nagging, or yelling.

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