HOW TO GET OVER FOOT-IN-MOUTH DISEASE
Have you ever said something that you REALLY wished you hadn't?
Even as the words tumbled out of your mouth you regretted them,
wished you could take them back, and become invisible? The
problem is that there is nothing that could possibly make up for
what you said.
This is embarrassing when it happens with strangers, but even
more devastating when it happens with your spouse. You forget a
birthday, overlook an anniversary, make a comment at a party that
in the joviality of the moment you say something too personal.
When you hurt a spouse you jeopardize the love relationship and
distance yourself from the person you love the most.
How to mend a bad situation you created:
- Check your attitude. The mistakes you make often are a result
of a bad attitude you have allowed to fester. Unresolved
issues, misinterpreted glances, or a lack of desire to
understand the way your spouse operates leave you feeling
frustrated, angry, or hurt. Ask yourself, "Am I willing to
let him/her back in my heart? Is this really that big of an
offense? Is it going to be worth the loneliness and tension
to hold on to this conflict?"
- Seize the opportunities. You have to recognize the
opportunities your spouse gives you to re-establish your
relationship. Probably your spouse won't outwardly say,
"Look, you big louse, I forgive you for the stupid thing you
did, and now I'm ready to give you a second chance." Look for
the clues: notice his/her needs and respond in a gentle and
strategic fashion. If you respond to the clues, you will see
your love grow. Don't retaliate, become self-righteous in
your error, or draw into yourself. Remember that YOU got
yourself into this situation. With every opportunity you
overlook or ignore, you jeopardize a small misunderstanding
escalating into a larger one.
- Say, "I'm sorry." These two little words can bridge most
problems. Just make sure that it is genuine. Apologize for
what you - and you alone - did. Don't complicate it by adding
that you were provoked or justified. Be willing to be
vulnerable in your regret of your mistake.
- Make the apology as big as the faux paus. When you mess up
small, a small apology will do fine. But when you have taken
a major fall, you need to take grand measures to rekindle the
love between the two of you.
- Learn from your mistake. Every problem situation gives you
another opportunity to learn a lesson in caring. Assess why
you offended or hurt your spouse in the first place. Look for
ways that you won't have to repeat the same kind of offense.
Bill Farrel and his wife, Pam, are co-founders and
co-directors of Masterful Living, an organization
that provides practical insight for Christian
couples. They also co-host Romantic Moments, a radio
program for couples. Along with Pam, Bill is the
author of Love to Love You. The Farrel family lives
in Southern California.
From Let Her Know You Love Her by Bill Farrel,
copyright (c) 1998. Used by permission of Harvest
House publishers, Eugene, Ore.
© 1997 vinebranch@hotmail.com
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