USE TIME-OUT TO TRAIN YOUR CHILDREN

If used correctly, Time-Out can be helpful to break negative behaviors for children ages 2 to 12. Time-Out is a short version of Time-Out from Positive Reinforcement. The effectiveness of Time-Out lies in the fact that all sources of positive reinforcement are removed from your child for a set period of time following misbehavior. The emphasis is placed on your child's choice of behavior and the consequences that accompany that choice.

Make Time-Out work:

Know what you want to change. Select the behavior you wish to decrease and describe it in clear and specific terms. (E.g. inappropriate expression of anger - hitting, kicking, name-calling - could be Time-Out behavior.)

Pick a boring spot. Once you have found a truly boring spot, stick with it. Remember, boring is the key. The living room couch, kitchen table, or the child's bedroom is not the best choice. They can still hear the radio, look out the window, see the frustrated look on your face, look at posters on the wall, and so on. A boring place may be a corner, a hallway, laundry room, or bathroom.

Inform your child that you will be using Time-Out. Explain exactly how a Time-Out can be earned and how it can be avoided. Walk through the procedure a few times with your child, explaining the behavior you want changed.
Example: Johnny, you know that when you don't get what you want and hit your sister, Mom and Dad get angry and you get into trouble. We are going to start something new at home to help you get better at dealing with your anger, so that everyone will be happier. It's called Time-Out. From now on, when you get angry, you can make a choice. You can choose to stop doing it, or you can choose to go to Time-Out. If you choose to stop kicking your sister, that will be great. If you choose a Time-Out, you will go to the corner by the back door and sit there for three minutes. I will set the timer so you will know when Time-Out is over. You can use that time to calm down and get back in control. If you have been under control for those three minutes, which means calmly sitting in your chair and not talking, you can come out of Time-Out and everything will be OK. If you don't get yourself under control, (if you shout, hit the wall, leave the Time-Out spot), you will earn one extra minute each time I have to remind you to get yourself under control. Do you understand?

Walk your child through the Time-Out procedure. Show him/her, yourself, appropriate and inappropriate Time-Out behavior. You many want to teach your child some statement that he/she can quietly say to himself/herself when in Time-Out, such as I need to be calm so I can get out of Time-Out, or I want to control my temper, and so on.

When your child displays inappropriate behavior, offer the choice of (1) improved behavior or (2) Time-Out. Do not debate, lecture, or argue with your child once he/she has chosen a Time-Out. Matter-of-factly, take him/her immediately to Time-Out.

Use a kitchen timer to keep track of the Time-Out period. Begin with three minutes. If you observe inappropriate behavior, calmly tell him/her he/she has earned an extra minute. Remind him/her of the appropriate behavior. This allows your child to determine how long the Time-Out will be.

If your child refuses Time-Out: Provide minimal physical assistance, making sure not to debate, argue, or provide attention. Firmly inform your child that he/she will be choosing the loss of a privilege (TV, toys, visiting friends) for the rest of the day if he/she doesn't go to Time-Out immediately. Refusing to go to Time-Out must be followed by a negative consequence that your child will experience as being worse than the Time-Out. Don't be extreme, but do make the experience unpleasant enough to encourage your child to go to Time-Out next time.

If Time-Out lasts too long it probably means your child has made it a personal goal not to go along with Time-Out. You must remain in control of the situation. If it lasts more than 20 or 30 minutes, firmly inform your child that Time-Out is over (this is your decision) and that by choosing not to behave appropriately in Time-Out, he/she has chosen the loss of a privilege for the rest of the day.

If you are away from home you can do Time-Out right where you are or promise a Time-Out as soon as you get home.

Todd Cartmell, Psy.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist who holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from Fuller Theological Seminary. He is part of a group private practice in Wheaton, Ill., where he specializes in work with children and adolescents. He and his wife have two children.
From The Parent Lifesaver by Dr. Todd Cartmell. Used by permission of Baker Book House Company, Grand Rapids, Mich. Copyright (c) 1998 by Todd Cartmell. All rights to this material are reserved. Materials are not to be distributed to other web locations for retrieval, published in other media, or mirrored at other sites without written permission from Baker Book House Company.

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