THE HONEYMOON DOESN'T HAVE TO END


Do you remember the passion that you had on your honeymoon? Has some of that ardor diminished in your marriage?

Sexual intimacy permeates most of the basic concerns in marriage and is a vital means of communicating. Unless both can talk about your interest, or lack thereof, sex will become a battleground instead of the warm intimacy you both deserve.

Great sexual adjustments do not just happen - they take work. And patterns established in your early marriage will have to be altered as circumstances change (children, health, career).

Steps toward a good sex life in your marriage:

  1. Begin with attitude. Sexual relations are intended for pleasure - fun and closeness - as well as for procreation. Develop an attitude of mutuality about your sex lives. How can you give pleasure to the other? Discuss ideas and techniques that enhance the pure fun of God's created gift of ultimate physical closeness.

  2. Resolve all conflicts promptly. When you have disagreements, settle them right away. There is truth in "not going to bed mad." Learn to disagree agreeably. Don't over-read body language or what you think the other is saying.

  3. Express simple affection. Displays of affection should not always prompt intercourse. A warm embrace, gentle kiss, or playful tickling should be enjoyed in itself.

  4. Begin early to find broad-spectrum intimacy. Couples should discuss the frequency of sexual relations in their marriage, yet consider the total concept of intimacy, from sharing activities (e.g. intellectual discussions, hiking, ballet) to exploring each other's feelings. The more areas of interest you develop and share, the more true intimacy you will know. Often this will create more meaningful sexual intimacy.

  5. Set aside your preconceived notions about sex and discover the truth. Many people grow up with vague impressions taught by their parents' often unspoken attitudes or the media's pervading influence. (E.g. sex is dirty, men only want one thing, there is no sex after 50, etc.)

  6. Seek to please your spouse. Even if you are "not in the mood," work on your mind-set...you might be pleasantly surprised.

  7. Budget your time and energy. Think imaginatively about the fun and good feelings you will have together as you plan times to be together sexually. Prioritize intimacy in your relationship. Respect each other's need for rest - and for sexual intimacy.

  8. Do not define your sexual intimacy by frequency or intensity of orgasms. True sexuality means you are secure in your masculinity or femininity. You prove nothing by keeping count.

© 1997 vinebranch@hotmail.com

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