1-AH-2-AH-3---10!

By the time you have counted to 10, you may have dissipated the anger and frustration that may have led to hasty and hurtful words, and harmful actions. But there are times when counting to 10 just doesn't work. You may need to look for other ways to defuse your anger.

Realize that you feel angry.

Recognize early signs of anger. Write down the facts of the last three times you blew up. What were your feelings 15 minutes, 10 minutes, and five minutes before the eruption? If you can't remember, take special care to note them the next three times you lose your temper. You will notice a pattern that can alert you.

Signals of an upcoming flare-up often are physical: a churning stomach, a desire to cry, tightened muscles, or feeling very hot - or cold.

Is your anger psychological? Ask yourself: Am I thinking negatively about something? Am I worried? Is a relationship troubling me? Have my expectations - for myself, my child, my spouse, my co-workers - been unrealistic?

Does your anger have a spiritual cause? Ask yourself: Am I trusting in God? Do I have some unconfessed sin? Is there someone I need to forgive?

Verbalize your anger. Stress how you feel, not how the other person is performing.

Physical action defuses anger. Hit a pillow or a punching bag. Take a vigorous walk, run in place. Take a shower. (It's a good place to let out a healthy scream or two.) Sing loudly. Play a musical instrument. Recite an uplifting Bible passage.
Sometimes confrontation is inevitable and necessary. Then:

Pick a good time and place for the encounter. Stay far from distractions. Find a comfortable room, disconnect the phone, go to a quiet park or a restaurant.

Have good motives. Don't seek "victory," but look for the other person's benefits, not just yours.

Be willing to forgive, with no strings attached.

Don't ad lib. Prepare what you are going to say - even write it out. Practice delivering your statements.

Be firm, but considerate. Avoid name calling, screaming, and hysterics.

Admit your own wrongdoing.

Stay on the issue. Don't dig up old grievances.

Don't use absolute phrases like "never, always, all the time, every day, constantly."

Don't exaggerate your position or the other person's.

Always remember that God is with you, whether you are angry or calm. God promises, "I know the plan I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope." (Jeremiah 29:11)

This page hosted by Get your own Free Home Page