HELP YOUR PARENTS HAVE A GOOD RETIREMENT
As most people approach retirement, they anticipate blessed
relief from the problems of the job and the pressures of a life
dictated by clocks and appointments. The truth is: retirement
brings its own set of problems and the need for adjusting to a
new life style. A major problem - and coming quickly on the heels
of retirement - is post-retirement depression. Steps can be taken
to ward off this state.
What children of retirees can do:
- Suggest pre-retirement planning. Financial plans and goals
should be set, as well as plans for lifestyle changes. Many
counseling services are available for pre-retirees.
- Encourage good family relationships, especially between your
parents. Couples should seek to do things together, and to
communicate beyond "What's for dinner?" or "Did you lock the
door?"
- Look for signs of depression: loss of interest in daily
routines, changes in eating or sleeping habits, and lethargy
that confines a person to the rocking chair or the
mesmerizing TV screen. Depression is something to be treated
and not to be ignored or ashamed of.
- Listen to parents' thoughts and feelings. Resist the urge to
jump in and give advice. Recognize the wisdom that years of
living endow the elders with.
- Expect parents to learn and grow. Suggest workshops,
seminars, or elder hostels. Urge parents to take advantage of
free tuition offered by many community colleges.
- Encourage volunteer work. Many people, especially
professionals, see their identity in their work. Without a
job, their identity erodes. Volunteer work - which is in
acute demand - can help remedy this loss, particularly when
retirees can share their area of expertise.
- Bring humor and affection into their lives. This aids not
only in mental contentment, but is a definite factor in
better physical health.
- Confront and argue when necessary. It is patronizing to
assume that older parents cannot accept criticism and that
they are unable to argue freely and fairly.
- Help parents set new goals. Sometimes the elderly refuse to
set goals because they think their time is limited and
looking ahead is futile. Having goals can extend life.
- Discuss parents' mortality when they are ready to discuss the
topic. Don't avoid the subject. It is a condition that must
be dealt with.
- Openly discuss the message of the Gospel when it comes to
death. Help your parents see the Good News of eternal life.
Mutually share Biblical passages that relate to their
specific experiences.
- Seek reconciliation with parents if you have had painful or
unsettled relations. Unresolved issues - and often guilt -
deepen the pain if a parent dies. Almost always, it is the
child who must begin the process of reconciliation.
- Give additional support to a surviving parent. When one
parent dies, the survivor needs greater attention and help.
Offer to pay bills, buy groceries, handle laundry, or service
the car. Most needed is the physical touch: a hug, the touch
of a hand, a shoulder to lean on.
- Encourage parents to "remember." It can be a benefit to the
whole family to re-enjoy the episodes of family life.
Get your own Free Home Page