SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

and mean what you say

You cannot be a person of integrity without being a person whose speech has integrity. Faithful speech means you keep your promises and fulfill your obligations. You must take responsibility for what you say and put every effort into making your communication accurate.

What comes out of your mouth?

Your speech is often the first gauge by which others judge you. It is the quickest way to convey what is in your heart.
If you are misunderstood, it is often because of the quality of your speech (tone, volume, accent, mood) and quantity (number of words, speed of delivery). Your emotional tone and style (direct, indirect, tentative, emphatic, flowery) all contribute to what the listener perceives your intentions to be.
Communication requires relationship, where words and ideas are passed from one person to another. When there is mutual respect and understanding, good communication can take place. Agreement is not required when each person trusts the other's good intentions.
The art of listening is as important as the art of speaking. The prerequisite of listening is caring about the other person. Look at the person who is speaking, nod in acknowledgment of their points, have a warm, awaiting facial expression.
Know when to speak and when to pause. The pause phase of communication represents a short "time out" that allows both the speaker and listener to improve communication. Pause when you want to find out how the other feels about what you've said. Pause before you answer a question, allowing you to gather your thoughts, and, if need be, to cool down. "Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger" (James 1:19).
In dealing with conflict, use honesty and truth, spoken in love. Don't avoid an interchange to cover over a problem. Don't accuse, with words or a knowing glance. Understanding is always the first step to resolving conflict. Figure out ways to come together.
Strive consistently to improve your communication skills. Pay attention to your tone, your choice of words, your approach to conveying an idea or thought. Work at having others understand the spirit of what you say as well as the words coming out of your mouth.

From Ten Commandments for Success by Robert I. Winer, M.D., copyright (c) 1997. Used by permission of Gesher, Inc., Philadelphia, Pa. To order this book call Gesher, Inc. at 1-888-464-0808 or visit your local bookstore.

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