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| BARTOLOMEW J. SIMPSON PRESENTS THE |
| 7 WONDERS OF THE WORLD |
| 1. Heidi, The Singing Hamster He doesn't exactly sing, but if you squeeze him just right, his eyes bulge out and he squeaks out the tune to "Big Bad John." |
| 2. The Shroud of Jebediah Springfield An eerie impression somewhat resembling the head of Springfield's town founder stares back at the viewer from this old dishrag. To witness the amazing spectacle, the faithful line up outside Moe's Tavern, where the shroud was first discovered over four years ago. Some say the image is nothing more than a gravy stain, but to the faithful it is truly a miracle. |
| 3. Jasper's Dentures No one knows how it is that these incredible teeth actually receive radio transmissions from 12 FM stations, 22 AM stations and the police channel, but they do! Scientists have been probing into the phenomenon, trying to explain how this mysterious "receiver" works, but so far have come up empty-handed. |
| 4. My Aunt Patty's Bra We won't venture to guess at the actually size, but suffice it to say that each cup holds over thirteen pints of milk! |
| 5. The Devil's Sinkhole Countless daredevils ahve attempted to trudge across this swampy, foul-smelling fen, but none have made it without the loss of at least one shoe. What unearthly phenomenon could have created this all-consuming bog, we may never know. Formerly the site of The Devil's Corroded Cesspool. |
| 6. Marge Simpson's Hairdo Made up of over 170, 000 hairs and held together with only a single bobby pin, this Mt. Everest of hairstyles looms above all other bouffants in Springfield...and beyond! What secret wonders does it conceal within? We may never know, but it once housed a nest of starlings in its upper regions. |
| 7. Krustyland Amusement Park Undoubtedly the greatest of the Seven Wonders, at least in our opinion. Thrill-tastic rides include: The Remarkable Leaky Tugboat, Cactus Patch, and the Never-ending Line! Not responsible for vomiting, loss of limbs, drowning, impalement, or heat exhaustion. Sorry, no refunds. |
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