Let's begin with some statistics. Unless otherwise identified the following statistics are based on the book Steering Them Straight by Stephen Arterburn and Jim Burns 1995:

- Eight out of 10 males and seven out oof 10 females report having sex while teenagers.

- By age 20, 81 percent of today's unmaarried males and 67 percent of today's unmarried females have had sexual intercourse.

- Seventy-four percent of teenagers sayy that they would live with someone before marriage or instead of getting married.

- More than 500,000 babies are born eacch year to unmarried American girls under age 18. 80% of these teenage mothers are from low-income families.

- 1.2 million abortions were reported iin 1995 in the US alone, women ages 15 to 44 (ref. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention).

- 32% of abortions are among women agess 20 to 24. Teen-agers account for 20%. 70% of women getting abortions are unmarried. Half have never had a child; 55% have never had an abortion.

- Nearly 1.2 million American marriagess were dissolved by the courts in 1994- triple the 1960 figure. Experts predict that nearly half of all new marriages will end in divorce (ref. Los Angeles Times, 5/27/96, page A16). This number has increased.

- U.S. still has the highest rates of SSTDs in the industrialized world, with rates that are 50-100 times higher than other industrialized nations. There are an estimated 12 million new cases of STDs in the U.S. each year. Of these, 3 million occur among teenagers, 13 to 19 years old. A recent CDC report documented that over 85% of the most common infectious diseases in the U.S. are sexually transmitted (ref. Center for Infectious Disease information 96)

- HIV An estimated 40,000-80,000 new innfections each year (ref. Center for Infectious Disease information 96)

OK - facts aside, we know sex can have allot of painful or unwanted physical results - let's talk about feelings. Here are some things to think about before having sex outside of marriage:

- Will it bother me to tell my future sspouse that I have been with others? Would it bother me to know my future spouse had been with others?

- What about your reputation? What aboout your reputation among those outside of your peer groups?

- Are you keeping in mind that you are by proxy sleeping with each person that your sexual partner has been with prior to you? How much do you know of their history? Your partners? Are they being truthful?

- How does this affect the respect yourr current partner has for you? How about your future one? Are you sure? Would you be proud to tell your future children of your decisions? Would you encourage them to follow you?

- How much do you know about sex? STDss? AIDs? Are you aware that latex condoms do not prevent AIDs?

- Are you prepared to take responsibiliity for a child? Do you feel it would later bother you if you killed the child by abortion? Do you know of the dangers that can accompany an abortion regardless of where it is performed including sterility and death?

- Why do you want to have sexual relatiions with this person? Are you pressured? Feel it's a requirement? A way to keep them? - If you've already begun sexual relatiions are you happy with your choice? Do you ever feel uncomfortable about your choice? Could this be your conscience?

I have talked with both men and women who wished that they or their spouses had remained pure for their marriage. I have seen women in tears years after having had an abortion suddenly overwhelmed by the sense of loss. I have listened to a testimony of a woman who had an abortion at 18 and as a result of an infection was no longer able to have any more children - ever. And I know those that will carry with them an unwanted memory of former sexual experiences - sexually transmitted diseases that have since become a part of their life and their future.

Although the bible warns against pre-marital sex and sex outside of marriage many Christians also indulge. Is this what God would want you to do? What does this do to your Christian witness? You may be the only bible that someone reads - what are you saying?

Sometimes it is painfully immediate evident that a wrong choice has been made sexually. Other times it may not affect you until years later - long after you thought things were well under control. Even if you want to become having relations with the person you are sure to be your future spouse, think of how much more meaningful it would be to wait until the marriage vows. What a wonderful experience to look forward to together. What a wonderful gift to give to only each other and not having been shared with anyone else or prior to that special union for life.

Maybe you have done some things in your past that you are not too proud of. Maybe you are considering beginning a relationship. Maybe you think you'll do "just a little". That definition of "just a little" will continue to grow regardless of who you are unless you draw boundaries and stay firm to them. Sexual desire is progressive. What once seemed "just a little" will soon give to "just a little more"...and so on. What once was enough will become "just a little more".

Regardless of where you are in your life, it is not too late to change. You can make a decision to change your life right now. You can make a decision to remain pure if you have not yet begun a sexual relationship. Wherever you are at know that God wants the best for you and He wants the best for your marriage. He designed marriage not as a confinement but as the best possible situation in order to reap the many blessings that come with being married. What do you want? What will it get you?

Maybe you find what I have said offending. Maybe you disagree. First let me point out that yes -it is my opinion, but more importantly it's also in the Word of God about His plans for you and your marriage and relationships and how it was designed to be and why. What you are contemplating or what you are doing may not affect you right away - but it will become a part of your life that you will have to live with and remember. Your past has a way of catching up with you. For some, their past has prevented them from enjoying a future.

God is a forgiving God and will accept you right where you are at if you seek Him and seek His forgiveness and repent (turn away) from ways that are outside of His will. Won't you turn to Him and start your life brand new? Or maybe you need to rededicate your life to Him as you have slipped from His will and focus on Him. Re-dedicate your life to Him and turn from what you know is out of His will and your best interests. He wants you to have a life - - and have a life more abundantly.

If you wish to talk, please E-mail me and I will do my best to answer your questions based on scriptural teachings and my own experiences, E-mail me at Tammi