Ahoy there, music fans, and welcum to the final, the penultimate, the last installment of VOMIT GOD'S TOP 50!!! But never fear, queers, 'cause I happen to like it here, and since I'm nice 'n cozy, I think I'll stay and write a few hundred more articles! Ah, I can here Lennon's maggot-eaten corpse spin in his grave. By the way, if you have any questions, comments, need for bizzare vegetable sex, etc, send it all to beatitude6@hotmail.com. Well, we're down to the top ten. These are the best, the rockinest, the killerest albums out!!! What will the number one be? Scroll to the bottom and find out, cheater, but for the rest of us, I'll start with ten:
10) RADIO BIRDMAN - RADIOS APPEAR (1977) If The Stooges, and The MC5 got put into a blender with Mad Max, then you'd have Radio Birdman, one of the rockinest bands from Down Under! I can only imagine all those Crocodile Dundees doing the pogo to "What Gives." These guys knew what was real, too. Deniz Tek, Birdman's leader, was in cahoots with Ron Asheton in Detroit. Asheton even cowrites a song. If I ever had a reason to grow my hair long and wear black uniforms with a cool symbol, it would be this. Rock out to "Murder City Nights" and "Aloha Steve and Danno."
9) JOHNNY THUNDERS AND THE HEARTBREAKERS - L.A.M.F. (1977) Is it just me, or did Johnny know how to FUCKIN' ROCK'N'ROLL??!! Not one bad song on this album, and that means you'll be jumping around like a cat in an oven to this shit! The Heartbreakers extend traditional rock'n'roll to a much higher level with Thunders' trademark dirty guitar playing. This may be a band, but it's clear who's band this is. Don't get too in to this, or you may find yourelf OD'd in a motel in no time at all. "Let Go" and their cover of "Do You Love Me?" are killer.
8) THE CLASH - S/T (BOTH US AND UK) (1977) You know, they really oughta come out with a disc that has all the songs from both versions. It annoys me to put on the UK version just to hear "Cheat". Anyway, I count this as a great way to debut your band. If you aren't a fan of The Clash's later stuff, you will still love this. I listen to it about once a day, sometimes. It's way too catchy, way too snotty, and even the politically flavored lyrics are cool. "Janie Jones" is on the list for one of my favorite songs of all time. Christ, the goodness! Try "Clash City Rockers" and "Deny" if you have that goddamn UK version.
7) THE SAINTS - I'M STRANDED (1977) If there was any band that used a buzzsaw for an instrument, it would probably site this record as an influence! Sometimes I refuse to believe that's a guitar playing on this record! It's more vicious than anything the Ramones ever put out, and it's the second record in the top ten to come from Austrailia! (Radio Birdman was the first.) It's perhaps the most violent pogo album in history. There's even a few garage numbers for breathers. It's too bad that Chris decided to go for a more "mature" sound later, but this is The Saints album to end all Saints albums. Try "Demolition Girl" and the bonus track "Do The Robot".
6) GANG OF FOUR - ENTERTAINMENT! (1980) Imagine a bunch of businessmen on the stock exchange...getting down and dancing to this album. That's the only way I can describe the feel of this punk/funk/art masterpiece. Besides the funky playing, the lyrics are full of sarcastic venom against traffic, painkillers, and sexism. The "consumer" feel of this album has never been captured again. I love it because the subjects are still relevant today, and it's done in a pseudo-gentlemanly way. I enjoy "Glass" and "I Found That Esscence Rare".
5) THE FALL - DRAGNET (1979) Someone once said that the Fall transcend all genres, even rock'n'roll. This is their most widely praised work, and I can see why. It's captured such a high place on my list because it's such a "lower" work of art. Clearly, vocalist Mark E. Smith is the backbone of this album. (As is with all Fall albums, just this one more.) The music is only there to accompany his poetic rants, it seems. He melds the vocals in time to the music, in return. It's wonderful how only three chords (or less) can be so good. I like "Choc-Stock", "Muzoweri's Daughter", and "Diceman".
4) XTC - BLACK SEA (1980) This album is so British that you can almost hear the Bubbles 'N' Squeak! However, it ceratinly is one of the best things to come from that weird island. I can't stop dancing, humming, and playing this album! AGH! It damn well shows that XTC know how to rock, too. If I could write an album like this, then I would retire, because it would be the highlight of my life! "Respectable Street" describes the exact street I live on, with all of the gossipy old broads, and the new cars. A lot of the songs from here would be on the soundtrack to my life. "Burning With Optimism's Flames" will undo the suicidal thoughts you get from watching "Schindler's List" too much. I enjoy "Towers of London", too.
3) DAVID BOWIE - THE RISE AND FALL OF ZIGGY STARDUST AND THE SPIDERS FROM MARS (1972) Ziggy lives, and will live forever! Bowie may have had a great career, but clearly, this is the highlight from it! Not only did Bowie make everyone believe that he really was from outer space, but man, what a flamboyant spaceman he is! Just look at him in tights and makeup, prancing around stage and stomping to the music! I tell you, all those assholes from the 70's with big stage shows never got it right how to rock! Bowie proved that rock'n'roll can still kick ass with lots of theatrics and geisha costumes! This album makes me rock out, swoon, cry, and pogo all at once!!! This is the finest thing to come out of the 70's mainstream. "Moonage Daydream" and "Lady Stardust" only prove my point.
2) THE DAMNED- DAMNED DAMNED DAMNED (1977) Raw. Amateur. Not Serious. These are the three things that I believe make a damn good rock'n'roll band. The Damned's first album shows them destroying everything in their path, while giving the finger to the upper crust fuckers. I can totally tell that they were influenced by the big two- The MC5 and The Stooges. They didn't join the ranks of those immortal bands, but they came frighteningly close. Besides, who doesn't love a band that dresses in nurses outfits and vampire capes, all while heavily intoxicated. Yep, this album reeks of alcohol, but everyone is funny when they are drunk, like Redd Foxx. I want to be in the Damned! (Although with all of their lineup changes, I'm suprised I wasn't.) It's too bad this didn't come out sooner, because maybe it would have taught four certain Liverpool lads how it's done. Play "1 of The Two" and "Fish" at your sister. The Damned cover a song on their album off of this next one, THE GREATEST ALBUM OF ALL TIME: (click it, silly!)